Being Human Recap: Always a Bridesmaid Never Alive

In this, the penultimate episode of the season, we get some closure but more questions. Plus! A wedding! I love weddings. Free booze and all that....

Josh and Nora wake up lovey-dovey and very much nakey because Happy Wedding Day! They are very schmoopy with lots of kissing and it's all very beautiful and vomit-inducing. Meanwhile, Sally also awakes which, good. She made it to wedding day AND she's no longer hungry which means that the guests are not in mortal danger of being eaten. The bad news is that this means she is near the end and is so weak she can barely get out of bed. Essentially she is rotting from the inside out and knows her time is limited. Dying (again) doesn't scare her; it's the knowing that Mother Gothel Donna the Wicked Witch of Boston is waiting for her to shuffle off this mortal coil to claim her pay-off: Sally's soul. Because Sally has the best! friends! ever!, they won't allow that to happen but she has her doubts. How can they fight the witch? This is a lot to take in before breakfast...

Speaking of breakfast, Aidan is cooking something when Josh and Nora come downstairs to find the living room transformed into a gorgeous wedding chapel and their love and glee is palpable. Enjoy it while it lasts kids; soon enough you're reduced to sitting on the couch tweeting to the same people about some crazy show, hoping the other one will take care of the dinner dishes. Not that I would know anything about that. Ahem. Suddenly, a knock at the door! A nefarious enemy, come to wrench away their one chance at happiness? No, it's just Kat, Nora's maid of honor who's a bit early and just a little bit peeved after Aidan bolted following their one night in Bangkok. Actually, an enemy might be easier to face. Take it away Aidan!

While Aidan and Kat have the most awkward post one-night stand discussion ever, Nora heads upstairs to get Sally moving and sees her practically wasting away before her eyes. In a panic, she rushes back downstairs to rally the boys. Aidan refers to Kat as his girlfriend and the sound you just heard was a million hearts breaking at the same time. Nora gets rid of Kat so she, Josh, and Aidan can be with Sally as she passes. Again. They make Sally comfortable as she tries to hold it together for the wedding when Nora comes up with a simply brilliant idea: it's time for the Zombie High Fashion show! She had gone out shopping and bought Sally a number of dresses/outfits to try on so she wouldn't be forced to spend eternity in yoga pants and an unfortunate cardigan. While Sally serves as Nora's personal Zombie Doll, Josh is worrying about having a minister there, what with the decomposing bridesmaid and all. Aidan's all, no worries man, I got this. Turns out he's an ordained Unitarian minister who is authorized to perform weddings. Well isn't that just so damned convenient. I'm so glad that that Aidan is spending his immortality so wisely.

Nora and Sally settle on a short purple number and it does go very well with the ever-expanding sores and skin necrosis. She tucks Sally in again who assures her that this is not in fact IT. Yet. The rest of the gang head outside for a breather/strategy session when who should walk up but Sister Em who has been doing a lot of thinking (which looked way painful) and came to the conclusion that hey, I'm a lesbian, you're a werewolf, NBD. Josh is glad to see her and they hug it out at which point Josh lets her know that there might not be a wedding due to a re-death in the family and Emily is basically like, I am wearing a DRESS brainiac so you sure as shit are getting married today. It was very touching.

Yet turns out to be very very soon and Sally is ready but scared. She's loved having the time being real. She could hold someones hand and eat black and white cookies. She's trying to get the Latin pronunciation of the spell correct when Aidan jumps in (again) and coaches her. As she moves ever closer to the edge, he gently talks her through dying, calming her and comforting her and if anyone says that they did not tear up let alone cry outright they are a big fat lying liar who lies. Just before she goes Aidan gives her the gentlest smile and says, 'See you in a few minute.' No, I was not crying, it was allergies.

She comes back as a ghost, whole and perfect and wearing the bitchin' purple dress. Nora and Aidan smile while Josh looks around because he still can't see dead people. Sally asks about her body and that her boyfriend is an undertaker when Aidan smashes her rib cage and pulls out the heart which once belong to Ray. His reason? Spells take power from important things that contain your essence like hair and skin and apparently hearts. In no time at all, the door to Mother Gothel's Shifting Ghoulish Emporium appears and Aidan has to physically rip Josh from Nora to accompany Sally. Well, this isn't shaping up to be the wedding day she's dreamed of all her life.

Somewhere along the metaphysical highway, Josh and Aidan get separated from Sally. Aidan finds himself back in Ireland (?) and comes across his son Isaac who is the cutest little vampire ever seen. Josh ends up in the woods face to face with his inner wolf who rather than running away goes alpha on Josh. Then they both slam into the floor on the world's only disappearing soup kitchen behind Sally. A menacing figure emerges fro m the shadows - it's Zombie Ray who is clearly not thrilled that Aidan is holding his heart. Josh is all, I got this you guys, go take care of the Wicked Witch. Ray threatens Josh, Josh acts tough then gets the crapped kicked out of him. On the other side of the building, Sally is facing down Donna with her incantation and Donna basically laughs in her face. Aidan gets his butt kicked by magic again and Sally summons her inner strength to hurl the spell back on Donna again and again causing her to lose her youthful visage. Donna is gleeful over Sally's fight to exist as most spirits have given up by then so she looks forward to the delicious power. Josh somehow gets the upper hand on Ray and throws him back but instead of dying (again), Ray wolfs out to Zombie Ray-wolf. At this point I expected Josh to raise his fist to the sky and cry 'I have the POWER'  to call upon the Josh-wolf but alas, he doesn't. He does...something...which ends the Ray-wolf (again) and stumbles off to find Aidan and Sally.

Aidan remembers that hey! I still have the heart I ripped out of Sally's decomposing rib-cage so Im'ma just throw it in the fire right here. That coupled with Sally's incantations drive Donna to the floor but is she done? Oh no. She's like, is that all you got and regains her feet. Aidan somehow sets her on fire but instead of immolating, she embraces it like a lover then passes it to Sally. Josh and Aidan look on in horror while Sally tells first Aidan then Josh that she loves them and...explodes into tiny dusty Sally particles. Donna inhales deeply like a human Dustbuster and snorts Sally. Her youth returns and she looks very self-satisfied. Until her middle starts glowing hotter and hotter, kind of like she swallowed a noisy cricket, only larger. Satisfaction turns to horrified realization as Mother Gothel explodes in kind and is no more. Sally for the win within; all hail the purple dress!

The three amigos return to the brownstone triumphant and the wedding with one invisible guest takes place. In the excitement of actually getting married Nora forgot to write her vows so she plays it safe with an 'I love you' followed by an enormous face-suck.Everyone is happy and smiling and laughing but did someone forget about the newborn vampire in the basement? Poor Kenny, couldn't even enjoy his first wedding as of one the undead seeing as how Aidan tied him up. You know, just in case. The gang sees Josh and Nora off to their honeymoon and go off their separate ways. Emily is playing Smokey the Bear and goes to blow out the candles around the living room; Sally reappears in the house where the candelabra flares ominously. Kenny's transformation has gone the way of Emperor Palpatine which is not a good look on anyone, let alone a teenager. Is it the wolf blood Aidan ingested, protecting him but dooming all new vamps? Is it the purity of Kenny's blood that is incompatible with turning vamps? Both? Neither? Either way, that sucks dude. Should have stuck with the bone marrow transplant route.

Josh and Nora are in a cabin/motel (klassy!) for their honeymoon when Nora gets dressed to go out. Um, Nora, UR DOIN IT RONG. Outside she hears a chilling voice offering her congratulations. Oh, HAI Liam, now it's a party with Papa Wolf.

Season finale next week and so! many! questions! Is Mother Gothel really gone? How pissed is Kenny going to be when he finds himself the villain of Star Wars? How bad is Josh going to mess Liam up for interrupting his freaking HONEYMOON?

Being Human: Everyone's a Hero

I missed the first 10 minutes of this week's episode finishing up the post that went up today so we're just gonna jump into where I picked up.....

Things are falling apart for Sally. Quite literally. The hunger for human flesh is growing stronger every hour meaning that the time is rapidly approaching where she becomes an acute danger to them all. Josh and Nora because they've become Ozzie and Harriett only...hairier...decide to move up their wedding date so Sally can attend and be reasonably assured of NOT eating the guests. They rush to Sally's room, giddy to share the news, when hey! Room's empty. Um. Shit. Looks like Sally is going out for lunch today. What'll it be: Italian? Thai? Chinese?  Nope. How about...dead.

Let's pretend that you were alive, then you were dead, then you came alive again but at the price of a terrible skin condition and managed to bed and fall in love with the virginal funeral director who gave you a job but then fired you and so in your hour of need run to him to profess your everlasting and undying love and oh, by the way, can I eat Ms. Hanover here? She's got no family and is going to be cremated so no harm no foul. Give us a kiss?

Oddly enough, Max the Former Virgin Funeral Director turns down her request even when she plays her trump card of trading away her soul so she didn't kill anyone else and she just wants to stay with him because she loves him. It was a good piece of pleading/logic and I thought that Max would cave because newly non-virgin men are slaves to the siren call of the poontang but as luck would have it, his gag reflexes kicked him in the short and curlies so Sally accepts it and they hug it out goes home to pout.

Aidan meanwhile is having a heart to heart with Kenny the Bubble Boy who is less than overjoyed to learn that a bone marrow match for him has been found and they can do a bone marrow transplant complete with chemo to kill off his white blood cells and pretty much incapacitate him until new marrow is generated so HE'S moving up the timetable deal with Aidan who clearly wants no part of turning yet another person and accepting responsibility for said person especially one who is under 18. Kenny then tells Aidan that he'll wait for Aidan's shift to be over, walk out and find Blake to turn him. FINE, Aidan huffs and just like that, the House on Boston street takes in another stray. Because they've had such a stellar track record thus far with them but whatever. First, however, Kenny wants to spend a day as a real teenager as his immunodeficiency precluded that from ever happening. He has 48 hours, max, to live without his bubble so onto his bucket list. The first item? Playing with a dog in the park. Okay, I can see how that would be a simply incredible pleasure after years of no contact with anyone/thing. The second?

Back at the house, Josh and Nora break the happy news that the wedding will be soon? ish? And what does this need? A bachelor party of course! Coordinated by none other than Josh's wedding-crashing sister of Sapphos, Emily. Yay! A Wedding! A Party! Let's go to a strip club! Cue Kenny: that's on MY bucket list! Well that certainly worked out nicely for everyone. Mostly Emily and Kenny. So off to the local strip club where absolutely NO ONE questions Kenny about being old enough to be there. Also: Bubble Boy looks a LOT like Henry as had been pointed out by Dylan. Thematic? Or coincidence? Hrmmm.  Kenny and Emily get a front row seat and Kenny is clearly jizzed jazzed to be there but gets slapped down by Emily for breaking the plane. 'You do NOT touch the strippers!'

Good sister that she is, she calls out Josh and Aidan for being weirdos for having such intense discussions in a strip club for chrissakes and buys Josh a lap dance. After all Josh is a pansy and isn't even having fun at his own bachelor party which, let's face it, was more for his sister. So Sadie is grinding on him and apparently having fun at his expense for the epic discomfort when hey! She vamps out to drain him because he's a wolf and she has needs. Aidan with his super keen spidey sense of sinister suckage, stakes here just in the nick of time. His mysterious stalker blocked his mind powers for a while. Sadie knew Josh was off limits but went after him anyway. Stay off drugs kids, drugs are bad.

Emily freaks out not that her friend just tried to kill her brother, oh no, but because Aidan killed Sadie. This forces Josh to explain the whole werewolf/vampire thing going on and OH! That's why you ran away. Instead of bonding over their outsider status (I'm a werewolf! I'm gay!) she seems kind of fixated on the dusting of her friend. Forest, trees. Guess she's going to boycott the wedding after all. Unless they serve vodka then all will be forgiven. But what about our lovely bride-to-be?

Back at the house Nora is talking to Sally through her door, trying to cheer her up by promising wine coolers. Sally is forlorn but perks up a little, 'wine coolers?' Nora unlocks a crapton of locks to be able to open Sally's door and pass her a refreshing adult beverage then locks her up tight again because Sally's hunger has grown to the point that no one is safe if she isn't contained. She's okay with this because she tells Nora that she really wants to be out there with her too but that she also really wants to eat her. Well that's...sweet. And guys' 'ears' everywhere perk up. Then in a painful effort to preserve a bit of normalcy they discuss wedding plans: hair, flowers, maid of honor. I'll be honest, this one made me feel feelings both hopeful and melancholy.

Kenny is having second-ish thoughts about being turned now and Aidan is trying to give him the pros and the cons in a very controlled, factual way. The thing is, Kenny's time is about up; the decision will be made for him. Either he is turned or he dies. So he squares his shoulders and takes the bite like a man.

Sally realizes that she really doesn't want to die and lose her soul to Donna the Wicked Witch of Boston so she gathers her peeps and off they trot to the soup kitchen. Which is no longer there. But...but...how do you move an entire building, like it never existed. Dude, she's a witch, probably an Invisibility Cloak or something. Maybe a cloaking device. Regardless, it's not there so direct confrontation won't be in play. Yet. Time to call in the psychic! Whom you almost killed trying to survive an exorcism but let's let bygones be bygones.

But before she can go to the psychic, Sally needs some help so she doesn't end up eating someone she's asking to help her. That's just bad form. Aidan is in super hero save everyone mode so he marches into Sally's room, lifts up his shirt (WHANOGGY) and clearly steeling himself, tells Sally to eat him. Sally looks just as shocked as we are as Aidan tells her that he will heal and she needs to eat so...eat him. It is hilariously uncomfortable to watch and Sally leans forward to get a big bite...
"It's like biting a tire!"
"Sorry."
"Stop flexing!"
"I can't help it; I'm nervous!"
And this right here might be my most favorite exchange between this characters ever.

Fortified, Sally goes off to find Alana who tells her that her only recourse is to become a ghost (again) and go through Donna's Door of Despair but she's strong so she might be able to beat Donna. "Strong like Harry Potter strong?" Well, no, not really, but in spirit: she's been through so much that as long as she makes peace/ties up loose ends in this life, she'll be ready to face anything. So Sally goes to see Max and confesses her love for him and that she wishes they could really be together. You know, for dating a decomposing zombie, Max is really taking this all in stride.

After becoming lunch, Aidan is wandering the streets of Boston, waiting for Kenny to wake up to his new life when Mysterious Stalker of Mystery appears. Is it Bishop? Is it Henry? Do not pass 'Go', do not collect $200. Why it is Professor Douche who rails at Aidan, 'Why did you do this to me?' Before Aidan stakes him, clearly having become The Chosen One. But he's not sexy Professor Douche; no, he's some kind of horribly disfigured monster that Aidan turned in his most recent blackout. Well that was most unfortunate. Really creeped out, Aidan rushes back home, terrified of what he has done to Kenny.

For some bizarre reason we are back in Alana's house in the middle of the night. She comes downstairs to investigate...something...when a man suddenly appears in her living room. She senses that there is a bad spirit inside of him and pleads with the guy to 'leave the poor girl alone'. No dice, the pieces are in motion and Donna will have her prize. Alana begins to exorcise the spirit from him when he snaps her neck muttering about the girl having chosen the wrong side.

Good to see you again too, Ray.

Being Human Recap: Eh, what?

So! It's been a while since we've last been together. I can give you all the usual excuses/reasons: was sick, did a lot of catching up with work in the evenings, too tired to watch TV (this one is completely true BTW) but  really, it doesn't matter and you don't care so on with it!

Full disclosure: I was only kind of watching last night's episode because I was also re-reading 'Divergent' for the fifth or sixth time so if this goes off the rails, you know why. Also: multitasking.

Zoe de-animated Nick for getting much too literal with the whole, 'I love you so much, Im'ma gonna eat you up!' thing. Ain't nobody got time for that. So who you gonna call? Sally of course. Nick reappears as a ghost and Zoe tearfully apologizes for rekilling him and Nick's like, no worries dawg, I was gonna eat yo ass. Oh, and Be Tee Dubs, so will Sally over here so you may want to just end this BFF right here, right now. His door appears and just before he enters the white light he turns and offers one last bon mot to Zoe. His undying (snert) love? His wish for her happiness? His thanks for her cat? No, not our Nick. A warning that Sally with hurt/kill her and to be done with it. He leaves, door disappears and Zoe cries tears of relief only for Sally to ask, well, what are you going to do with Nick?

The better question is, what is Sally going to do about it? And what does she do? Calls in reinforcements of everyone's famously conflicted re-werewolfed mensch, Josh, for grave digging duty. Really, if this whole medical thing doesn't work out, Josh has quite the career in front of him digging graves. Or ditches. In the middle of a heart-warming conversation during weird physical labor in which Sally confesses her growing passion for living things, she up and remembers oh right! The other guy I brought back! Who knows nothing about this and what is happening to him! We must find Stevie! To the Zombie-mobile! And off they zoom on a zany, madcap adventure because who the hell knows where he is by now.

Josh in conflicted (drink) because he made a date with zen master Pete to get to know his wolf that evening and all it will cost him is a six-pack of beer. If I had a nickle for every time that happened to me.... But they take off and start at the only logical place, Stevie's parents' house. Sally begins freaking out over what to say, starts rambling then crying at which point Josh, the only sane one left, says, you know what? Lemme take this one. Stevie opens the door and Sally is overjoyed that he isn't decomposing while Josh, again sane AND smart (don't let the grave digging fool you) realizes that Stevie must have also discovered the secret to eternal youth. They come in and Josh ostensibly looks for the bathroom while really trying to discover evidence of a cannibalistic orgy. The house is clear until he gets to the kitchen and begins to smell something but whether in a wolfy way or a hey, you got a sewer drain back up kind of way, I'm not quite certain. (See: multitasking) He traces the odor to the breadbox and finds and arm. Guess Stevie was in the mood for a humerus sandwich. Anyway, he calls our two zombies in for a come to Jesus meeting where Stevie confesses the evolution of his hunger and how he killed his parents to eat them but because didn't want to get sick off of spoiled food, put them in the garage freezer. Smart boy. Stevie is conflicted (drink) because his parents were so happy to have him back and changed nothing about the house/their lives and he repaid their joy by eating them out of skin and bone. Josh points to the arm and calmly asks if that was his dad. No, Stevie finished them a while ago. That was the mailman. 'You killed and ate a United State postal worker?!' might have been the funniest thing that I heard yesterday. The postman will never ring twice again, that's for sure.

Stevie knows he's been a bad boy and will be sent to bed without supper so he leads them to the garage where he has set up another noose and asks them to help him kill himself. Again. Because he doesn't have the courage to do it having been there before. Sally wants to help him but you see the resolve harden in Josh's eyes and know that he knows that this is the only way. Stevie of course then tries to eat Josh who is having none of that and tells Sally to leave the garage while he helps Stevie with his problem. Josh returns to the kitchen where Stevie appears for final goodbyes and thank yous when his door appears. Josh interestingly enough can't see Stevie or the door as he hasn't re-wolfed yet then yay! gets his second sight back. Stevie starts moving through the door when Sally shakes off the cobwebs in her brain, realizing that it's the same door that Nick went through. She tries to call him back but the white light takes him and poof! Gone. Josh is confused but Sally explains that each door is personal and that was the same one Nick had. Something sinister? Or just reserved for zombies? Probably something sinister. What did they do with Stevie's body? It appears nothing as really, who is going to notice at this point. Good thing to because I'm sure that Josh is developing some splendid calluses. They are about to head back home when Sally decrees that they are going to have to do something about her soon as she really wants to take the arm for a doggy bag.

Aidan really hasn't been that interesting. A lot of flashbacks in which people speak in soft Irish accents and there's a church with the pastor and now he's berating Aidan for not coming to services and look! Now there's a baby and it's Aidan's and it's all rather dull as I can't understand a single word being said. He's back home? As a vampire? How did his wife giving birth not drive him round the bend with blood lust because let me tell you, it ain't a pretty thing, amirite Dyl? We rejoin Aidan in the present where I assume he's been broody and conflicted (drink) and is wanting sexytimez with Kat but won't because he dangerous right now. He leaves her house with blue balls and out of sight tears into a fresh bag of O+ which one must always have on hand to attend to sexy emergencies. Sated, he goes back and gets laid because will power is not one of his strongest suits.

Josh is late for his date with Pete but brings the beer. As he ambles through the yard, he hears a ruckus in the  trailer and sees Pete being attacked by an infected vampire as Blake has shared the cure with the other vamps and trussed Pete up to be used as an antibiotic. Josh tries to help Pete but Desperate Vamp tries to take him out next. Blake intervenes, reminding out poxy friend that Josh is off limits and if he doesn't want to leave the trailer in a vacuum cleaner, he best be getting back to business. They push Josh out of the trailer where he naturally hits his head and goes unconscious as being hard-headed is clearly not a literal thing for him as Pete is slowly tortured and drained of his blood.

Next morning Aidan he wakes up outside of a house apparently sleeping off a bender and stumbles out of the yard and back home. However, he was not alone....Kat's ex-boyfriend lies dead in the alley and really Aidan, the past is the past and you just need to let it go. She was with him, it was over. Accept it, move on.

All in all a pretty creep episode and with only 2 episodes left, building up to something big involving witches, zombies and Josh making peace with White Fang.

Being Human Recap: Get out of my dreams and into my mouth

When we last left our intrepid Bostonians, Teen Wolf had run away, Papa Wolf was sniffing after Nora and the Mensch regarding the disappearance of Thing 1 (Connor) and Thing 2 (Brynn), Sally scored herself a date and a job with Max the Undersexed and Terribly Awkward Funeral Home Director and Aiden was having very inappropriate fantasies about Bubble Boy.  Let's do this.

Sally is learning how to massage corpses' faces to make them look more 'relaxed' and 'natural' when up pops Dead Dude #1 because the afterlife still has her on speed dial so she does the only logical thing. She disperses him with a tire iron because she's not going to be Touched By An Angel for no-one, no-how. Mama Max then shows up as she's surprise! dead and pleads with Sally to be gentle with her boy. Aside: Max is a very weird mash-up of a Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick and Notting Hill Hugh Grant and yet, it doesn't work since I kinda want to punch him in the face. Anyway, they double-date with Zoe the Baby Whisperer and Nick the Waterboy which involves a lot of wine, most of which is consumed by Sally. Making up for lost time perhaps? And as ghostly mamas are wont to do, Mama Max crashes the party where three of the four can see her where she oh so subtly threatens Sally to leave her boy alone by sharing details of Max's social habit. Guess nekkid baby pictures and seventh grade yearbook candids are a thing of the past now.

Aiden is increasingly tantalized by the pure spring that is Bubble Boy and has come up with a plan to get some of that sweet sweet nectar: he's a nurse, he'll just draw some blood for 'lab work' which is what we're calling aperitifs now. The only trouble is, Bubble Boy is, well, in a bubble with nothing but bad SyFy horror shows and himself for company. Come to think of it, sounds an awful lot like our Saturday nights. Get this boy some Twitter, STAT! Ahem. And so becomes suspicious of extra blood draws immediately jumping to the (correct but batshit insane) conclusion that Aiden is a vampire and he is nothing but an all-you-can-eat buffet. Aiden's pretty pleased he's found away around the Bloody Flu Death Sentence For The Undead until he realizes that he's being visited by the ghosts of two girls he lured to help heal Henry after Suren exacts her revenge on his dalliance with a human some 100 or so years ago by having him flayed. Yay for being immortal! Also: gross. And ouch. Now they are his ever present 'conscience' if the role of the conscience is to encourage selfish and hedonistic behaviors but whatever. So between his intense hunger and nattering ghostly 20-somethings, Aiden's slowly losing his grip on reality.

Josh the Mensch and Nora engage in cute, couple-ly things like playing, 'Guess What's In This Sandwich'. The less said about this the better as it reminds me too much of the torture we used to inflict on my youngest sister known as, 'Here, Drink Whatever Is In This Cup'. (Sorry Cath.) They don't seem overly concerned about Teen Wolf's absence as the much more looming threat is Papa Wolf Liam and his Vampire Vengeance Vision. Clan Wolf is hunting down the vamps and it's pretty much a field day for them as the vamps are weak from lack of clean blood and Aiden is next on the list. The trouble was, he'd just had a hit of Bubble Blood and was feeling pretty good thank-you-very-much and administered the beat down to Clan Wolf. Papa was watching from afar and made the connection to Nora and Mensch where he basically says Im'ma telling you to kill Aiden, Mensch retorts with, 'You're not the boss of me!' and Nora's all, 'hmmm'. The Mensch finally finds his balls and tells Nora that there is no way he's going to let anyone kill Aiden as Aiden was the one who helped him and protected him after he was turned. Nora's trying to be practical about how it's dangerous for them all to be together and Liam is really scary like WHOA and Josh pretty much lays it on the line: bros before hos. He then goes and does the only sensible thing: threatens Liam to leave them all alone armed with naught but a handgun and puppy dog eyes. Liam strongly suggests he leave and Josh removes his balls once again.

Back at the funeral home, Max and Sally awkwardly discuss the awkward date which then ends with sexy timez as tends to happen in funeral homes. Sally is feeling pretty damn great, Max is conflicted and Mama is peeping then helpfully steps in to inform Sally that she just stole her son's FLOWER, you HARLOT. Cut to Sally marching up to Max in the garage where he is vigorously waxing his car (sadly, not a euphemism) and basically says, yeah, I'm quitting and that wasn't good enough to hit again so peace out. Turns out that Mama  just performed a hostile takeover of Sally (karma's a bitch, isn't it) so in retaliation, Sally gets some mystical help from Zoe in the form of a Thai butterfly soul lock and is about to exorcise Mama when the ladies have some non-Maury lady talk and hug it out. Figuratively. Sally and Max meet up at a bar (could be the biker bar, everyone was wearing black but no Hubcap Margaritas so guess not) where THEY hug it out and MAYBE can have a non-dysfunctional relationship now that Mama isn't acting as a Virgin Alarm anymore.

Bubble Boy goes through every trick in the book to prove Aiden is a vampire but the old stories are just that, stories so they watch bad old movies together as you do. Aiden is so engrossed in the movie that he falls asleep and dreams of being caught drawing extra blood by the day nurse so has to kill her. Of course. The Slut Sisters are there egging him on and he comes to sporting the black black eyes and big sharp nasty teeth of a vamp in the throes of bloodlust right in front of Bubble Boy. So what does he do? He stumble-runs out of the ward because that's not suspicious at all.

Josh is telling Nora how he went and threatened Papa Wolf that afternoon and aren't I incredibly manly now when she tells him he was an idiot (how new) because dude has ISSUES and Josh howls back I HAVE TO PROTECT THE ONES I LOVE!!! when the doorbell rings and it's Papa Wolf bringing a gift: Teen Wolf. How thoughtful. I usually just bring wine. Papa Wolf threatens the Mensch for threatening him and it's all very  homoerotic. And here we were thinking that Josh and Aiden would be the big couple story this year. Oh well shippers, better luck next time.

Next week! The return of Mother Gothel! Sally's Brother! Wolfy Things!

Being Human Recap - The Family That Stays Together

Previously on Being Human: Henry fell off the wagon and is sporting the leprosy spots of shame, Josh and Nora ended up adopting a turned teen girl, Aiden remains conflicted and Sally tried to help Trent find closure so his door would take him to his final reward. We see Henry stagger off into the Boston night led to believe that he dies. OR DOES HE?!?! Trent ended up cheating on his fiancee with Sally but finds out at his funeral NBD, she was cheating on him too so now he's all Whaa? How could someone walk away from 'this' (waves hands at self in disbelief). She's at peace, he isn't so back to the drawing board. Sally in the meantime  is catching the notice of the funeral director and NOT just because she's a crasher, youknowwhatI'msaying? Nora ends up playing Mama Wolf to Teen Wolf Erin which wigs Josh the fuck out. Aiden continues to brood and bemoan his immortal life. Trent finally tells Sally to take a hike, he'll do it himself and voila! His door appears. He goes through the door into the hereafter...or Witch Donna's soup Kitchen which I admit, is a bit of a downer. Girlfriend's looking rough so and zaps him with some witchy mojo turning him to dust. Which she then snorts. As one does. But wait! She's becoming younger, more beautiful, right before our eyes and I dub her Crack Mother Gothel.

Fast forward a week - Beep Boop.

Aiden is still in his woe is me phase and how does one attempt to claw one's way out of the abyss but by throwing a raging kegger featuring Natty Ice in his living room while dancing most unfortunately to 'Thriller'. It was very reminiscent of watching Angel and Wesley dance and I kind of wanted to stake him then the save him from the embarrassment of showing up on You Tube. Aiden has also been playing Russian Roulette with the humans, snacking on anyone with a pulse. Sally is also feeling down seeing as going out pretty much guarantees her seeing someone she knew and killing them to become Regeneriste for Mother Gothel. Playing cards with Teen Wolf, she laments her fate and Teen Wold wisely (I KNOW!) basically tells her to suck it up buttercup, you're an immortal hottie so why don't you move?

Josh the Mensch is really jonesing for some 1:1 time with Mama Wolf but she stiffs him for Grandma Wolf's birthday. Mensch has not given up on the dream of marrying Mama Wolf so sees this as the perfect set up to Meet the Parents. So of course Teen Wold comes along because really, would you leave her at home by herself? I think not.

Aiden shakes himself out of his funk long enough to take Sally to a place where he assures her that she has no chance of meeting anyone from her past. Sally is all about the clothes because let's face it, while yoga pants MAY make your ass look amazing, they really aren't meant for all day, every day wear. It's...a biker bar. That serves margaritas in glasses bigger than your head (though not, for the record, larger than the hubcap margaritas served by Nacho Mama's in Canton. Baltimore, represent!) and while she has some personal time with tequila, Aiden makes eyes at a bald, bearded and completely hammered biker. (Well! Now we know why he and the Mensch haven't sealed the deal; Josh lacks the requisite body art.) Then Aiden and Sally dance and by dance I mean she drapes herself over him because as we've noted before; tequila makes your clothes fall off.) Aiden distracts the clientele with shots (where exactly is he getting the funds for this generosity? A mystery wrapped in an enigma) and sneaks out after Biker Boy for a little lovin'. Or bloodin'. To-May-to, To-Mah-to. Sally finds Biker Boy drowning in his own blood and proceeds to freak. the fuck out.

Meanwhile back in suburbia, the party is rolling at Mama Wolf's house. Grandma Wolf wasn't expecting as many people as showed for birthday dinner so now she has to make more. Way to ingratiate yourself with the fam there Mensch. Teen Wolf's awkward presence is explained that she's the Mensch's cousin. Mama Wolf's brother takes a liking to Teen Wolf who does precisely DICK to discourage this. Grandpa Wolf seems to hate everyone and everything and of course mocks the Mensch who goes to assist in the kitchen where the conversation naturally turns to the dearly departed psycho ex of Mama Wolf. Mama Nora takes off for the sanctity of her childhood bedroom while the Mensch stops licking his wounds long enough to realize OH YEAH, this isn't about me and proceeds to make every man everywhere look like a complete chump with his declaration of love forever and ever amen. Even after Mama Nora says, yeah, I killed him. And Brynn. And...a bunch of other people but you still love me, pinky swear? But of course, my delicate flower, the Mensch loves everything about you!  They hug it out and it's very sweet.

Back at the house, Sally is feeling quite peeved that Aiden ditched her for Biker Boy and goes to visit him in his new abode: the laundry room what with Sally and Teen Wolf needing actual space. She straddles him and places a stake against his chest telling him that if he has a (second) death wish, she'll oblige. There's some nattering about regrets and loneliness and how Josh broke the bros before hos code before he agrees to shake his funk and he tells her where she actually needs to stake him. (No no stupid, you've got it all wrong. It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck.) This is either the best or the worst foreshadowing in the history of forever.

Back at Fun City, Josh works up the nerve to ask Gramps for Nora's hand in marriage to which he's like, eh, do what you want but did you get a load of the mother? You have been warned. He is going to be SO GOOD with Teen Wolf I tell you.

Aiden and Sally go to get jobs; for Aiden it's a bit easier - just fill out an application at the hospital from where he disappeared for a year and bam! Rehired. (Oh, TV, I call shenanigans on that one.) On the graveyard shift but still. Sally has a tougher road seeing as she doesn't actually exist so what does one do in this situation? Visit the funeral home to root around for death certificates for children to use their identity, get caught by the cute funeral direction and walk out with a job. Dressing corpses but still! A job. And possibly a booty call. That won't leave her at a biker bar, giant margaritas be damned. Brother Wolf comes to visit bringing Natty Ice for an engagement celebration which Nora knows nothing about because Gramps can't keep a secret for shit. She leaves him in the house for some reason, Teen Wolf comes downstairs and charmed by his beer hair, invites him upstairs to talk. Josh comes home, hears suspicious sounds from upstairs, goes up to congratulate Aiden for finally getting some again, finds In-Bred Wolf with Teen Wolf in bed and proceeds to unload on him forgetting for a  moment that he is, in fact, No-Wolf and is bailed out by Mama Wolf. Again. Teen Wolf runs off because TWU WUV and Nora shoots Josh down again.

Aiden is getting reacclimated to the hospital when he spies a kid with a sweet set up. Introducing: Bubble Boy. But what is Aiden really without an existential crisis? Just another pretty pretty face.

Next week! Teen Wolf! Romance! Office Shenanigans! Or not. I wasn't really paying attention.

Being Human Recap: Dafuq?

Previously on the SyFy drama 'Being Human', Aidan was rescued from being buried alive and left for over a year (he's a vampire, it's cool), Josh killed his maker in an effort to free himself and his girlfriend Nora from the werewolf curse and was partially successful and Sally the ghost was brought back from limbo, not to her previously ghostly form but all the way back using the heart of the dead werewolf, her buried body and a lot of brown paper macheie.  It's all very complicated and kind of gross. Moving on.

Aidan is feeling a bit on the peckish side seeing as he was literally six feet under for over a year but managed to grow an impressive Ted Bundy beard while locked away nonetheless. Vampires can grow facial hair now so it's best to throw all that you thought you knew about vamps out the window. While he was taking a timeout, the vampire population of Boston was pretty much decimated by a particular virulent strain of the flu, leaving the vast majority with lovely oozing sores which meant scoring a blood whore fell somewhere between slim and none. They don't know who has had/been exposed to the flu so can't risk feeding as there is no cure wonderfully demonstrated by Amish Mafia Vampire number one who turned to dust while driving. Don't dust and drive folks; it never ends well. Disoriented, weak, and starving, Aidan desperately tries to make contact with his erstwhile roommate Josh....

Josh our neurotic hero is torn between reveling in his new found freedom from the curse and guilt over that the killing of his maker didn't also cure Nora. For Nora to be cured, she has to kill Josh which will really put a damper on their relationship. Luckily, Nora has embraced her inner wolf so her time of the month is no real big deal. She tosses back a couple of raw sirloins and holes up in her storage unit. (Why does no one else rent a storage unit in this place? How is this not suspicious to management?). Josh usually will spend the night in his old hidey hole next to her (see: neurotic, guilt) but Nora forces him to actually go and LIVE as this is what he wanted so badly. Josh reluctantly sees her point and takes Sally, who has a raging case of cabin fever, out drinking. What could possibly go wrong here?

When Sally was brought back from limbo, she didn't come back alone. She located a couple of her old ghost posse whom she was responsible for sending to limbo in the first place and cajoled, coaxed and bullied them into trying to find a way out so they were with her when the witch opened her door to bring her back. I actually thought that all three of them would be fighting for space in Sally's body which had the makings of a really macabre version of Three's Company but alas, Stevie and Emo Boy were returned to their own bodies, presumably without being dug up and lacking a werewolf heart but whatevs. The big warning was that Sally COULD NOT SEE anyone from her past. Not sure why that warning was given repeatedly so going to the local bar in the neighborhood in which she was alive seems a perfectly logical thing to do. Clearly the afterlife has not made her any smarter though she could be thinking with Ms. Vagine de Cobweb so we'll give her a partial pass on it. She of course sees Trent who OMG was AT HER FUNERAL. Poor girl didn't even have a chance to finish her martini but she covers with a faking her own death story and further distracts him by sticking her tongue down his throat. Josh is neurotic AND clucking so he makes sweet sweet love to his bourbon and imagines turning into a wolf again. Perhaps to be drinking something else? I have an excellent recipe for a kamikaze....

Sally is ready for a little sumthin sumthin so like any good roommate recently returned from the dead, she asks Josh for his condoms and takes Trent back to the house like a goody bag (her actual words. Geez, no wonder Danny killed her). He gets cold feet at the last minute saying he doesn't feel so hot and Sally takes her first zombie rejection pretty well. Josh wanders the streets of Boston and waxes poetic about the moon because he can be a giant noob.

Aidan is confuzzled as all get out, almost gets his ass kicked by some wolves and is rescued AGAIN by his protege/nemesis Henry who's all, hey man, let's go back to my place for a drink. And by a drink I mean from my girl who I put my vampy whammy on and lock her up like a veal because FLUUUUUUU! Aidan remarkably resists as his somewhat latent conscience wakes up and kicks him in the nuts because DUDE.

Meanwhile, a forbidding grizzly dude breaks into an Amish house asking about his son. His gaze is continually drawn to the black wolf skin hanging on the wall and figures out it was his pure blood werewolf son. The Amish are of course vampires so they get their vamp on and he goes to town with a stake and not nearly as well as Buffy I must say. (Why do the bad guys wait to attack one at a time? Typically strength in numbers works to one's advantage but they're supes so: super.) He takes them out and mourns beneath his son's fluffy skin. Of course Josh and Nora had run with Black Wolf and his sister Batshit Insane so Buff Daddy goes in search of them and finds Nora in her storage unit of sad. They have Big Talks and turn together....

Next morning, Sally is craving fatty pork (perhaps she should start off slow, maybe with a nice vibrator or something) and tries to talk Josh out of proposing to Nora right after changing back to human when they hear sirens and upon investigating, discover that Trent has died mysteriously in the street and Sally was responsible because she had contact with someone from her past! Josh goes in search of Nora because he is neurotic and dumb and Aidan stumbles back home still starving. Sally offers her blood because she can and Aidan is all, um, yeah, 24 hours ago you were dead so I don't think so. They share a LOOK and finger play and it's all very awkward. Josh arrives at the storage unit to find a huge hold punched in the door and an ominous blood trail like something was dragged away. (They are so gonna keep his security deposit now).

So: Life! Death! More life and afterdeath.  Stay tuned for next week where Aidan is noble, Sally is horny and Josh is neurotic and conflicted. Otherwise known as business as usual.