Friday, March 29, 2013

When sleeping will ruin your day

I love sleep. I love everything about sleep: the putting on of the jammies, the crawling into bed, the snuggling into blankets until it's Just Right, the super-stretching accompanied by the body expressing it's extreme displeasure at going past it's breaking point and I'll-Show-Her-Leg-Cramp-of-Excruciating-Pain.... Enter: the Charlie Horse.

I lot these suckers all the time when I was pregnant with Noah and it was always after stretching in my sleep. You ever try bolting upright from a sound sleep 8 months pregnant with what can be best described as a 3 month old in your uterus? No? You should totally try it sometime; it's AWESOME. So last night I was leaving REM sleep to dive deep down into the...non-REM sleep and it happened. Stretched that gastrocnemius past the point of no return and it was the red circle of death. Even asleep I knew it was happening and couldn't stop myself from doing it; the stretch was just too delicious. Until it wasn't.

As is custom, I bolted upright to try to massage it away but...ended up getting tangled in the covers. So it's the middle of the night, my leg is taunting me and I can't get to it because I can't get free of the damn blankets. After an eternity of thrashing around but was probably only around 15 seconds I was able to apply the sweet sweet relief of massage, whispering sweet nothings to my throbbing calf, false promises of never ever EVER doing that again. Finally collapsed back against the pillows and tumbled back into the waiting arms of Morpheus though at that point I was really wishing it was Morphinius because OwOwOw.

Then I got up to exercise which was an absolutely brilliant move resulting in the least-sexy limp in the history of limping all because I'm a masochistic moron.

Related: I'm pretty sure Herschel could beat me in a circle race today.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Being Human: Everyone's a Hero

I missed the first 10 minutes of this week's episode finishing up the post that went up today so we're just gonna jump into where I picked up.....

Things are falling apart for Sally. Quite literally. The hunger for human flesh is growing stronger every hour meaning that the time is rapidly approaching where she becomes an acute danger to them all. Josh and Nora because they've become Ozzie and Harriett only...hairier...decide to move up their wedding date so Sally can attend and be reasonably assured of NOT eating the guests. They rush to Sally's room, giddy to share the news, when hey! Room's empty. Um. Shit. Looks like Sally is going out for lunch today. What'll it be: Italian? Thai? Chinese?  Nope. How about...dead.

Let's pretend that you were alive, then you were dead, then you came alive again but at the price of a terrible skin condition and managed to bed and fall in love with the virginal funeral director who gave you a job but then fired you and so in your hour of need run to him to profess your everlasting and undying love and oh, by the way, can I eat Ms. Hanover here? She's got no family and is going to be cremated so no harm no foul. Give us a kiss?

Oddly enough, Max the Former Virgin Funeral Director turns down her request even when she plays her trump card of trading away her soul so she didn't kill anyone else and she just wants to stay with him because she loves him. It was a good piece of pleading/logic and I thought that Max would cave because newly non-virgin men are slaves to the siren call of the poontang but as luck would have it, his gag reflexes kicked him in the short and curlies so Sally accepts it and they hug it out goes home to pout.

Aidan meanwhile is having a heart to heart with Kenny the Bubble Boy who is less than overjoyed to learn that a bone marrow match for him has been found and they can do a bone marrow transplant complete with chemo to kill off his white blood cells and pretty much incapacitate him until new marrow is generated so HE'S moving up the timetable deal with Aidan who clearly wants no part of turning yet another person and accepting responsibility for said person especially one who is under 18. Kenny then tells Aidan that he'll wait for Aidan's shift to be over, walk out and find Blake to turn him. FINE, Aidan huffs and just like that, the House on Boston street takes in another stray. Because they've had such a stellar track record thus far with them but whatever. First, however, Kenny wants to spend a day as a real teenager as his immunodeficiency precluded that from ever happening. He has 48 hours, max, to live without his bubble so onto his bucket list. The first item? Playing with a dog in the park. Okay, I can see how that would be a simply incredible pleasure after years of no contact with anyone/thing. The second?

Back at the house, Josh and Nora break the happy news that the wedding will be soon? ish? And what does this need? A bachelor party of course! Coordinated by none other than Josh's wedding-crashing sister of Sapphos, Emily. Yay! A Wedding! A Party! Let's go to a strip club! Cue Kenny: that's on MY bucket list! Well that certainly worked out nicely for everyone. Mostly Emily and Kenny. So off to the local strip club where absolutely NO ONE questions Kenny about being old enough to be there. Also: Bubble Boy looks a LOT like Henry as had been pointed out by Dylan. Thematic? Or coincidence? Hrmmm.  Kenny and Emily get a front row seat and Kenny is clearly jizzed jazzed to be there but gets slapped down by Emily for breaking the plane. 'You do NOT touch the strippers!'

Good sister that she is, she calls out Josh and Aidan for being weirdos for having such intense discussions in a strip club for chrissakes and buys Josh a lap dance. After all Josh is a pansy and isn't even having fun at his own bachelor party which, let's face it, was more for his sister. So Sadie is grinding on him and apparently having fun at his expense for the epic discomfort when hey! She vamps out to drain him because he's a wolf and she has needs. Aidan with his super keen spidey sense of sinister suckage, stakes here just in the nick of time. His mysterious stalker blocked his mind powers for a while. Sadie knew Josh was off limits but went after him anyway. Stay off drugs kids, drugs are bad.

Emily freaks out not that her friend just tried to kill her brother, oh no, but because Aidan killed Sadie. This forces Josh to explain the whole werewolf/vampire thing going on and OH! That's why you ran away. Instead of bonding over their outsider status (I'm a werewolf! I'm gay!) she seems kind of fixated on the dusting of her friend. Forest, trees. Guess she's going to boycott the wedding after all. Unless they serve vodka then all will be forgiven. But what about our lovely bride-to-be?

Back at the house Nora is talking to Sally through her door, trying to cheer her up by promising wine coolers. Sally is forlorn but perks up a little, 'wine coolers?' Nora unlocks a crapton of locks to be able to open Sally's door and pass her a refreshing adult beverage then locks her up tight again because Sally's hunger has grown to the point that no one is safe if she isn't contained. She's okay with this because she tells Nora that she really wants to be out there with her too but that she also really wants to eat her. Well that's...sweet. And guys' 'ears' everywhere perk up. Then in a painful effort to preserve a bit of normalcy they discuss wedding plans: hair, flowers, maid of honor. I'll be honest, this one made me feel feelings both hopeful and melancholy.

Kenny is having second-ish thoughts about being turned now and Aidan is trying to give him the pros and the cons in a very controlled, factual way. The thing is, Kenny's time is about up; the decision will be made for him. Either he is turned or he dies. So he squares his shoulders and takes the bite like a man.

Sally realizes that she really doesn't want to die and lose her soul to Donna the Wicked Witch of Boston so she gathers her peeps and off they trot to the soup kitchen. Which is no longer there. do you move an entire building, like it never existed. Dude, she's a witch, probably an Invisibility Cloak or something. Maybe a cloaking device. Regardless, it's not there so direct confrontation won't be in play. Yet. Time to call in the psychic! Whom you almost killed trying to survive an exorcism but let's let bygones be bygones.

But before she can go to the psychic, Sally needs some help so she doesn't end up eating someone she's asking to help her. That's just bad form. Aidan is in super hero save everyone mode so he marches into Sally's room, lifts up his shirt (WHANOGGY) and clearly steeling himself, tells Sally to eat him. Sally looks just as shocked as we are as Aidan tells her that he will heal and she needs to eat him. It is hilariously uncomfortable to watch and Sally leans forward to get a big bite...
"It's like biting a tire!"
"Stop flexing!"
"I can't help it; I'm nervous!"
And this right here might be my most favorite exchange between this characters ever.

Fortified, Sally goes off to find Alana who tells her that her only recourse is to become a ghost (again) and go through Donna's Door of Despair but she's strong so she might be able to beat Donna. "Strong like Harry Potter strong?" Well, no, not really, but in spirit: she's been through so much that as long as she makes peace/ties up loose ends in this life, she'll be ready to face anything. So Sally goes to see Max and confesses her love for him and that she wishes they could really be together. You know, for dating a decomposing zombie, Max is really taking this all in stride.

After becoming lunch, Aidan is wandering the streets of Boston, waiting for Kenny to wake up to his new life when Mysterious Stalker of Mystery appears. Is it Bishop? Is it Henry? Do not pass 'Go', do not collect $200. Why it is Professor Douche who rails at Aidan, 'Why did you do this to me?' Before Aidan stakes him, clearly having become The Chosen One. But he's not sexy Professor Douche; no, he's some kind of horribly disfigured monster that Aidan turned in his most recent blackout. Well that was most unfortunate. Really creeped out, Aidan rushes back home, terrified of what he has done to Kenny.

For some bizarre reason we are back in Alana's house in the middle of the night. She comes downstairs to investigate...something...when a man suddenly appears in her living room. She senses that there is a bad spirit inside of him and pleads with the guy to 'leave the poor girl alone'. No dice, the pieces are in motion and Donna will have her prize. Alana begins to exorcise the spirit from him when he snaps her neck muttering about the girl having chosen the wrong side.

Good to see you again too, Ray.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Happy First Monday of Spring. Wait, what?

You might not have heard but it snowed in central Maryland on Monday. March 25th. Five days into spring, four days until spring break. A massively epic snow that 4 hours in is at roughly 3.5 inches and counting meaning schools are closed.

Not funny Mother Nature
The natives, they are enjoying the TV right now, alternating with viewings of cat videos on YouTube. This contentment will not last. In fact, I give it another 45 minutes before the restlessness sets in and we'll be forced to do the unthinkable: play outside.

Our sleds match our snow gear. PB Kids, here we come!
It looks to be one of the heavy, wet snows which means is ideal for building snowmen and sledding. Which means that Mommy does the making of the snowmen and carrying of sleds to and from and up the sledding hill. In the snow. Both ways. Which actually works in this case ironically enough. But at 6 and 3, this fun will only last for an hour tops before the whining about being cold and tired and bored sets in. But! We Phineas and Ferbed the shit out of that snow: sledding, snowball fight, snow angels, making of snowmen and catching snowflakes on our tongues. So what then to while away the hours until Daddy gets home and Mommy can drink herself into a chocolate-wine stupor? To the kitchen! For lunch! And various mess-making activities!

This is the only reason we still get the newspaper.
In an unbelievable act of foresight, I actually hard boiled a dozen eggs on Sunday to use for dyeing Easter eggs. Egg-cellent! That should take approximately 15 minutes with about 90 added in for prep, yelling about keeping the dye in the cup and off the table, and then cleaning up the mess as it is a virtual guarantee that they will have lost interest in the whole process once the final egg goes into the color.

Hm, we're only at 1 pm - still 4 more hours to go and desperately trying to resist the temptation of yet more TV. I know! Cookies! Everyone likes cookies. Fun to bake, fun to decorate, fun to eat. Not so much fun to clean up.

And YOU get some sprinkles...
And YOU get some sprinkles...

Check the clock. What do you mean it's only 3:30?! How is this even possible? Oh goody, they're fighting now. Monsters, to your corners. Or be together and bother each other. Don't really care at this point.

Dinner? What do you mean? Oh, yeah. I guess it is about that time. Well if I must...looks like a spaghetti and biscuit night here.  Daddy's home? Oh thank god. Please let schools be open tomorrow as I don't think I can go through this again.

So Say We All

Monday, March 25, 2013

Confessions of a holiday hoarder

You guys, we need to talk. I think that I might have a problem. A problem that goes beyond chocolate wine or jelly beans or any YA dystopian novel ever written. No, it's much deeper than that. It's a problem about...stuff.

Not 'stuff'-stuff but...stuff. In general. And holiday stuff in particular: Christmas, Easter and now even Valentine's Day, it doesn't matter. I've caught myself eyeballing trinkets for St. Patrick's Day FFS and I am maybe 0.00000017% Irish. Added to my never-ending obsession with ridding my house of stuff, this constant influx of holiday stuff is beyond stupid. My life has begun to feel like a 'Make an every day task a dance' joke: put it in, take it out, put it in, take it out, and push (beat beat beat) and push (beat beat beat)' Do The Shopping Cart! I am well aware of how diametrically opposed those two impulses are. Also: insane. Shall we look at the Easter evidence?

 First Easter. You know, for the baskets at home.  But what about the candy? Those poor, poor deprived children....

Relax homie; I got this

Peter Rabbit says,:I got your 'candy' right here...."

They've already had one Easter, yes. But what about second Easter?

I don't think that they know about second Eas....  Wait. My bad.

But it was with their cousins! An attempt to recreate the fun of Easters past! Think of the children!

And that, my friends are reasons One through Eleventy Billion why I'm in most dire need of an intervention.

Hi there, don't forget about us!


Friday, March 22, 2013

Feeling all the feels

I'm a crier. I cry at the Little Mermaid, I get choked up when telling my kids how much I love them and any feel-good story? Guaranteed waterworks. Beneath this tough exterior is a pile of mushy goo. So to celebrate the ending of winter and the dawning of baseball season, we watched Field of Dreams Tuesday night and like any classic, I can't NOT watch when it's on. Even when death by drowning teardrops is all but certain.

I was originally planning on doing a review/recap but instead decided to focus on the feelings. Mine mostly because this is my blog after all.

Feeling #1 - Kevin Costner is more believable as Ray Kinsella than pretty much any other character he's played. You know what, this might actually be more of a fact than a feeling but whatever. The point was that his character's earnestness and stoicism that covered a true dreamer really made the ludicrous act of listening to disembodied voices in the cornfield and the DOING WHAT THEY TOLD HIM TO DO actually seem like a pretty darn good idea. Like plowing under half your corn crop to build a baseball field for the ghosts of the great players of the past. It doesn't hurt that I have a massive girl-crush on Amy Madigan (who played his wife Annie) and their chemistry was pretty darn terrific.

Feeling #2 - If I could have James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman read me to sleep every night, well, Dylan might have to check into a monastery. But seriously, is there any more commanding, soothing, reasonable, sexy voice than that of Darth Vader? I think not.

Feeling #3 - The dreamer in Ray or really, in all of us, captivates and inspires others as evidenced by the way  that he convinces a thoroughly reluctant and skeptical Terence Mann to accompany him to a Red Sox - A's game by effectively employing genuine befuddlement at what is going on with threat of a finger gun. Okay, fine; he essentially kidnapped the embodiment of the 60s, luring him into a cross country journey based solely on a wing and a prayer. (Note: this is how cults start. Just sayin'.)

Feeling #4 - While Burt Lancaster is magnificent as old Dr. Archibald 'Moonlight' Graham, the jarring disparity in height between Young Archie and Old Archie just makes me weep for what might have been. I love Dr. Graham; he is at peace with his decisions, acknowledging some lingering regret for not seeing the moment you wanted more than anything for what it was, but also looking at pride for what he has accomplished and the good he has done. I kind of just want to rock him like a baby, stroke his hair and whisper that you are just So. Damn.Special. Then when he voluntarily gives up his dream (again) to save Ray  and Annie's daughter from choking to death, my heart was in my throat. And when the players gave him a standing ovation for his selfless and heroic act, well, my throat released the tears and down they coursed. Nobility gets me every single time.

Feeling #5 - Timothy Busfield is some kind of movie genius for not reacting while walking through a baseball game with unstable players ready to rip his head off. He bore the unpleasant task of being the 'villain' in the movie without any real villain. Without a crop to sell, the Kinsellas can't pay their mortgage and are about to lose their farm and home and his character, Mark, is Annie's brother and...banking associate type person who has the delightful pleasure of telling his sister, yeah, because your husband is a lunatic, you're going to lose everything so good luck with that. He eventually sees the ghosts, er, light and we are left to assume that he'll fight on the side of dreamers everywhere now. (Yes, it's probably either green screen or spliced together  or some other magic but COME ON. He walked through a friggin' baseball game without acknowledging it in the slightest.)

Feeling #6 - There is one unifying theme that I took away from the movie (besides listening to strange voices telling you to do things) and that is everyone is looking for redemption, a second chance. And sometimes that second chance takes a form you don't expect. For Ray, getting to play catch with his dad as a young man one last time; for Terence, the fanning to life of the flame of writing that had laid dormant for so long and for Moonlight Graham, the opportunity to do what he never got a chance to do in life, take a big league at bat. Who among us hasn't regretted something done or said and was never able to make amends or reparations before it became too late?

Gifts come to us in myriad and mysterious ways and we'd best be open to the possibilities 'ere they pass us by.

Hey Dad, Happy Birthday; you want to have a catch?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Being Human Recap: Eh, what?

So! It's been a while since we've last been together. I can give you all the usual excuses/reasons: was sick, did a lot of catching up with work in the evenings, too tired to watch TV (this one is completely true BTW) but  really, it doesn't matter and you don't care so on with it!

Full disclosure: I was only kind of watching last night's episode because I was also re-reading 'Divergent' for the fifth or sixth time so if this goes off the rails, you know why. Also: multitasking.

Zoe de-animated Nick for getting much too literal with the whole, 'I love you so much, Im'ma gonna eat you up!' thing. Ain't nobody got time for that. So who you gonna call? Sally of course. Nick reappears as a ghost and Zoe tearfully apologizes for rekilling him and Nick's like, no worries dawg, I was gonna eat yo ass. Oh, and Be Tee Dubs, so will Sally over here so you may want to just end this BFF right here, right now. His door appears and just before he enters the white light he turns and offers one last bon mot to Zoe. His undying (snert) love? His wish for her happiness? His thanks for her cat? No, not our Nick. A warning that Sally with hurt/kill her and to be done with it. He leaves, door disappears and Zoe cries tears of relief only for Sally to ask, well, what are you going to do with Nick?

The better question is, what is Sally going to do about it? And what does she do? Calls in reinforcements of everyone's famously conflicted re-werewolfed mensch, Josh, for grave digging duty. Really, if this whole medical thing doesn't work out, Josh has quite the career in front of him digging graves. Or ditches. In the middle of a heart-warming conversation during weird physical labor in which Sally confesses her growing passion for living things, she up and remembers oh right! The other guy I brought back! Who knows nothing about this and what is happening to him! We must find Stevie! To the Zombie-mobile! And off they zoom on a zany, madcap adventure because who the hell knows where he is by now.

Josh in conflicted (drink) because he made a date with zen master Pete to get to know his wolf that evening and all it will cost him is a six-pack of beer. If I had a nickle for every time that happened to me.... But they take off and start at the only logical place, Stevie's parents' house. Sally begins freaking out over what to say, starts rambling then crying at which point Josh, the only sane one left, says, you know what? Lemme take this one. Stevie opens the door and Sally is overjoyed that he isn't decomposing while Josh, again sane AND smart (don't let the grave digging fool you) realizes that Stevie must have also discovered the secret to eternal youth. They come in and Josh ostensibly looks for the bathroom while really trying to discover evidence of a cannibalistic orgy. The house is clear until he gets to the kitchen and begins to smell something but whether in a wolfy way or a hey, you got a sewer drain back up kind of way, I'm not quite certain. (See: multitasking) He traces the odor to the breadbox and finds and arm. Guess Stevie was in the mood for a humerus sandwich. Anyway, he calls our two zombies in for a come to Jesus meeting where Stevie confesses the evolution of his hunger and how he killed his parents to eat them but because didn't want to get sick off of spoiled food, put them in the garage freezer. Smart boy. Stevie is conflicted (drink) because his parents were so happy to have him back and changed nothing about the house/their lives and he repaid their joy by eating them out of skin and bone. Josh points to the arm and calmly asks if that was his dad. No, Stevie finished them a while ago. That was the mailman. 'You killed and ate a United State postal worker?!' might have been the funniest thing that I heard yesterday. The postman will never ring twice again, that's for sure.

Stevie knows he's been a bad boy and will be sent to bed without supper so he leads them to the garage where he has set up another noose and asks them to help him kill himself. Again. Because he doesn't have the courage to do it having been there before. Sally wants to help him but you see the resolve harden in Josh's eyes and know that he knows that this is the only way. Stevie of course then tries to eat Josh who is having none of that and tells Sally to leave the garage while he helps Stevie with his problem. Josh returns to the kitchen where Stevie appears for final goodbyes and thank yous when his door appears. Josh interestingly enough can't see Stevie or the door as he hasn't re-wolfed yet then yay! gets his second sight back. Stevie starts moving through the door when Sally shakes off the cobwebs in her brain, realizing that it's the same door that Nick went through. She tries to call him back but the white light takes him and poof! Gone. Josh is confused but Sally explains that each door is personal and that was the same one Nick had. Something sinister? Or just reserved for zombies? Probably something sinister. What did they do with Stevie's body? It appears nothing as really, who is going to notice at this point. Good thing to because I'm sure that Josh is developing some splendid calluses. They are about to head back home when Sally decrees that they are going to have to do something about her soon as she really wants to take the arm for a doggy bag.

Aidan really hasn't been that interesting. A lot of flashbacks in which people speak in soft Irish accents and there's a church with the pastor and now he's berating Aidan for not coming to services and look! Now there's a baby and it's Aidan's and it's all rather dull as I can't understand a single word being said. He's back home? As a vampire? How did his wife giving birth not drive him round the bend with blood lust because let me tell you, it ain't a pretty thing, amirite Dyl? We rejoin Aidan in the present where I assume he's been broody and conflicted (drink) and is wanting sexytimez with Kat but won't because he dangerous right now. He leaves her house with blue balls and out of sight tears into a fresh bag of O+ which one must always have on hand to attend to sexy emergencies. Sated, he goes back and gets laid because will power is not one of his strongest suits.

Josh is late for his date with Pete but brings the beer. As he ambles through the yard, he hears a ruckus in the  trailer and sees Pete being attacked by an infected vampire as Blake has shared the cure with the other vamps and trussed Pete up to be used as an antibiotic. Josh tries to help Pete but Desperate Vamp tries to take him out next. Blake intervenes, reminding out poxy friend that Josh is off limits and if he doesn't want to leave the trailer in a vacuum cleaner, he best be getting back to business. They push Josh out of the trailer where he naturally hits his head and goes unconscious as being hard-headed is clearly not a literal thing for him as Pete is slowly tortured and drained of his blood.

Next morning Aidan he wakes up outside of a house apparently sleeping off a bender and stumbles out of the yard and back home. However, he was not alone....Kat's ex-boyfriend lies dead in the alley and really Aidan, the past is the past and you just need to let it go. She was with him, it was over. Accept it, move on.

All in all a pretty creep episode and with only 2 episodes left, building up to something big involving witches, zombies and Josh making peace with White Fang.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Incredibly True Tales of the Amazing Spider-Man...Balloon

I am a world class impulse shopper. There, I said it. Secret's out. But! I very rarely impulse buy for myself. It's usually things for Dylan, the kids or my nieces and nephews. And in this case, for a very special set of nephews....

See, my youngest sister has twin boys and I feel a special kinship with them as 1) they were born in March (Holla!) and B) the younger (Carter) is a lefty (like me. Holla x2) so when I was in the local Wegman's two weeks ago and saw a giant Spider Man balloon, well, that was all she wrote.

Is he not a magnificent hunk of reinforced foil?!

For lo, the theme of their birthday party was Superheroes! And a giant Spider Man is just what is needed to really complete the experience. After getting the okay from my sister (Cath), I placed an order for a Spidey of our very own to be picked up the next Friday.

Well, the next Friday rolled around and in the frenzy of completing my own superhero costume (that is a story for another time), the Wegman's was my last stop as even I am not dumb enough to haul a giant Spider Man balloon around Hunt Valley Town Centre. Costumes pieces procured for MacGyvering (related: it's really hard to find white bow ties outside of formal wear stores), I made my jaunty way over to the store to claim my prize; the piece de resistance of the party.

And as I had remembered (though not clearly enough), the thing was huge (TWSS). They tried to wrestle it into a bag but hey! I have a mini-van so I got this. Arm in arm with Spidey, we sashayed through the parking lot, to the very back because this was a Friday during lunch time at Wegman's were ALL the hipster careerists and angry old people convene. Smiling and nodding at folks agape at my companion, we made it to the van. Because I have a weird sense of humor, I tried to put him in the front seat because HILARITY. No dice; he was too big for the front (the jokes, they just write themselves). So instead of putting down the other bag and purse to get a better grip on my friend, I get him one-handed out of the front seat. Oh, did I mention it was windy? It was windy. Very.

Next I thought I'd try putting Spidey in Noelle's booster seat; the privacy glass would prevent folks from seeing him but Noah would be in awe. He, um, was too big for the middle seats. Fuck. Into the back with you my good superhero. The only issue here is that the third row seats were up as planning ahead is clearly my forte. I get chunk-a-lunk into the trunk area (sigh), timing wind gusts and close the lift gate. Where it immediately snags on Spidey's hand. Oh god DAMMIT!. Still holding the bag and purse, I open the lift gate again to reposition him and that's when the flipping gale blew in. Spidey flew right out of the van, onto the top of a car the next row over and starting bouncing across the parking lot. I'm standing there, lift gate up, stuff in hand saying, 'You have got to be fucking kidding me' as I watch Spider Man make a break for it. I threw the bag in the bag, got a hold of my purse and pelted after him as he bounced from car to car back to the store. Not watching traffic or pedestrians I just flat out ran which if you have ever tried to do in steel toed shoes was quite a feat indeed, leaving patrons staring and pointing and most likely choking on their sushi from laughter.

Bouncing, bouncing, bouncing, Spidey leaped from car to car and oh, just the irony of it all. Just before the main aisle, Spidey descended from his height becoming momentarily stopped between the curb and a car. I cut across the aisle grabbed him in my arm and marched his butt right back to the van past all the good people who watched my mad dash through a Wegman's parking lot for a balloon; a lot less sanguine now. However, there was still the issue with how to get him in. I was able to shift things around enough to fold down half of the rear seat and with no little force, shove him in there, still one-handed.

You win this time, von Doom....

Not willing to tempt fate, Spidey spent the night in the van before appearing at the party in all of his triumphant glory.

Imma stay right here and protect this corner.
God help me if next year they want Batman....