Defiance: Brothers in Arms

Previously on Defiance: Irisa tortured a creepy Castithan businessman then had regret-sex with Deputy Tommy while Nolan and Amanda re-enacted a Wild West hold-up gone horribly wrong.

A pudgy Castithan is being chased through the market by a steely-eyed tough guy. Cornered, he releases an energy blast from what appears to be a container of bubble solution. Diversion created, he tries to slink away  when Terry Tate, Office Linebacker Nolan flies through the air and tackles him causing Steely Tough to whine 'But that's MY bounty!' *Pouts* Steely Tough is none other than Buddy Eddie from the unit back in 'Nam. Nolan made the tackle so Nolan gets the prisoner; Eddie less than graciously agrees but demands booze and boobs in return. No worries Eddie, Nolan's got this.

Stitching the mad bomber up is Doc and our new friend Pol tries to recruit her to break him out of jail. Doc essentially rolls her eyes at him so off to Kenya's the bros go where of course they run into Irisa. Nolan should be really glad that Child Protection Services aren't around anymore. Eddie was there when Nolan rescued Irisa, natch, and Irisa glowers at 'Uncle' Eddie. Drink. Booze procured, Eddie starts looking for some boobs and eyes Kenya. Nolan is less than thrilled with this but hey, she's on the clock. Dolla dolla bills yo. Off they go upstairs when she 'remembers' that she already had another client scheduled but hey! I got you a consolation prize of a Six-Legged Monkey Crawl. To the surprise of no one, Eddie is more than okay with this.

Downstairs, Amanda and Kenya discuss Kenya's relationship with Nolan. Amanda basically says, 'Gurl, he's just that into you and you should go for it!' while Kenya looks doubtful. It appears she's regretting giving Nolan the rewards card.

Back at Lawkeeper Central, Irisa is sharpening her knife and glowering at the stone. Drink. Deputy Tommy comes in and tries to talk to her, inviting her over that night. Clearly he's looking for more than an one-afternoon stand but Irisa is not making any schnitzel for him. See kids, this is why work hookups are more trouble than they're worth. While having this heart to heart, someone drops a mysterious packet of flower food into Pol's cell and he asks for some salt and water. Tommy gets it for him and they leave...with Pol close behind after blowing up the cell.

In the Mayor's office, Amanda argues with Nolan over who has jurisdiction over Pol - them or Eddie. He's loyal to his friend but will back up his mayor. This may all be moot when Government Agent Suave guy comes in also wanting Pol and with apparent relationship baggage tied to Amanda. Amanda makes a deal for goods for Pol - which will be difficult to collect on since he's disappeared.

Former Mayor Nicki has not left town for the golf courses of Florida after all and accosts Quentin in the trailer diner working on the puzzle of the golden bearclaw. She attempts to sweet talk him, calling him the smart one and asking questions about the golden bearclaw as Hipster Glasses watches nearby. Quentin takes news of the conversation home to Rafe who tells him to throw the bearclaw down the mineshaft and melt it. If Nicky is interested in it then it can't be good and if Rafe is acting intelligently, then the end is nigh and we are all doomed.

Pol returns to the scene of the blast to reclaim his bag from where he stashed it at the haberdashery. It may be the post-apocalyptic world but damn it, we will have hats! The good man running the stall is compensated with a silver disc of doom that is not money but does kill him because clearly: werewolf. Or Pol is a sociopath. Could go either way at this point.

Pol tracks down the most ego-maniacal powerful Castithan he can find: Datak. In that all white house, if they close their eyes you could have a helluva game of 'Marco Polo'. Pol needs to get out of town and to do that, he needs Datak's assistance. Datak, who is only mostly a fool, does not want to undermine the life he has carved out - people are RESPECTING him, DAMMIT, but Pol appeals to his vanity. Surprisingly, Datak tells Pol to get out but look, Pol brought dinner that looks a lot like chicken cacciatore. Aw, how sweet. It tastes of home. Datak pulls a gun and tries to throw Pol out of the house when inexplicably his hand starts to shake. Pol twists his ring and Datak falls to the floor in abject pain. The stew, it was booby-trapped! Really, Pol? You are a hotshot weapons person and you develop a ring to give a person gastrointestinal distress? I can do that too; it's called ordering Chinese take out.

Quentin is trying to be a good son and dispose of the golden bearclaw when Luke's shot appears and tells him not to do it. So he doesn't. Sigh. None of the McCawley's are very bright apparently.

Eddie and Nolan trace pol to Datak's because hello Castithan profiling. Datak is nice and helpful but they don't find Pol. Pol asks Datak to get him over the boundary out of Defiance - to the Boss Hogg mobile! But because this is opposite day, the Dukes give chase in the post-apocalyptic General Lee. Nolan is increasingly suspicious of Eddie but the bromance is strong and chooses not to listen to, oh, I don't know, EVERYBODY.

Hipster Glasses has broken into the McCawley's house looking for the Golden Bearclaw. Quentin comes home helpfully holding the bearclaw and they struggle; Quentin is tased. HG takes the bearclaw but while he's admiring his prize, Q wakes up and egged on by Ghost Luke, chokes HG to death. Luke gives Q a paranormal high five because if you don't listen to the ghost of your older brother who made very questionable life choices, you get your teenager card revoked.

Nolan and Eddie overtake Pol and Datak because everyone knows that the General Lee can outrun Boss Hogg's POS. Irisa and Tommy take Datak back to Defiance but not before leaving Eddie w/ another glower. Drink. There's a 3-way bitchfest with Pol whining/bragging how everyone wants him for his weapony ways; Eddie wants Pol for the bounty money, Nolan wants Pol back in jail. Nolan goes all 'I'm taking my ball and going home' and takes care of the issue by killing Pol. Eddie goes nutso that Pol was his meal ticket, he has no money, nothing to live for talkycakes. Eddie pulls a gun on Nolan to make HIM the bounty because of Irisa. Unbelievably Nolan talks his way out of this mess then proceeds to give Eddie a get out of jail free pass in return for telling the collective that Irisa is dead to keep her safe and Eddie pulls a gun on him. Nolan ends up on the wrong side of the gun a lot for a Lawkeeper. Marshal Mysterious arrives and is apoplectic that Pol is dead. Eddie takes the blame and is thrown into the unmarked rover but has the packet of mysterious powder and asks for water and salt. That's it; everyone in the future is going to be forced to retake Science 101.

Nolan goes back to find Kenya who shockingly enough did not take Amanda's advice and dumps him for not being her type. I thought that anyone with a dick would be her type but whatever. Does this mean Nolan has to pay her now?

Quentin is back in the mines throwing HG down the mineshaft as Ghost Luke cheers him on.  Ghost Luke is kind of an ass. You know, Quentin's pretty handy in a crisis. I think that I want him on my team. He has one last chance to dispose of the golden bearclaw forever but alas, cannot bear to part with his precious. He does however, sneer at the hipster glasses before tossing them into the shaft of despair. What have we learned today? Hipsters meet with grizzly ends. You heard it here first kids.

The showdown between Eddie and Nolan was a bit anticlimactic but I loved how Nolan went Indiana Jones on Pol's ass proving he's not entirely useless.

Next week: Will Amanda make a play for Nolan? Can Irisa not glower at someone? And who is Stahma confessing to?

Defiance: The Serpent's Egg

Previously on Defiance: Mommy issues! Soothed Albino Butthurt! 20th century St. Louis cave paintings! Let's do this.

When the only reminder around that St. Louis was once the Gateway to the West is the structurally questionable Arch, it makes perfect sense to set up your radio station from there as everyone knows that radio waves  travel straight down (Science!) and thank goodness that Alak Tarr had the foresight to do just that. And it is from this vantage point he spots the supply truck entering the town and spreads the happy news. In a scene right out of and Black Friday ever, the townsfolk surround the truck and I can't believe how relieved I am that some of our ancient customer survived the alien apocalypse.

Mayor Amanda is heading out of town with a case full of money with Marshal Lawkeeper Nolan riding alongside for security/prisoner transport of Rynn (Spirit 2) leaving Defiance in the hands of Deputy Tommy and Irisa who I'm sure is just itching to continue the path of personal growth she demonstrated in The Devil In The Dark. I'm sure that Kenya is thrilled about this. Amanda spots a vacuum cleaner salesman ambassador and does her best to not make eye contact but alas, must converse. Refreshingly Amanda tells the ambassador that she really doesn't want to talk to her but oh look! They'll be sharing the same transport. How cozy. Nolan gets Rynn secured on board and she promptly relieves the pig-dwarf of his pen. Sigh. Hubris will the downfall of them all.

The transport is barely out of town when Irisa spots a well groomed Castithan gentlemen enter Kenya's establishment and like any good Lawkeeper in Training, immediately tails him. Those contacts have got to be hella-uncomfortable as her eyes does not blink. Most likely to keep the lenses in but still. She confronts the visitor - Dago - outside and when he doesn't confess to...something, she kicks the crap out of him and drags him into a basement. As one does.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: A priest, a bigamous ambassador and a Lawkeeper are traveling together.... Barbs are exchanged, souls are attempted to be saved, jailbreaks are underway and awkward banter with your paramour's older sister are had. Finally, naps are taken and pens are disassembled. Manacles are released and oops! guns are drawn against heads. Manacles are reapplied, contraband is secured by getting to second base and life goes on. Until it doesn't. For the driver. He must have been wearing a red shirt.

Back in the basement of despair, Irisa is going through the visitors case - which appears to be trinkets and odds and ends for sale - all the while haranguing Dago that it! is! him! He of course is all no! I'm! not! He is not the Castithan you are looking for. Irisa is having none of it and holds up a very incriminating pendant. Well, it certainly is incriminating in the 'dear god, would anyone really wear that?!' way. Dago is clearly thinking 'bitch be crazy' and we are maybe kinda inclined to agree with him. She finally loses patience and stomps out leaving him there.

On the bus, Red Shirt has been relieved of his blood courtesy of a gun and the announcement of This Is A Stick Up. But...how? How did they know? Aha! An accomplice on the inside! Was it Rynn with the Boob Bic? The Ambassador with husbands Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? The priest with the Gideons bible? The priest, of course. It is known that holy men are up to no good. It is known. Marauder One grabs Tweedle Dum's family jewels and finding them...lacking, shoots him. Guess not all stereotypes are grounded in truth. Well that solved the bigamy issue. Marauder Two and Fr. McBackstabber look to escape with the money. Things happen, a safety pin is dropped and Rynn has yet another lock pick in her possession while the ambassador is kidnapped by the horde. Seriously people, keep track of your stuff or you could be the one setting criminals free.

Wherever Irisa is, you know Tommy can't be far behind and he's not as he spots her disappearing down an alleyway with a bag she is careful to keep far away from her body. He follows her because he is no fool and forces his way into the secret basement of torture. Where he's promptly handcuffed to a radiator. Jeez Tommy, I thought you knew her. Let this be a lesson to you kids; think with the upstairs brain, not the downstairs one. Dago is begging to be released, Irisa is screaming that he's the one who tortured her long ago and Tommy looks like he'd rather be anywhere than where he is. He attempts to inject some rationality into the proceedings and oh hon, too little too late. She pulls a snake out of the bag and lets it have at Dago. Tommy is clearly thinking that there is NO WAY this is going in the report when Dago begins laughing like a crazy man and...confessing! The venom cleared his mind, tore away the facade he had constructed and it was all true! Her parents gave her to his secret circle and while her parents watched, they tortured her to unleash her power. All that remained was to sacrifice a supplicant. As someone's hand closed over Irisa's to guide the knife, Nolan's commando team bursts in to take out the circle and save her. Nolan releases her and holds out his arms so she can run to him for safety. All snark aside, this was a terrific portrayal of a very young, scared and confused Irisa. So that's how she ended up with Nolan. Dago still wants to be a kingmaker and Tommy is very willing to allow him to be the sacrifice but Irisa shows more personal growth and stops him, leaving Dago with his failure, limping out of town to the unmarked van of shame.

There's a standoff in the old west with the bandits holding the open ground and the law with the truck. They finally decide that they are sitting ducks in the truck (ORLY?) But no worries, they have a plan! One that includes Nolan doing the hostage negotiations (dafuq?) and Amanda doing the recon/sniper act. Even in fashionable footwear she gets the drop on the Marauders sniper, allowing Nolan the upper hand. They've rescued the ambassador and her remaining husband! Except she's in with the Marauders and is about to leave Nolan, Amanda and Tweedle Dee in the wilderness when Houdini Rynn shows up and gets the drop on HER because there is honor among thieves. Wisely, Nolan and Amanda decide yanno, let's just leave it at time served. Tweedle Dee shows balls and asks very very meekly for Rynn to take him the hell away from there. Nolan and Amanda drag the ambassador's ass back to Defiance to put her on another transport...anywhere. Because they are decent people and whatnot. This kindness is repaid by Ambassabitch requesting any and all information about Amanda on her desk by COB or there'll be hell to pay.

Irisa and Tommy are decompressing in the Lawkeeper's office when Tommy awkwardly tries to tell Irisa how much he likes her, that he has hidden pain too. Shockingly enough, Irisa picks up what he's laying down and does the only sensible thing: jumps his bones. All well and good but really kids, couldn't you have moved into a cell? I shudder to think what is on those floors... This will certainly make the next work day super comfortable for everyone as Nolan and Amanda are relaxing at Kenya's who I'm sure is delighted to see her big sister being flirty with her...semi-john? Man, the holidays are sure gonna be awkward this year.

Next week: What will happen to Tommy and Irisa's relationship? Is Irisa's latent power tied to her visions? How can Christie see Alak at the top of the Arch? See you next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel.

Defiance: A Well Respected Man

When last we left the good folks of Defiance, the Hellbugs had been contained and the golden bear claw of Antioch had been found though there was some discussion as to whether it really was a fritter but no matter.

Nolan and Irisa bust a couple of the most hopeless Irathient hoodlums ever for gun running and one would think that the town council would be overjoyed by this but...no. This was actually an approved scheme to get Votan weapons into Defiance to defend against the ever-present attack of the Volge as the stasis field is, well, no more. Any guesses who the middleman is? Go on, take a 'stab' at it. No? Very well, Datak, he of the New Wave band Albino Butthurt, coordinated the purchases which Amanda's pet Lawkeeper put a stop to and the council is quite put out about it. Amanda rightly asks well how was I supposed to know if you don't tell me?! And is roundly scolded by Rafe that it was 'need to know' and she didn't need to know. Um. 'kay.

After a long day of being the hard-charging Lawkeeper, Nolan goes for a little R and R courtesy of Kenya and her duct tape bra of wonder. She's wookin' per nub and so ratchets up their relationship by comping his ride.

Amanda's bad day is about to get worse when a citizen stops her on the street complaining about how her husband as been availing himself of Kenya's charms. When Amanda tells her it's perfectly legal and maybe she ought to check herself, the woman pulls the 'what would your mother think!' line that sends Amanda into a flashback of her and her mother scavenging a burnt out bus during an attack and comforting a very young Kenya with the medal of 'St. Finnegan' (patron saint of brothels and booze). She comes back to the present and completely bitchslaps the bitch. Amanda dear, I know that you are new to this 'mayor' thing but one does not usually strike one's constituents when one will have to ask for their vote. Just a thought.

Now completely wound up, Amanda bursts into Kenya's room and loudly berates her for her choice in careers because let's share the misery people! After ogling a shirtless Nolan first of course because:  priorities. Amanda departs in high dudgeon and Kenya is informed of a theft from a client by one of her workers. Girlfriend takes off into the sketchy part of town with the duct taped wonder close behind. She's looking to score a hit when Kenya arrives to drag her back but they are both interrupted by the arrival Ulysses - the bioman Nolan fought and immobilized when he arrived in town. Apparently Ulysses holds grudges and so takes the ladies captive and throws them into the unmarked van.

As it's not an episode without daddy issues, Quentin and Rafe nearly come to blows in the mine when Quentin wants to explore L7 where Luke had been working. Rafe forbids him and Quentin calls him out that Dad just doesn't trust in him like he did Luke. Quentin leaves, not in anger but in sadness and if Rafe ever wrote a book called, 'Be An Awesome Parent By Always Doing the Exact Opposite of What I Do' he'd make his fortune. Again.

Amanda realizes that Kenya is missing and they track her to Ulysses. Who is employed by Datak so this should go over swimmingly. And indeed, Datak refuses to help find Kenya as he has been insulted - Insulted!- by the complete lack of respect afforded to him after so nobly assisting the town by coordinating weapons purchases. Never mind that he knifed Brave Sir Robin and left him as a doormat for the Lawkeepers.  Stahma catches up with Amanda to help and suggests that as there is an open council seat, maybe she could appoint Datak and soothe the butthurt with a show of respect as no one wants anything bad to happen to Kenya as everyone in town loves her. Stahma is calm and diffident but her eyes, oh her eyes. They are dead eyes, like dolls' eyes.

The next day is opposite day as now Nolan and Datak are buddy buddy cops getting information on Ulysses's operation from various sectors. Amazingly enough, Datak is the rational and thoughtful one with his finger on the pulse of the town; clearly this is someone you want on your side. If only he wasn't such a raging fuckwad the other 95% of the time.

Turns out that when you are hard-pressed for drugs in the apocalyptic future, necessity is the mother of invention. Or at least syringes and Chem 101 gear to harvest adrenaline. The lab rat Miko is understandably apoplectic at the sight of Kenya because the Mayor's missing sister is kind of a big thing but eh, no time to quibble about morals now. Kenya awakes locked in a room and rouses the other girl. They make a break for it, being covert and sneaky to avoid the Volge patrolling the corridors and it totally would have worked except for the whole breathing really really loudly in small confined spaces piece. She has girlie grab hold of her St. Finnegan's medal to realize, that wait, this isn't real because she dropped that outside Not So Good Humor Truck of Terror. She comes to and removes the needle that was extracting the adrenaline from her brain and it is all very Matrix-like. She whacks Miko on the head with a flask and being either extraordinarily lucky (or doomed - depending on your point of view) a piece of glass cuts Miko's jugular which enrages Ulysses 'Oh My God, You Killed Miko!' To the surprise of absolutely no one, Nolan, Irisa, Deputy Tommy and Amanda arrive and rescue Kenya.

Quentin and Rafe mend their relationship over talk and the golden bear claw and Rafe confesses that he already lost Luke and Christie, he can't lose Quentin too. They will explore L7 - and get answers about what Luke was up to - together. What's gonna work? Teamwork.

Kenya, in a fit of generousness, did not fire Thievy McRunaway. No, she's still employed and Kenya calls her over to give her the medal of St. Finnegan - the patron saint of lost children. Thievy takes one look at it and calls it what it is: St. Christopher, the patron saint of lost things explaining that she had been raised by nuns and okay, fine. We'll go with it. Catholic education can send one over the edge. Deducing that Amanda may not have been exactly truthful with her about their mother, she goes for answers. Turns out, all those years ago when Mommy Dearest and Amanda were scavenging, there was an attack. Mom panicked and ran, insisting that Kenya could find them later when Amanda protested leaving her little sister behind. Mom basically said 'peace out' and hightailed it out of there right quick. Amanda took the medallion of St. Christopher and not knowing anything about it, gave it the name of the man wearing it: Finnegan. Rather than being pissed at being lied to for so many years that their mother was dead and wanted Kenya to have the medallion, Kenya's tearfully amazed that Amanda would come back for her. Um, because you're my sister dummy.

Down in the mines, Rafe turns off the safety bars and he and Quentin enter L7. They come upon paintings featuring the golden bear claw and I had no idea that 21st century St. Louis had hieroglyphics but hey! The show is both fun AND educational.

Amanda introduces the newest member of the council and it's none other than our good buddy Unstable Albino Vampire Datak! So she did take Stahma's 'suggestion' proving once again that Stahma is Puppet Master Extraordinaire. And only Nolan seems to have realized this: the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

So: we've had illegal arms shipments, underground drug labs and political intrigue. All we need is a hooker with a heart of gold and....oh. Wait. Never mind. But! Where is Former Mayor Nicki? Why did she resign? Is anyone going to fix that stasis field? And how best to eat that bear claw? Questions for next week I suppose.

Defiance: The Devil in the Dark

Previously on Defiance: sides were chosen, lines were drawn and the golden brooch of Antioch was found. Let's do this!

A human has sneaked into the woods to retrieve...a pair of red running shoes. He laces them up and pops in some ear buds (good to know that iPods can survive the apocalypse. Well played, Steve Jobs. Well played indeed.) and plunges into the woods for a refreshing run while motorcycles pass him heading into town. He's maybe 100 yards into his run when he notices bushes rustling ominously and stops to look around because of course he does. Cautiously, he starts again when he is attacked by an unknown assailant and dragged away thus proving once again that dead men wear red.

You know what this series has been lacking? Brothel action. So off to Kenya's House of Booze and Boobs we head and are treated to the sight of something sizzling in oil and an older balding human man wearing what appears to be a diaper and chained to the bed as his...host...of the day pours the hot oil on his chest and rubs it in good. There is NO WAY I'm Googling that fetish. NO. Way. Super Diaper Man is really getting into this type of play and his dominatrix is doing a pretty poor job of fulfilling his fantasies as she doesn't stop looking at the clock. I kind of want to pat her head and tell her that the cooking of the breakfast comes AFTER but you go on with your bad self there girlfriend. Super Diaper Man has very poor self control to the delight of Julia Child when his ribs inexplicably start coming out of his chest and I shall hereby dub him Crispy McInside-Out. Hm. Perhaps she should have used a low-smoke oil instead. No matter.

In the town square, Irisa seems to be practicing a form of tai chi with a knife and a butterfly when a vision overtakes her. An Irathient child and her parents being attacked. This understandably knocks her for a loop and the butterfly hastens away. Ambling through town, she comes across two of the Spirit Riders that assisted with the defeat of the Volge from the pilot. They've clearly not left town yet and may be looking to put down roots. The leader who is wearing what appears to be a skinned Muppet on his shoulder goes to talk to the Mayor who offers official welcome and the directions to Rafe's house as apparently there is some dispute of the parts of the land ownership of the mines. Good thing that won't affect Christie's wedding to Alak Tarr.

Across town in the Castithan section, Christie has moved in with the Tarrs and to express her thanks for supporting her engagement to Alak, has made them dinner. Mmm, crown roast of otter. Stahma is very gracious and encouraging. Datak, well, he insults Christie's cooking in Castithan which of course she is learning so hey! Awkward! She leaves the table in distress, Alak chases after her but not before letting Datak know that he done fucked up real good. Datak is defensive and grumpy and Stahma moves to smooth it over, trying to explain the gesture on Christie's part to be one of family and etc. Datak grumps that Alak needs to get control over his soon-to-be wife because that is the Castithan way and you can practically HEAR Stahma roll her eyes because yeah Datak, you are TOTALLY in charge. Alak catches up with Christie on the veranda and tries to soothe her when vicious hissing and clicking sounds erupt from the night! Giant...Spider-Lobsters called Hellbugs are attacking and her screams bring Datak and Stahma running as she tried to fight it off with a lamp stand. MacGyver she ain't but points for trying to stay alive and all that. Now fighting monsters? Oh hells yeah and Datak leaps to it with an almost fiendish glee. In a short time he struts out of the house, the Castithan equivalent of testosterone flooding off of him in waves. As grateful Christie is to him to still be alive, I doubt she'll be joining the Fun Family Bath Nights anytime soon. Revenge is a dish best served with a side of shut-the-fuck-ups.

Meanwhile Doc Yewll had diagnosed the case of massive inside-outness as an attack by a Hellbug and once Nolan, Irisa and Deputy Tommy heard that there was an attack on Christie at the Tarrs, they race to Rafe McCawley's house to find the Tarrs there with Christie seemingly making peace when the good Doc orders her to strip and shower like yesterday and burn the clothes she was wearing as they had been saturated with Hellbug pheromones, drawing the bugs in to attack. Who would do such a thing? And why? And what is with the obsession with bathing in this show? The answer may lie in Irisa's visions...

While Irisa runs away followed by Deputy Tommy (reporting for babysitting duty, Sir!), the mayor, Rafe and assorted mine folks sit down to pour over old papers as to who holds the rights to the land the mine is partially situated on. Tommy lost Irisa (worst babysitter ever) so Nolan tracks her down to a field where the visions become more and more intense leaving her a weeping shell of herself. Nolan can't help her as he's only a human so she goes to King Muppet Rider for Irathient advice which dovetails nicely with what he needs as his second in command has disappeared. This advice appears to require most everyone to partially disrobe and take hits off the sacred bong. What this does do is to focus her visions and like the Pensieve from Harry Potter, places her in the scene with anyone seeing her. She sees the Irathient girl living with her parents in the same field where she just collapsed when two humans appear. To the surprise of no one, they are Red Runs No More and Crispy McInside-Out who slaughtered the child's parents and attempted to kill her too. The child? King Muppet's lost second. When the vision ends, the Lawkeepers plus the Irathients make their way down to Old St. Louis in the minds to find her...as well as the lair of the Hellbugs which she called to exact revenge upon those who killed her family for their land. Now where have we heard this story before....?  The Hellbugs are big and fearsome but also blind and deaf (kind of like me) navigating almost entirely by smell (wait...) so how does one hide from the Spider-Lobsters? Coat oneself in Hellbug sthaka of course. They find the lost Spirit Rider and Irisa attempts to talk sense into her. When Irisa is the one being calm and rational, you know the crazy has been cranked to 11. Shots are exchanged, hostages and taken and Hellbug central is blown up. Huzzah.

Spirit 2 has been thrown into jail while Rafe and King Muppet come to an agreement on the land: Rafe returns the land to the Irathients who then agree to lease it back to the McCawley's for the mining activities so everyone wins? Sort of? At any rate, the party moves back to the brothel-bar where Nolan is reunited with Kenya and folks are happy. Except for Red Runs No More, Crispy McInside-Out and the Brave Sir Robin who was left outside the Lawkeeper offices last week and really? We're not even going to get into that? Fine. So: Christie and Rafe have repaired their relationship even though she's still living with the Tarrs, Nolan worries about Irisa and her visions, the Irathients got their revenge but that might not be enough and still no one knows who ordered Ben to blow the stasis field. That's what next week is for folks.

Defiance: Down in the Ground Where The Dead Men Go

How about that pilot? Something else, huh. Well, we've got a lot to discuss so let's get to it. There wasn't a tremendous amount of action in the episode but there was a good deal of exposition and better identifying the players and their motives. We head back now to Old St. Louis....

Everyone was very relieved and happy to have won the skirmish versus the Volge, everyone but Mayor Amanda who is mourning the loss of 41 citizens and Rafe McCawley who is mourning his son Luke. (See? I told you I'd work on getting the names right.) Oh, and one of the clan of Albino Butthurt (fine, Castithan) who is being roundly reprimanded for bringing dishonor to the Castithans by running away during the firefight with the Volge.He's not having such a great day either. I personally would have been racing him for title of Biggest Coward of the Universe but apparently the Castithan have rigid codes of honor not unlike the Klingons and the only way for him to regain his honor/cleanse himself of his sins is to be drawn and quartered. In the town square. O-kay then. Nolan and Irisa happen upon the charming scene and she proceeds to freak the fuck out, going full-on Manson Lamps at the crowd. As Chief Lawkeeper, Nolan does his part to calm things down by pointing his gun at the head of a Castithan bystander and threatening to shoot if they don't release Brave Sir Robin, Mayor Amanda joins in the fun demanding that Nolan put up his weapon while looking all the while she really wished she had never heard the term 'Mayor' before. He complies and follows her off, while Irisa stays in the square to watch. Nolan my man, you are never going to win a 'Father of the Year' award like that.

Meanwhile in the McCawley homestead, which is very nice and spacious in a post non-hostile alien invasion accidental apocalypse type of way, Chrissy is cooking breakfast for bro and Dad. Shockingly, no one is excited about the upcoming nuptials with Rafe going so far as to forbid her from marrying Alec Tarr with the predictable result because it was the Tarr's fault that Luke died. (Erm, no, that would have been Ben but thanks for playing.) Oh Rafe, have you never seen any coming of age movie? Or he's just pissed that Alec didn't ask for his blessing/dowry first. Hard to say. So Chrissy storms off to find Alec with her dad's proclamation that if she leaves she's never to come back. *Slow Clap* there Rafe; now there is one. Very nicely played. *Headdesk*

But Ben? What is he doing? Why would be blow the stasis field like that? And where the hell is security in this hospital because Hipster Glasses aka Mr. Birch wanders in and gives the comatose Ben a shot - literally - in the head. Usually this is to silence the witness but oddly enough, has the effect of waking him up and partially healing him. Enough anyway to continue with the plan to destroy Defiance but Ben doesn't have beef with anyone! He just wants some dolla dolla bills to get to Antarctica which apparently IS very nice this time of year. HG sends him on his way to more mischief and NO ONE SEES A DAMN THING. Oh right, because he killed the one guard there.

Datak (Butthurt) and Stahma (Wife of Butthurt) are in the bath - again - bathing in milk or some white substance and you know what? I really don't want to know what it is. The 'water' is white, they are white, the walls are white...it very much looks like floating eyes in there. Well, Datak is in the bath seething about the interference of Nolan in Castithan justice. Lady Stahma, on the other hand, is lounging poolside with nothing but strings of beads covering her bits. She saves her scheming for the bath as she goads Datak to exhibitionism by pretending to sympathize with the humans and their culture. "I PISS on their culture!' howls an obviously deranged Datak and I hesitate to point out that culture, in fact, is not a tangible thing so one can't really piss on it and...on second thought, you go on with your bad self there. Alec chooses this moment to slouch into the bathing chambers and DOESN'T BLINK AN EYE that his mostly naked mother stands up to talk to him and embraces him as he whines that Chrissy is having second thoughts about the wedding. She comforts him and oh by the way? SHE'S MOSTLY NAKED. GAH. How the boy was not permanently scarred by that I have no idea. And if anyone suggests an Oedipal complex I will throat-punch you, so help me God.

Amanda is staring morosely out the window of her office as Nicky packs up the remaining items from her reign. She is bothered by the Castithan notion of justice and expresses so to Nicky who then proceeds to give her a civics lesson that Council agreed to let each race handle their own affairs in their own way to which Amanda basically replies, well that's just stupid. Nicky looks at her with pity then leaves. She tears HG a new one for not helping her with her box o' stuff as even though she will sacrifice the many for the good of the few (one?), she's still a lady, dammit. We can but dream that they'll never return but we know she won't because she and HG need Defiance razed to find the lost artifact that will save them all.

Rafe is morosely searching Luke's room for clues as to why Ben killed him when he receives a call that Ben has escaped and blew something up in the mine. For a prisoner, Ben really gets around. Well, that rounds up the posse of Lawkeepers and miners and they head to the mines, back to the dark dangerous places that no one goes. But they will or die trying.

Chrissy apparently works in a restaurant and Stahma comes in to talk to her about why she wanted to cancel the wedding. Chrissy tells her that it's hard with her dad and losing Luke and can they just take it slow for a while? Stahma responds by telling a creepy ass story about her father putting her on the ship with a good honorable guard but then she had googly eyes for another dude who suffered from a severe case of the inferiors so Unstable Inferior Man 'accidentally' flushed 'Good Honorable Man' out of an airlock and everyone lived happily ever after. Except for Good Honorable Man who was, of course, dead. But hey, you can't win them all. Chrissy is comforted by this story (Dafuq?) and appears to regain confidence and I continue to maintain the Stahma IS Cersei, you know, aside from the brother-lovin'.

Remember Irisa? Who was left in the square with the Castithans drawing and quartering Brave Sir Robin? Right, well she continues to Manson Lamps at the folks but completely loses it when a young child picks up a rock to put in the basket. It's her against them all as she cuts down Brave Sir Robin; the crowd starting throwing the rocks at her when a shotgun blast splits the air. It's Deputy Tommy to the rescue! Again. He threatens to arrest everyone unless they disperse. Under what charge my good sir? Um, loitering. Oh well played Tommy! That sure put them in their place. *Rolls eyes* Irisa and Deputy Tommy drag the unconscious Brave Sir Robin to jail where Tommy obviously hopes this will win if not her affection then at least her panties.

Wandering the mines, Nolan and Rafe have a heart to heart about life which ends with Rafe pretty much telling Nolan to mind his own damn business. The dangerous part of the mine? Atlantis! No, it's actually old St. Louis and as they clamber over scaffolding being the loudest tracking bounty hunters in the history of ever, Ben shoots one of the posse and they quickly corner him as being a political stooge in no way prepared him for this. Nolan tries to get answers and Rafe is all, 'Imma let you finish but first Imma pop a cap in his ass.' Nolan reasons with Rafe telling him that he can either do right by his dead kid or his two living ones ever the one who was banished but whatevs, details are of no use to him her proselytizing, but not both. When Nolan is the sane one in the group you know you have issues is all I'm saying. It's the hardest thing that Rafe has ever had to do but he lowers his weapon. Ben, who is clearly not as stupid as he looks, notices that Rafe did not re-engage the safety, jams his chest into the gun and grabbing Rafe's hand, pulls the trigger shooting himself. Well that was certainly unexpected but instead of giving up who is calling the shots, he asks them to tell Amanda that he is sorry. I'm sure that will comfort her greatly. Thanks Ben!

Tommy and Irisa are guarding Brave Sir Robin from the inevitable lynch mob who show up pretty much right on schedule. They are prepared to fight off Datak and his Bio-Man when the cavalry arrives in the form of Amanda, Nolan, Rafe, and Chewbacca's illegitimate lovechild by way of orangutan. A stand-off which Amanda bravely, or dumbly depending on your point of view, faces down Datak saying that she pardoned Brave Sir Robin and that they all need to be subject to the same laws. Datak smarms her saying of course Madam Mayor and slinks out with his entourage in tow. Nolan looks very much like he would like nothing better than to turn Irisa over his knee and spank the bejesus out of her but he won't as he knows full well that doing so will result in his arm being returned to him.

The atmosphere is somber as they head out to the burial of the 41 casualties of the battle with the Volge. Tensions are heightened as Chrissy stands with the Tarrs, clearly having made her choice. Later in the evening, Brave Sir Robin is enjoying a meal with his family when a knock on the door requests his presence outside. Oh look, it's his new best friend Datak and when Brave Sir Robin thanks his for allowing him to see his family once more, and that he will see justice served, you know. Datak's truncated lightsaber flashes once  and thy will was done.

Nolan and Deputy Tommy are hanging out in the jail with Irisa when there's a knock on the door. Going out, they find someone has left them a welcome gift: Brave Sir Robin. Rafe continues to ransack his late son's room doing a far better job at playing detective then Nolan every will. He finds a hidden compartment with money and what appears to be a gold brooch. What was Luke doing with this? What is it? And is this the artifact that Nicky and HG are willing to sacrifice the entire town to retrieve?

This is where the series will either take off or die: there is internal fighting for power in Defiance, there is the ever present threat of the Volge and there are the machinations of the former Mayor to reclaim an artifact. Here's hoping that the next episode will be a little less talk and a lot more action*.

*My abject apologies to Toby Keith.

Being Human Recap: Eh, what?

So! It's been a while since we've last been together. I can give you all the usual excuses/reasons: was sick, did a lot of catching up with work in the evenings, too tired to watch TV (this one is completely true BTW) but  really, it doesn't matter and you don't care so on with it!

Full disclosure: I was only kind of watching last night's episode because I was also re-reading 'Divergent' for the fifth or sixth time so if this goes off the rails, you know why. Also: multitasking.

Zoe de-animated Nick for getting much too literal with the whole, 'I love you so much, Im'ma gonna eat you up!' thing. Ain't nobody got time for that. So who you gonna call? Sally of course. Nick reappears as a ghost and Zoe tearfully apologizes for rekilling him and Nick's like, no worries dawg, I was gonna eat yo ass. Oh, and Be Tee Dubs, so will Sally over here so you may want to just end this BFF right here, right now. His door appears and just before he enters the white light he turns and offers one last bon mot to Zoe. His undying (snert) love? His wish for her happiness? His thanks for her cat? No, not our Nick. A warning that Sally with hurt/kill her and to be done with it. He leaves, door disappears and Zoe cries tears of relief only for Sally to ask, well, what are you going to do with Nick?

The better question is, what is Sally going to do about it? And what does she do? Calls in reinforcements of everyone's famously conflicted re-werewolfed mensch, Josh, for grave digging duty. Really, if this whole medical thing doesn't work out, Josh has quite the career in front of him digging graves. Or ditches. In the middle of a heart-warming conversation during weird physical labor in which Sally confesses her growing passion for living things, she up and remembers oh right! The other guy I brought back! Who knows nothing about this and what is happening to him! We must find Stevie! To the Zombie-mobile! And off they zoom on a zany, madcap adventure because who the hell knows where he is by now.

Josh in conflicted (drink) because he made a date with zen master Pete to get to know his wolf that evening and all it will cost him is a six-pack of beer. If I had a nickle for every time that happened to me.... But they take off and start at the only logical place, Stevie's parents' house. Sally begins freaking out over what to say, starts rambling then crying at which point Josh, the only sane one left, says, you know what? Lemme take this one. Stevie opens the door and Sally is overjoyed that he isn't decomposing while Josh, again sane AND smart (don't let the grave digging fool you) realizes that Stevie must have also discovered the secret to eternal youth. They come in and Josh ostensibly looks for the bathroom while really trying to discover evidence of a cannibalistic orgy. The house is clear until he gets to the kitchen and begins to smell something but whether in a wolfy way or a hey, you got a sewer drain back up kind of way, I'm not quite certain. (See: multitasking) He traces the odor to the breadbox and finds and arm. Guess Stevie was in the mood for a humerus sandwich. Anyway, he calls our two zombies in for a come to Jesus meeting where Stevie confesses the evolution of his hunger and how he killed his parents to eat them but because didn't want to get sick off of spoiled food, put them in the garage freezer. Smart boy. Stevie is conflicted (drink) because his parents were so happy to have him back and changed nothing about the house/their lives and he repaid their joy by eating them out of skin and bone. Josh points to the arm and calmly asks if that was his dad. No, Stevie finished them a while ago. That was the mailman. 'You killed and ate a United State postal worker?!' might have been the funniest thing that I heard yesterday. The postman will never ring twice again, that's for sure.

Stevie knows he's been a bad boy and will be sent to bed without supper so he leads them to the garage where he has set up another noose and asks them to help him kill himself. Again. Because he doesn't have the courage to do it having been there before. Sally wants to help him but you see the resolve harden in Josh's eyes and know that he knows that this is the only way. Stevie of course then tries to eat Josh who is having none of that and tells Sally to leave the garage while he helps Stevie with his problem. Josh returns to the kitchen where Stevie appears for final goodbyes and thank yous when his door appears. Josh interestingly enough can't see Stevie or the door as he hasn't re-wolfed yet then yay! gets his second sight back. Stevie starts moving through the door when Sally shakes off the cobwebs in her brain, realizing that it's the same door that Nick went through. She tries to call him back but the white light takes him and poof! Gone. Josh is confused but Sally explains that each door is personal and that was the same one Nick had. Something sinister? Or just reserved for zombies? Probably something sinister. What did they do with Stevie's body? It appears nothing as really, who is going to notice at this point. Good thing to because I'm sure that Josh is developing some splendid calluses. They are about to head back home when Sally decrees that they are going to have to do something about her soon as she really wants to take the arm for a doggy bag.

Aidan really hasn't been that interesting. A lot of flashbacks in which people speak in soft Irish accents and there's a church with the pastor and now he's berating Aidan for not coming to services and look! Now there's a baby and it's Aidan's and it's all rather dull as I can't understand a single word being said. He's back home? As a vampire? How did his wife giving birth not drive him round the bend with blood lust because let me tell you, it ain't a pretty thing, amirite Dyl? We rejoin Aidan in the present where I assume he's been broody and conflicted (drink) and is wanting sexytimez with Kat but won't because he dangerous right now. He leaves her house with blue balls and out of sight tears into a fresh bag of O+ which one must always have on hand to attend to sexy emergencies. Sated, he goes back and gets laid because will power is not one of his strongest suits.

Josh is late for his date with Pete but brings the beer. As he ambles through the yard, he hears a ruckus in the  trailer and sees Pete being attacked by an infected vampire as Blake has shared the cure with the other vamps and trussed Pete up to be used as an antibiotic. Josh tries to help Pete but Desperate Vamp tries to take him out next. Blake intervenes, reminding out poxy friend that Josh is off limits and if he doesn't want to leave the trailer in a vacuum cleaner, he best be getting back to business. They push Josh out of the trailer where he naturally hits his head and goes unconscious as being hard-headed is clearly not a literal thing for him as Pete is slowly tortured and drained of his blood.

Next morning Aidan he wakes up outside of a house apparently sleeping off a bender and stumbles out of the yard and back home. However, he was not alone....Kat's ex-boyfriend lies dead in the alley and really Aidan, the past is the past and you just need to let it go. She was with him, it was over. Accept it, move on.

All in all a pretty creep episode and with only 2 episodes left, building up to something big involving witches, zombies and Josh making peace with White Fang.

Being Human Recap: Get out of my dreams and into my mouth

When we last left our intrepid Bostonians, Teen Wolf had run away, Papa Wolf was sniffing after Nora and the Mensch regarding the disappearance of Thing 1 (Connor) and Thing 2 (Brynn), Sally scored herself a date and a job with Max the Undersexed and Terribly Awkward Funeral Home Director and Aiden was having very inappropriate fantasies about Bubble Boy.  Let's do this.

Sally is learning how to massage corpses' faces to make them look more 'relaxed' and 'natural' when up pops Dead Dude #1 because the afterlife still has her on speed dial so she does the only logical thing. She disperses him with a tire iron because she's not going to be Touched By An Angel for no-one, no-how. Mama Max then shows up as she's surprise! dead and pleads with Sally to be gentle with her boy. Aside: Max is a very weird mash-up of a Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick and Notting Hill Hugh Grant and yet, it doesn't work since I kinda want to punch him in the face. Anyway, they double-date with Zoe the Baby Whisperer and Nick the Waterboy which involves a lot of wine, most of which is consumed by Sally. Making up for lost time perhaps? And as ghostly mamas are wont to do, Mama Max crashes the party where three of the four can see her where she oh so subtly threatens Sally to leave her boy alone by sharing details of Max's social habit. Guess nekkid baby pictures and seventh grade yearbook candids are a thing of the past now.

Aiden is increasingly tantalized by the pure spring that is Bubble Boy and has come up with a plan to get some of that sweet sweet nectar: he's a nurse, he'll just draw some blood for 'lab work' which is what we're calling aperitifs now. The only trouble is, Bubble Boy is, well, in a bubble with nothing but bad SyFy horror shows and himself for company. Come to think of it, sounds an awful lot like our Saturday nights. Get this boy some Twitter, STAT! Ahem. And so becomes suspicious of extra blood draws immediately jumping to the (correct but batshit insane) conclusion that Aiden is a vampire and he is nothing but an all-you-can-eat buffet. Aiden's pretty pleased he's found away around the Bloody Flu Death Sentence For The Undead until he realizes that he's being visited by the ghosts of two girls he lured to help heal Henry after Suren exacts her revenge on his dalliance with a human some 100 or so years ago by having him flayed. Yay for being immortal! Also: gross. And ouch. Now they are his ever present 'conscience' if the role of the conscience is to encourage selfish and hedonistic behaviors but whatever. So between his intense hunger and nattering ghostly 20-somethings, Aiden's slowly losing his grip on reality.

Josh the Mensch and Nora engage in cute, couple-ly things like playing, 'Guess What's In This Sandwich'. The less said about this the better as it reminds me too much of the torture we used to inflict on my youngest sister known as, 'Here, Drink Whatever Is In This Cup'. (Sorry Cath.) They don't seem overly concerned about Teen Wolf's absence as the much more looming threat is Papa Wolf Liam and his Vampire Vengeance Vision. Clan Wolf is hunting down the vamps and it's pretty much a field day for them as the vamps are weak from lack of clean blood and Aiden is next on the list. The trouble was, he'd just had a hit of Bubble Blood and was feeling pretty good thank-you-very-much and administered the beat down to Clan Wolf. Papa was watching from afar and made the connection to Nora and Mensch where he basically says Im'ma telling you to kill Aiden, Mensch retorts with, 'You're not the boss of me!' and Nora's all, 'hmmm'. The Mensch finally finds his balls and tells Nora that there is no way he's going to let anyone kill Aiden as Aiden was the one who helped him and protected him after he was turned. Nora's trying to be practical about how it's dangerous for them all to be together and Liam is really scary like WHOA and Josh pretty much lays it on the line: bros before hos. He then goes and does the only sensible thing: threatens Liam to leave them all alone armed with naught but a handgun and puppy dog eyes. Liam strongly suggests he leave and Josh removes his balls once again.

Back at the funeral home, Max and Sally awkwardly discuss the awkward date which then ends with sexy timez as tends to happen in funeral homes. Sally is feeling pretty damn great, Max is conflicted and Mama is peeping then helpfully steps in to inform Sally that she just stole her son's FLOWER, you HARLOT. Cut to Sally marching up to Max in the garage where he is vigorously waxing his car (sadly, not a euphemism) and basically says, yeah, I'm quitting and that wasn't good enough to hit again so peace out. Turns out that Mama  just performed a hostile takeover of Sally (karma's a bitch, isn't it) so in retaliation, Sally gets some mystical help from Zoe in the form of a Thai butterfly soul lock and is about to exorcise Mama when the ladies have some non-Maury lady talk and hug it out. Figuratively. Sally and Max meet up at a bar (could be the biker bar, everyone was wearing black but no Hubcap Margaritas so guess not) where THEY hug it out and MAYBE can have a non-dysfunctional relationship now that Mama isn't acting as a Virgin Alarm anymore.

Bubble Boy goes through every trick in the book to prove Aiden is a vampire but the old stories are just that, stories so they watch bad old movies together as you do. Aiden is so engrossed in the movie that he falls asleep and dreams of being caught drawing extra blood by the day nurse so has to kill her. Of course. The Slut Sisters are there egging him on and he comes to sporting the black black eyes and big sharp nasty teeth of a vamp in the throes of bloodlust right in front of Bubble Boy. So what does he do? He stumble-runs out of the ward because that's not suspicious at all.

Josh is telling Nora how he went and threatened Papa Wolf that afternoon and aren't I incredibly manly now when she tells him he was an idiot (how new) because dude has ISSUES and Josh howls back I HAVE TO PROTECT THE ONES I LOVE!!! when the doorbell rings and it's Papa Wolf bringing a gift: Teen Wolf. How thoughtful. I usually just bring wine. Papa Wolf threatens the Mensch for threatening him and it's all very  homoerotic. And here we were thinking that Josh and Aiden would be the big couple story this year. Oh well shippers, better luck next time.

Next week! The return of Mother Gothel! Sally's Brother! Wolfy Things!

Being Human Recap - The Family That Stays Together

Previously on Being Human: Henry fell off the wagon and is sporting the leprosy spots of shame, Josh and Nora ended up adopting a turned teen girl, Aiden remains conflicted and Sally tried to help Trent find closure so his door would take him to his final reward. We see Henry stagger off into the Boston night led to believe that he dies. OR DOES HE?!?! Trent ended up cheating on his fiancee with Sally but finds out at his funeral NBD, she was cheating on him too so now he's all Whaa? How could someone walk away from 'this' (waves hands at self in disbelief). She's at peace, he isn't so back to the drawing board. Sally in the meantime  is catching the notice of the funeral director and NOT just because she's a crasher, youknowwhatI'msaying? Nora ends up playing Mama Wolf to Teen Wolf Erin which wigs Josh the fuck out. Aiden continues to brood and bemoan his immortal life. Trent finally tells Sally to take a hike, he'll do it himself and voila! His door appears. He goes through the door into the hereafter...or Witch Donna's soup Kitchen which I admit, is a bit of a downer. Girlfriend's looking rough so and zaps him with some witchy mojo turning him to dust. Which she then snorts. As one does. But wait! She's becoming younger, more beautiful, right before our eyes and I dub her Crack Mother Gothel.

Fast forward a week - Beep Boop.

Aiden is still in his woe is me phase and how does one attempt to claw one's way out of the abyss but by throwing a raging kegger featuring Natty Ice in his living room while dancing most unfortunately to 'Thriller'. It was very reminiscent of watching Angel and Wesley dance and I kind of wanted to stake him then the save him from the embarrassment of showing up on You Tube. Aiden has also been playing Russian Roulette with the humans, snacking on anyone with a pulse. Sally is also feeling down seeing as going out pretty much guarantees her seeing someone she knew and killing them to become Regeneriste for Mother Gothel. Playing cards with Teen Wolf, she laments her fate and Teen Wold wisely (I KNOW!) basically tells her to suck it up buttercup, you're an immortal hottie so why don't you move?

Josh the Mensch is really jonesing for some 1:1 time with Mama Wolf but she stiffs him for Grandma Wolf's birthday. Mensch has not given up on the dream of marrying Mama Wolf so sees this as the perfect set up to Meet the Parents. So of course Teen Wold comes along because really, would you leave her at home by herself? I think not.

Aiden shakes himself out of his funk long enough to take Sally to a place where he assures her that she has no chance of meeting anyone from her past. Sally is all about the clothes because let's face it, while yoga pants MAY make your ass look amazing, they really aren't meant for all day, every day wear. It's...a biker bar. That serves margaritas in glasses bigger than your head (though not, for the record, larger than the hubcap margaritas served by Nacho Mama's in Canton. Baltimore, represent!) and while she has some personal time with tequila, Aiden makes eyes at a bald, bearded and completely hammered biker. (Well! Now we know why he and the Mensch haven't sealed the deal; Josh lacks the requisite body art.) Then Aiden and Sally dance and by dance I mean she drapes herself over him because as we've noted before; tequila makes your clothes fall off.) Aiden distracts the clientele with shots (where exactly is he getting the funds for this generosity? A mystery wrapped in an enigma) and sneaks out after Biker Boy for a little lovin'. Or bloodin'. To-May-to, To-Mah-to. Sally finds Biker Boy drowning in his own blood and proceeds to freak. the fuck out.

Meanwhile back in suburbia, the party is rolling at Mama Wolf's house. Grandma Wolf wasn't expecting as many people as showed for birthday dinner so now she has to make more. Way to ingratiate yourself with the fam there Mensch. Teen Wolf's awkward presence is explained that she's the Mensch's cousin. Mama Wolf's brother takes a liking to Teen Wolf who does precisely DICK to discourage this. Grandpa Wolf seems to hate everyone and everything and of course mocks the Mensch who goes to assist in the kitchen where the conversation naturally turns to the dearly departed psycho ex of Mama Wolf. Mama Nora takes off for the sanctity of her childhood bedroom while the Mensch stops licking his wounds long enough to realize OH YEAH, this isn't about me and proceeds to make every man everywhere look like a complete chump with his declaration of love forever and ever amen. Even after Mama Nora says, yeah, I killed him. And Brynn. And...a bunch of other people but you still love me, pinky swear? But of course, my delicate flower, the Mensch loves everything about you!  They hug it out and it's very sweet.

Back at the house, Sally is feeling quite peeved that Aiden ditched her for Biker Boy and goes to visit him in his new abode: the laundry room what with Sally and Teen Wolf needing actual space. She straddles him and places a stake against his chest telling him that if he has a (second) death wish, she'll oblige. There's some nattering about regrets and loneliness and how Josh broke the bros before hos code before he agrees to shake his funk and he tells her where she actually needs to stake him. (No no stupid, you've got it all wrong. It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck.) This is either the best or the worst foreshadowing in the history of forever.

Back at Fun City, Josh works up the nerve to ask Gramps for Nora's hand in marriage to which he's like, eh, do what you want but did you get a load of the mother? You have been warned. He is going to be SO GOOD with Teen Wolf I tell you.

Aiden and Sally go to get jobs; for Aiden it's a bit easier - just fill out an application at the hospital from where he disappeared for a year and bam! Rehired. (Oh, TV, I call shenanigans on that one.) On the graveyard shift but still. Sally has a tougher road seeing as she doesn't actually exist so what does one do in this situation? Visit the funeral home to root around for death certificates for children to use their identity, get caught by the cute funeral direction and walk out with a job. Dressing corpses but still! A job. And possibly a booty call. That won't leave her at a biker bar, giant margaritas be damned. Brother Wolf comes to visit bringing Natty Ice for an engagement celebration which Nora knows nothing about because Gramps can't keep a secret for shit. She leaves him in the house for some reason, Teen Wolf comes downstairs and charmed by his beer hair, invites him upstairs to talk. Josh comes home, hears suspicious sounds from upstairs, goes up to congratulate Aiden for finally getting some again, finds In-Bred Wolf with Teen Wolf in bed and proceeds to unload on him forgetting for a  moment that he is, in fact, No-Wolf and is bailed out by Mama Wolf. Again. Teen Wolf runs off because TWU WUV and Nora shoots Josh down again.

Aiden is getting reacclimated to the hospital when he spies a kid with a sweet set up. Introducing: Bubble Boy. But what is Aiden really without an existential crisis? Just another pretty pretty face.

Next week! Teen Wolf! Romance! Office Shenanigans! Or not. I wasn't really paying attention.

Being Human Recap: Dafuq?

Previously on the SyFy drama 'Being Human', Aidan was rescued from being buried alive and left for over a year (he's a vampire, it's cool), Josh killed his maker in an effort to free himself and his girlfriend Nora from the werewolf curse and was partially successful and Sally the ghost was brought back from limbo, not to her previously ghostly form but all the way back using the heart of the dead werewolf, her buried body and a lot of brown paper macheie.  It's all very complicated and kind of gross. Moving on.

Aidan is feeling a bit on the peckish side seeing as he was literally six feet under for over a year but managed to grow an impressive Ted Bundy beard while locked away nonetheless. Vampires can grow facial hair now so it's best to throw all that you thought you knew about vamps out the window. While he was taking a timeout, the vampire population of Boston was pretty much decimated by a particular virulent strain of the flu, leaving the vast majority with lovely oozing sores which meant scoring a blood whore fell somewhere between slim and none. They don't know who has had/been exposed to the flu so can't risk feeding as there is no cure wonderfully demonstrated by Amish Mafia Vampire number one who turned to dust while driving. Don't dust and drive folks; it never ends well. Disoriented, weak, and starving, Aidan desperately tries to make contact with his erstwhile roommate Josh....

Josh our neurotic hero is torn between reveling in his new found freedom from the curse and guilt over that the killing of his maker didn't also cure Nora. For Nora to be cured, she has to kill Josh which will really put a damper on their relationship. Luckily, Nora has embraced her inner wolf so her time of the month is no real big deal. She tosses back a couple of raw sirloins and holes up in her storage unit. (Why does no one else rent a storage unit in this place? How is this not suspicious to management?). Josh usually will spend the night in his old hidey hole next to her (see: neurotic, guilt) but Nora forces him to actually go and LIVE as this is what he wanted so badly. Josh reluctantly sees her point and takes Sally, who has a raging case of cabin fever, out drinking. What could possibly go wrong here?

When Sally was brought back from limbo, she didn't come back alone. She located a couple of her old ghost posse whom she was responsible for sending to limbo in the first place and cajoled, coaxed and bullied them into trying to find a way out so they were with her when the witch opened her door to bring her back. I actually thought that all three of them would be fighting for space in Sally's body which had the makings of a really macabre version of Three's Company but alas, Stevie and Emo Boy were returned to their own bodies, presumably without being dug up and lacking a werewolf heart but whatevs. The big warning was that Sally COULD NOT SEE anyone from her past. Not sure why that warning was given repeatedly so going to the local bar in the neighborhood in which she was alive seems a perfectly logical thing to do. Clearly the afterlife has not made her any smarter though she could be thinking with Ms. Vagine de Cobweb so we'll give her a partial pass on it. She of course sees Trent who OMG was AT HER FUNERAL. Poor girl didn't even have a chance to finish her martini but she covers with a faking her own death story and further distracts him by sticking her tongue down his throat. Josh is neurotic AND clucking so he makes sweet sweet love to his bourbon and imagines turning into a wolf again. Perhaps to be drinking something else? I have an excellent recipe for a kamikaze....

Sally is ready for a little sumthin sumthin so like any good roommate recently returned from the dead, she asks Josh for his condoms and takes Trent back to the house like a goody bag (her actual words. Geez, no wonder Danny killed her). He gets cold feet at the last minute saying he doesn't feel so hot and Sally takes her first zombie rejection pretty well. Josh wanders the streets of Boston and waxes poetic about the moon because he can be a giant noob.

Aidan is confuzzled as all get out, almost gets his ass kicked by some wolves and is rescued AGAIN by his protege/nemesis Henry who's all, hey man, let's go back to my place for a drink. And by a drink I mean from my girl who I put my vampy whammy on and lock her up like a veal because FLUUUUUUU! Aidan remarkably resists as his somewhat latent conscience wakes up and kicks him in the nuts because DUDE.

Meanwhile, a forbidding grizzly dude breaks into an Amish house asking about his son. His gaze is continually drawn to the black wolf skin hanging on the wall and figures out it was his pure blood werewolf son. The Amish are of course vampires so they get their vamp on and he goes to town with a stake and not nearly as well as Buffy I must say. (Why do the bad guys wait to attack one at a time? Typically strength in numbers works to one's advantage but they're supes so: super.) He takes them out and mourns beneath his son's fluffy skin. Of course Josh and Nora had run with Black Wolf and his sister Batshit Insane so Buff Daddy goes in search of them and finds Nora in her storage unit of sad. They have Big Talks and turn together....

Next morning, Sally is craving fatty pork (perhaps she should start off slow, maybe with a nice vibrator or something) and tries to talk Josh out of proposing to Nora right after changing back to human when they hear sirens and upon investigating, discover that Trent has died mysteriously in the street and Sally was responsible because she had contact with someone from her past! Josh goes in search of Nora because he is neurotic and dumb and Aidan stumbles back home still starving. Sally offers her blood because she can and Aidan is all, um, yeah, 24 hours ago you were dead so I don't think so. They share a LOOK and finger play and it's all very awkward. Josh arrives at the storage unit to find a huge hold punched in the door and an ominous blood trail like something was dragged away. (They are so gonna keep his security deposit now).

So: Life! Death! More life and afterdeath.  Stay tuned for next week where Aidan is noble, Sally is horny and Josh is neurotic and conflicted. Otherwise known as business as usual.