World: ORLY? We had no idea.
Me: But I don't want to be grumpy; I shouldn't be grumpy. I mean, the kids are back in school! For a whole full day! Do you know how magical this in during the extreme winter of fuckupedness? I didn't have to yell this morning to get them going, everyone was dressed appropriately, there was no whining over video games...it was a veritable prancing rainbow unicorn that smiles jelly beans. And yet, I'm grumpy.
World (sighs, pulls up a chair): So, why are you grumpy?
Me: Well, it started when I got to work and got the samples together to take to the technical center. There four bags of the heaviest, densest stuff we make and a bunch of other things that I had to take up.
World: Well, why didn't you drive?
Me: Are you crazy? I never drive if I can walk; it's all about being a responsible global citizen since it's only 500ish feet away.
World: Plus you want to get your steps in.
Me: ...well, yes. But that's not the point! But if I don't carry them, then my back-up has to and it's too heavy so she'd have to drive, thereby defeating the entire purpose of walking in the first place. Not to mention that I work with several capable men who could certainly assist with the sample schlep but no, my back up is a five-foot-two, 62 year old woman with a bad foot.
World: But...haven't you been lifting weights?
Me: Hey! Focus!
World: Sigh, right, bad lazy men.
Me: Exactly. Then when I get up there, even though I've been carrying these stupid green buckets filled with samples daily for the past four years, someone always has to make a comment about it: 'Hey bucket lady!' 'Wow, that's a lot of buckets!' 'Boy, those look heavy.' etc which makes me want to scream at them to either help or shut the hell up but I can't so I give them a strangled grimace and 1000 yard stare because 'professional' and 'assault charges' and shit.
World: So stupid clueless people are stupid and clueless. What else you got?
Me: Well, I skipped my workout this morning to sleep in a bit since I stayed up late reading...
World: And whose fault is that?
Me: Do you mind?
World: Not at all.
Me: ...so I figured that I'd just do cardio at the gym today but realized when I got to work that I wouldn't have time to go to the gym as I have way too much to do.
World: Yet you sit here writing about your grumpiness....
Me: You're not being very sympathetic.
World: We're not the one whining.
Me: Argh! You don't get it! The kids not being in school threw off my work schedule plus meetings with new head bosses who yawned their way through our discussion followed up by even more pointless strategy planning sessions means that I have an entirely stupid amount of samples to process now! Not to mention yet another head person who doesn't understand what I do because he couldn't stop yawning long enough to listen! Add that to being the only one in the 'leadership group' who had their goals voted on by the group because clearly I'm incapable of setting reasonable goals that it won't matter what they are since I don't get any support around here anyway plus the daily thermostat battle and now the moisture vac machine running six hours a day right outside my office but no one cares since it doesn't affect them....
World: Hm? Did you say something?
Me: I think we're done here.
World: Always happy to help.