Thursday, May 31, 2012


1. If you put raw cut up vegetables in a spinny container in front of children, they will always reach for and try whatever is in there.

1A. If you, however, put it on their plates, they will. not. touch it.

2.  No matter that both you and your husband emphasized the previous evening that said children will not be getting ice cream that night as it's a special treat blah blah talkycakes, the child in question will ask for it.

2A. Said child's face will crumple in despair and sadness when reminded that no, no you cannot have ice cream tonight and you will waffle in your resolve.

2B. But only momentarily as she will discover an uneaten fun-size bag of M&Ms in her Easter basket and will clamor for them instead.

3. Yes, the Easter baskets are still out.

3A. Putting them away requires throwing away the Halloween candy and using those containers to store the Easter candy.

3B. Just try disposing of candy of any sort while children are in the house.

3C. Go ahead, try. I'll wait.

4.  The progress report from school never matches what you observe your youngest to actually be doing.

4A. You will suspect collusion between the teachers and the administration.

4B. You and your husband will shrug and say, 'Well for pete's sake, he's TWO."

4C. You will then eat your feelings in the form of ice cream and Dove bars.

4D. Yes, I'm aware of the hypocrisy. Shut up.

5. Never let your husband choose the evening's watching as getting to bed before 11 will. not. happen.

6. Your daughter will declare today her new Beautiful Ballerina Bear's birthday.

6A. This means a birthday party with friends.

6B. And cake.

6C. Haaaaaa

7. Days when you most dread going to work are the days when your children are full of the most snuggles, hugs and kisses.

7A. This will get you through the day, even more than coffee.

7B. Or beer.

7C. Though I won't say 'No' to that either.

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