Thursday, November 5, 2015

What's a blog for if not for complaining?

Okay, fine, I have lots of good/funny/thought-provoking posts in the queue but they're hanging out there in the nether ether because I've been super focused on HEALTH and WORKING OUT and stuffs during my lunch breaks recently to remember to take care of the mental (see what I did there) side of things. Also I have to share a computer with Dylan and he's been doing a lot of shows recently and I rediscovered I have almost every Sookie Stackhouse novel on my Kindle and that whole series needs, nay, demands re-reading and blah blah talkycakes.

Anyhoodle, I stayed up way too late reading last night but still dragged my butt out of bed at 0-dark-thirty to work out. That was my first mistake. The second was getting out of bed altogether. I had made my lunch last night which was a good thing as this morning was dedicated to dinner prep (Garlic Shrimp Stuffed Avocados - peeling four cups of frozen shrimp takes, how shall I put this, a stupid-long time. Totally worth it though. Moving on.) Of course, no morning is complete without short-order cooking microwaving breakfast for the kids. But never at the same time because why would they allow me to coordinate movements with shrimpy hands? At least I didn't have to drag either of them out of bed this morning so there's that.

Shrimp peeled, garlic minced, kids fed, finally time to prepare my omelet for breakfast. Heated up the pan on the stove and whisked the eggs all fluffy like. Dammit, forgot the bacon. Eh, screw it. Wait, nope, it's bacon. Have to have it. Microwave bacon. Holding bowl, whisk and cooking spray, attempt to remove lid of spray. Drop spray which rolls under cabinet and end up covered in cat fur. Most people would put the bowl and whisk down at this point but I'm not most people. Still holding the bowl and whisk, retrieve spray and blow off cat fur. Spray pan while simultaneously dropping whisk. Dammit! Put spray down, pick up whisk still holding bowl. Promptly spill half of eggs onto counter, down cabinet, and onto the floor. A@$%d^e$%! Crack open last egg and beat to within an inch of its life. (For the record though, this may have been my best omelet to date. The secret ingredients? Rage and cat fur.)

It's school picture day so commence delicate negotiations with Noah over an appropriate shirt to wear (spoiler: not Orioles or tie-dyed Eye of Sauron.) Compromise by tucking said Eye of Sauron shirt into his backpack to change into later. Yes! Victory is mine! Wait, why is the coffee pot making gurgling noises? Oh dear lord, please don't let the pot be cracked. That would be filed under First World Problems: Very Bad. Whew, no crack. Don't want to know why it's gurgling. Onward, Ferb!

Okay, we're back on schedule, everyone looks presentable. Hey guys, let me take a picture of you before Picture Day (yes, I realize how asinine this sounds.) Noelle, give me a pose. Awesome, thanks honey.

Okay Noah, now you. Can you please look at me? Aw, thanks for the hug sweetie, all right, let's do a selfie.

Okay, please can I get a picture of you? Arms down? Smiling? No, not scowling. No, not like you're in pain. C'mon honey, a real smile? You know what? Forget it. I'm done. I ask so little of you and you won't let me take a nice picture. Fine. Yes, I'm upset. I'm disappointed that you wouldn't do that for me. Put your jacket on and get in the car. We're leaving.

I silently groused on the drive to the bus stop. We got there just in time to see the bus appear out of the fog. Hugs and kisses and 'I love yous' and onto the bus they went, me back into the car to head to work through the thick fog. Visibility was low so of course I had someone riding my ass then passing me as soon as he could which did nothing for my mood. So here I am: tired, cranky, sore, and annoyed as hell at anyone who commented on the sample buckets looking to be heavy (they were) and not doing a damn thing to help. PSA: if you're not going to help me with them, keep your mouth SHUT. That is all.

The upside? My boss bought us lunch today. I had already logged my pre-prepared sandwich but after this morning, honey badger don't care.

And I ate the whole thing and felt better because food makes me happy and I'm not allowed to drink wine at work. The end.