Monday, December 8, 2014

So you want to cure your hangover?

On Saturday night Dylan and I, along with my sister and brother-in-law attended a wine and cheese holiday party at a friend of ours home. So much delicious cheese, paired with fantastic wine was a recipe for absolutely hating Sunday morning. I haven't had a hangover in a while because I've been pretty religious about alternating adult beverages with water and just not drinking that much to begin with. But the amazing array brooked no moderation as each begged to be sampled and I, as a willing guest, obliged. (It would have been rude not to after all.)

Sunday morning, alas, drove home the reminder why I had really cut back - this was not fun. But how to cure a hangover? Let's go step by step.

Step 1. Don't drink too much. Ha. Haaaa. Okay, seriously. Just no.

Step 2. Water. As in drink lots of it. Preferably with a couple of ibuprofen before falling into bed. Yeah, the failures started early. Go big or go home which brings us to step 3...

Step 3. Sleep. You will sleep. You will sleep hard. You will also wake up waaaay before you want to because your body is busy processing all of the alcohol and just being pissy about the extra work. If it's working, then you have to be awake for it too. Dude, we're a team. Just do your job and let me slide back into oblivion otherwise we'll both be hating everything...oh fine. I'm up. Time for Step 4.

Step 4. Water. MOAR WATR. All of the water that you are now regretting not drinking last night because all you wanted to do was pass out. Also bum a couple of ibufprofen. Better late than never. But hope you can keep it down because your stomach's started doing the tootsie roll and black coffee, while desperately needed (see Step 3), will do vile and evil things to you. Best to stay with the nut roll of questionable origin.

Step 5. Consider food. Laugh hysterically because hell no. But it might help settle your stomach. Doesn't matter, not going to chance it until after Step 6.

Step 6. Nap. If I could just go back to sleep, I'll feel loads better. Needed for this step however is a sympathetic partner who will not mock you when your cat screams in your face and you don't even respond. Now refreshed, it's time to try the shower. You always feel better after getting clean.

Step 7. Shower. It's lovely and magical and the effects wear off after 30 minutes. But in the window, it's time to chance eating because you like to live dangerously.

Step 8. Eat. Something fatty and high protein, slightly greasy. I know, eggs! And a donut. For, you know, energy and stuff. I, ah, oh dear. This wasn't such a great idea after all. Should probably go lay down again.

Step 9. Nope. That ain't happening; the kids have had enough of coddling your dumb ass. Suck it up buttercup. It's time to play 'Jake and the Neverland Pirates.' Ugh, still not enough, what to do, what to do.... Got it. Being in the cold wakes you up and resets everything. Good thing we have another cookie sale this afternoon.

Step 10. Stand outside grocery store for 2 hours hawking Girl Scout Cookies to shoppers. Lose feeling in hands and feet but hey! You're starting to feel semi-normal so we'll call this a win.

Step 11. Dinner. You feel almost normal so dinner it is. Chicken and rice and bread and peas. You got this. Up yours, hangover. Now it's time to reclaim my life from your clutches and celebrate with...

Step 12. Sleep. Voila, you're cured!

And yet I'm still feeling a bit 'off' today. But you know what? I can heartily recommend the Norton from LaGrange and the Coastal Cabernet Sauvignon as being incredibly delicious. Just...pace yourself.