Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I expect the next great American novel by 5th grade

I'ma just gonna get this off my chest: Kindergarten does NOT mess around. I remember some 32-odd years ago being in kindergarten and working on learning the freaking alphabet, but apparently that's not good enough for our schools today. No, they want them doing real actual school work and when you're done with that, ASSEMBLE THESE PARTICLE ACCELERATORS KTHXBAI.

It has been six weeks since Noelle began her Journey Through Public Education with the first five coasting along, okay, we've got this: rules, sharing, no picking your nose in class, etc. But this week, oh ho HO! this week. Hope you enjoyed that gentle introduction because shit's about to get real up in here. FAST. Today is Wednesday. Please to be keeping that in mind. On Monday she came home and spouted off about compound words. You know, Mommy, a word made up of two other words. And then she proceeded to list lots of then. That party trick was followed up by clapping out syllables. Wow! That's awesome! You go with your bad self there girlfriend. Hey, it's homework time, let's see what the schedule There...there isn't the monthly calendar. Oh look! It's the letter 'E' worksheet...but we just got the 'D' worksheets on Friday...okay, time to do your homework.

Last night at dinner she informed us that Mrs. Richmond calls the period 'Mr. Meany' because he stops a sentence. And that a comma means a pause and you know what? She's absolutely correct. This bears repeating: they are learning grammar rules. In Kindergarten. Grammar. Rules. Hey, homework time! Let's see if we have the calendar yet...nope. But look! It's the letter 'F' worksheet. Were 'D' and 'E' supposed to be done by now? Do they all get turned in Friday? WHO SHOT JR?!

And then I proceeded to drink the rest of the bottle of wine.

The end.

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