Thursday, May 16, 2013

Defiance: The Serpent's Egg

Previously on Defiance: Mommy issues! Soothed Albino Butthurt! 20th century St. Louis cave paintings! Let's do this.

When the only reminder around that St. Louis was once the Gateway to the West is the structurally questionable Arch, it makes perfect sense to set up your radio station from there as everyone knows that radio waves  travel straight down (Science!) and thank goodness that Alak Tarr had the foresight to do just that. And it is from this vantage point he spots the supply truck entering the town and spreads the happy news. In a scene right out of and Black Friday ever, the townsfolk surround the truck and I can't believe how relieved I am that some of our ancient customer survived the alien apocalypse.

Mayor Amanda is heading out of town with a case full of money with Marshal Lawkeeper Nolan riding alongside for security/prisoner transport of Rynn (Spirit 2) leaving Defiance in the hands of Deputy Tommy and Irisa who I'm sure is just itching to continue the path of personal growth she demonstrated in The Devil In The Dark. I'm sure that Kenya is thrilled about this. Amanda spots a vacuum cleaner salesman ambassador and does her best to not make eye contact but alas, must converse. Refreshingly Amanda tells the ambassador that she really doesn't want to talk to her but oh look! They'll be sharing the same transport. How cozy. Nolan gets Rynn secured on board and she promptly relieves the pig-dwarf of his pen. Sigh. Hubris will the downfall of them all.

The transport is barely out of town when Irisa spots a well groomed Castithan gentlemen enter Kenya's establishment and like any good Lawkeeper in Training, immediately tails him. Those contacts have got to be hella-uncomfortable as her eyes does not blink. Most likely to keep the lenses in but still. She confronts the visitor - Dago - outside and when he doesn't confess to...something, she kicks the crap out of him and drags him into a basement. As one does.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: A priest, a bigamous ambassador and a Lawkeeper are traveling together.... Barbs are exchanged, souls are attempted to be saved, jailbreaks are underway and awkward banter with your paramour's older sister are had. Finally, naps are taken and pens are disassembled. Manacles are released and oops! guns are drawn against heads. Manacles are reapplied, contraband is secured by getting to second base and life goes on. Until it doesn't. For the driver. He must have been wearing a red shirt.

Back in the basement of despair, Irisa is going through the visitors case - which appears to be trinkets and odds and ends for sale - all the while haranguing Dago that it! is! him! He of course is all no! I'm! not! He is not the Castithan you are looking for. Irisa is having none of it and holds up a very incriminating pendant. Well, it certainly is incriminating in the 'dear god, would anyone really wear that?!' way. Dago is clearly thinking 'bitch be crazy' and we are maybe kinda inclined to agree with him. She finally loses patience and stomps out leaving him there.

On the bus, Red Shirt has been relieved of his blood courtesy of a gun and the announcement of This Is A Stick Up. How did they know? Aha! An accomplice on the inside! Was it Rynn with the Boob Bic? The Ambassador with husbands Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? The priest with the Gideons bible? The priest, of course. It is known that holy men are up to no good. It is known. Marauder One grabs Tweedle Dum's family jewels and finding them...lacking, shoots him. Guess not all stereotypes are grounded in truth. Well that solved the bigamy issue. Marauder Two and Fr. McBackstabber look to escape with the money. Things happen, a safety pin is dropped and Rynn has yet another lock pick in her possession while the ambassador is kidnapped by the horde. Seriously people, keep track of your stuff or you could be the one setting criminals free.

Wherever Irisa is, you know Tommy can't be far behind and he's not as he spots her disappearing down an alleyway with a bag she is careful to keep far away from her body. He follows her because he is no fool and forces his way into the secret basement of torture. Where he's promptly handcuffed to a radiator. Jeez Tommy, I thought you knew her. Let this be a lesson to you kids; think with the upstairs brain, not the downstairs one. Dago is begging to be released, Irisa is screaming that he's the one who tortured her long ago and Tommy looks like he'd rather be anywhere than where he is. He attempts to inject some rationality into the proceedings and oh hon, too little too late. She pulls a snake out of the bag and lets it have at Dago. Tommy is clearly thinking that there is NO WAY this is going in the report when Dago begins laughing like a crazy man and...confessing! The venom cleared his mind, tore away the facade he had constructed and it was all true! Her parents gave her to his secret circle and while her parents watched, they tortured her to unleash her power. All that remained was to sacrifice a supplicant. As someone's hand closed over Irisa's to guide the knife, Nolan's commando team bursts in to take out the circle and save her. Nolan releases her and holds out his arms so she can run to him for safety. All snark aside, this was a terrific portrayal of a very young, scared and confused Irisa. So that's how she ended up with Nolan. Dago still wants to be a kingmaker and Tommy is very willing to allow him to be the sacrifice but Irisa shows more personal growth and stops him, leaving Dago with his failure, limping out of town to the unmarked van of shame.

There's a standoff in the old west with the bandits holding the open ground and the law with the truck. They finally decide that they are sitting ducks in the truck (ORLY?) But no worries, they have a plan! One that includes Nolan doing the hostage negotiations (dafuq?) and Amanda doing the recon/sniper act. Even in fashionable footwear she gets the drop on the Marauders sniper, allowing Nolan the upper hand. They've rescued the ambassador and her remaining husband! Except she's in with the Marauders and is about to leave Nolan, Amanda and Tweedle Dee in the wilderness when Houdini Rynn shows up and gets the drop on HER because there is honor among thieves. Wisely, Nolan and Amanda decide yanno, let's just leave it at time served. Tweedle Dee shows balls and asks very very meekly for Rynn to take him the hell away from there. Nolan and Amanda drag the ambassador's ass back to Defiance to put her on another transport...anywhere. Because they are decent people and whatnot. This kindness is repaid by Ambassabitch requesting any and all information about Amanda on her desk by COB or there'll be hell to pay.

Irisa and Tommy are decompressing in the Lawkeeper's office when Tommy awkwardly tries to tell Irisa how much he likes her, that he has hidden pain too. Shockingly enough, Irisa picks up what he's laying down and does the only sensible thing: jumps his bones. All well and good but really kids, couldn't you have moved into a cell? I shudder to think what is on those floors... This will certainly make the next work day super comfortable for everyone as Nolan and Amanda are relaxing at Kenya's who I'm sure is delighted to see her big sister being flirty with her...semi-john? Man, the holidays are sure gonna be awkward this year.

Next week: What will happen to Tommy and Irisa's relationship? Is Irisa's latent power tied to her visions? How can Christie see Alak at the top of the Arch? See you next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel.


  1. With respect to choosing which husband to thinks you either misunderstood the scene or have been misunderstanding this particular stereotype about black guys.

    Robber with gun asks his minion (Maurader One) which husband does he think the ambassador will miss more (or maybe he said which do you think she fancies more). Mauraduer One walks up to the black husband (Tweedle-dum) and palms his crotch to check out the package. Apparently it's impressive enough that he doesn't even need to check Tweedle-Dee, he knows says Oh this one, definitiely this one. Then the robber shoots the black husband dead.

    1. Ah, thank you for the clarification! Lacking a DVR and possessing incredibly poor hearing sometimes makes it a challenge to figure out what exactly everybody said. At some point in the near future I will undoubtedly be dubbing in my kids' discussions of Star Wars in place of actual dialogue.


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