It's time to get resolute up in here

Y'all, I've given this resolution thing a lot of thought. I mean, who doesn't want to do life better, right? But the regular resolutions are kind of boring so hey, how can I mix it up some - things I need to do with things that are fun or out of my comfort zone. The results? Well, you'll just have to read on to find out. With no further ado, I present the 2015 Road Map to Make Friends, Have Everyone Like You, and Always Be Happy.

1.  Okay, I'll be honest; this one's a bit serious: to run a 5K. I hate running. Despise it. There is nothing that I like less than long distance running. Cross country running*. But my aunt was recently diagnosed with breast cancer so training and running in a Komen Race for the Cure event to honor her seemed like a good idea - push out of my comfort zone and do something to support what she's facing. This will be a stretch as previous running was limited to 60-foot sprints which in a complete coincidence is the distance from home to first base on the softball diamond. Funny how that works.

2. I've had two children. Two very large children. Vaginally. And while I would never trade their squishy yumminess for anything, they did quite a number on my pelvic floor so Resolution Number Two is to convince Depends to sponsor my running attempt as no cotton anywhere is that absorbent. (Why yes, I do blame Dylan for this; why do you ask?)

3. Teach Noelle how to cook. (Full disclosure: she's actually asked to do this.) And as a fun bonus, maybe she'll eat what she cooks! Only having to make one meal will be a wondrous thing indeed. We should get there by 2020.

4. Get rid of the dead tree in the front yard. This should be a no-brainer yet every year, it taunts me by mayyyybe starting to bud when BAM! Nope. Which happens right around tax time so you know that shit ain't getting done. If we gotta rake leaves, then they'd better be our own. I'm looking at YOU, creepy Russian neighbor.

5.  Generally get the house organized. And perhaps de-cluttered. A bit. In some ways Dyl and I are polar opposites: he likes 'stuff' and I just want space. Things piled on every horizontal (and sometimes vertical) surface make me grumpy and twitchy. And you wouldn't like me when I'm grumpy and twitchy. Hell, *I* don't like me when I'm grumpy and twitchy. Though that might mean purging some books. Hm, I may need to rethink this one....

6. Be a grown-up and actually communicate what I want/need rather than expecting people *coughDylancough* to just read my mind and do it. (I know, I totally betrayed all females everywhere with that one. Sorry ladies. Time to put on your big girl pants and deal with it.) The conversations I have in my head are awesome but the imaginary friends aren't going to get stuff done. Damn, look at me being all responsible 'n shit.

7. Actually finish putting together the family cookbook. It's only been 3 years since I've started this project. Uh, crap. *Waves hand frantically at family members who are reading* - This is not the post you are looking for.

8. Write more. Nuff said.

9. Try to be nicer/more patient. This always appears on my list so you can see how well I succeed at this one. Also, get off mah lawn!

Looks like I've got quite a bit of work to do so time to hop to it. With any luck we'll meet back here in December for Resolution Wrap-Up: The Search For More Challenges.

*Eleventy-thousand fake bonus points if you can name the movie.