Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Saturday Night Snarker Special

Suppose you are a parent. Now suppose you are a parent with no social life of which to speak. (What? Too redundant?) You're hanging out on Saturday night, can't afford to go anywhere even if you did have a babysitter, plenty of booze available, twitter at the ready and a cable package of unlimited potential. What's a hot mama/papa to do? Why, turn on SyFy of course.

Right here is your ticket to the land of make-believe. You can find yourself transported to magical, far away lands like Mexico

Half shark, half octopus, totally pissed

New Orleans

The secret to jambalaya

and New Jersey

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
'The Complication' has the situation under control

There you can indulge in your deepest, darkest hero fantasy battling the likes of giant mutant crocodiles, animal husbandry experiments gone totally wrong (coughSharktopuscough) or for something with a little more pizazz, tornadoes from space with little more than a transistor radio and electromagnetic-free pulses fired from a deep-diving suit. You get luscious locations, nuanced dialogue ("Oh no, not like this!"), and beautiful bodies who may or may not resemble someone slightly more famous *coughEricRobertscough*.

And once you are thoroughly hooked into the story, why, you talk about it on twitter in only the most loving and awe-inspired way possible. You dissect every action, create real-time fanfic for the sequel and shower glowing praise on the cast, crew and director at every turn by liberally applying the tenets of irony, sarcasm and snark. Soon, your efforts will be rewarded by giveaways such as a rare Piranhaconda egg (now only $19.95 at Oriental Trading Company) or a greasy trucker hat signed by a clearly batshit-insane celebrity chef Edward Furlong ("Now THAT'S how you make jambalaya!") (No. No it is not.) But even more than that, you have created a true community of like-minded lonely clever social commentators. And you feel like you've come home.

Now, who's ready for Bigfoot?

This post was in NO WAY sponsored by, well, anyone. It is a love letter to my fellow SyFySaturdaySnarkers.


  1. Great post... you are going to need a bigger blog


  2. Alice Cooper tweeted about a new collaboration with The Asylum during Bigfoot last night: TarantuLamb!

    Don't know if he was serious, but I bet SyFy could pull it off!

    1. You know what? I read that and nearly lost my shit snickering with the imagination. And Alice Cooper? You can come hang with us ANYTIME.


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