Gawd, I know. I'm beating the dead horse. Repeatedly. Even I'm annoyed by my carping but holy hell am I not happy. I work weekends to try to get ahead in my work, maybe take some of the stress off and come Monday morning (hah - almost typed 'moron'. Freudian slip perhaps?) I'm faced with 5 voicemails and 17 emails all needing this that or the other released/extended/rejected. Seriously? I JUST walked in the door. I realize that some of you start your workday at 0-dark-thirty but us working moms are constrained by that little thing known as 'daycare' and 'not wanting to wake the children up hours before first light'.
Then my manager comes to me this morning (whilst fighting with our operating system) and asks why I didn't have any safety observations done last week. You were here all week, right? Um no. No I was not. I was having surgery last Monday and Tuesday and I left you a voicemail about it AS OUR HR DEPARTMENT HAS INSTRUCTED US TO DO. Well, can you send me an email instead? I can't remember voicemails. Lord, please give me the strength to not take the Mallet of Excellence upside this woman's head. Then our main operating system went down and has stayed down thereby ensuring that I will be spending a chunk of my weekend here AGAIN catching up. Plus our scheduling department just went live on some new system which I'm sure won't add any extra work to my load at all because now they have the power to do I don't know what but it can't be good. I can feel my blood pressure rising and remaining elevated as the events of last week threw the daily inanity into stark relief that this just doesn't matter. I'm totally blaming the stress for what happened to me. It's not going to get any better - this place is broken and fixated on the wrong things. I have no power here, no voice so the only thing left for me to do is to get the hell out. Which I'm trying to do but have that little thing known as 'responsibility' engaging me in an epic staring contest. And I wear contacts so of course I need to blink.
I really want to stop bitching about work. It's a necessary evil and my family is worth it. I would like to stop feeling flat and deflated at the end of every day, rushing through dinner and time with the kids to desperately find a bit of myself again before facing it on the morrow. I'm gonna try to get back to telling the kid stories, they are much more fun and oh! the pictures! but I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to need to find some balance before I can get back to what I want to write about.
I did do a lot of cooking this weekend so my house smells like meat. Yummy, yummy roasted meat. All hail the crockpot and cream of chicken soup! Seriously, I think that I used four cans in two meals. And on that nonsequiter, I'm out. Until tomorrow when I'm sure I'll more things to complain about. You can't wait, I know it.