SparkleBritches Fumblefingers

Yesterday Noelle lost her fifth tooth. Well, more accurately spun that bad boy around until it popped out with a hella lot of blood but yay! It was out and the danger of Snaggle Tooth Picture Day was sidestepped...this time. Dyl cleaned her up and I got her special tooth pillow out of the closet so we were ready. As the resident Tooth Fairy around these parts, I've got it covered; the only risk being that she'll wake up when I make the exchange. Other than that, we're good.

When she lost her first tooth last summer, I wanted to do something a little bit more than just money but not over the top (thanks Pinkalicious for setting THAT ridiculous bar) and so settled on sprinkling glitter from the window to the tooth pillow then up to her pillow before heading back to the window so it would seem like the tooth fairy was giving her a kiss or something. (Wow, typing that out makes it really creepy. Well done me.) I deliberately stayed away from any tooth fairy Pinterest boards because ain't nobody got time for that.

She LOVES it. She loves the glitter the 'tooth fairy' leaves even more than the coin (gold-plated $1 coins - special but not too grandiose.) Glitter, however, gets EVERYWHERE so I clearly didn't think this plan through enough. No turning back now; onward Ferb! This is also how our tooth fairy got her name, SparkleBritches Glitterpants because GLITTER. She usually sleeps without a nightlight so I got really good at navigating her room in the pitch black, dodging beanbag chairs and piles of books to get to the window side of her bed. I apparently like a challenge. Anyway, I've got a system and get in and out in under a minute. Until last night.

Recently she's begun sleeping with a nightlight so when Operation SparkleBritches Glitterpants was deemed a 'go', I smugly smugged that with a light, this would be easy. I'd break my record for swapping moolah for enamel and then could get into bed before the cat claimed my spot. Haaa. Ha. Oh, hubris.

I prepped for the mission by turning out all the lights before slowly opening the door. I froze for a moment to see if she stirred and briefly considered army crawling but wisely discarded that as I'm more klutzy crawling than walking. No movement so I moved confidently into the room and that's when I made my first mistake - I was on the wrong side of the bed (consistency is important y'all and it's only weird if it doesn't work.) (Spoiler alert: it didn't work.) I reached for the flap to the tooth pocket...and couldn't get it open. So I raised it a few more times before discovering that it was NOT the flap I was moving, it was the pocket itself. Once I figured that out, I got the flap open, deposited the loot...and couldn't find the tooth. I rummaged in the tiny pocket for what felt like forever, even going so far as to pick the whole pillow up which is when she started shifting. There I was, trapped in the blue glow of the nightlight, caught red-handed. Fortunately, the tooth fairy gods smiled on me (after enjoying a good chuckle at my expense no doubt) and she settled back to sleep. At this point it was clear that the tooth was not in the pocket and my fumbling around had managed to to knock it out somewhere on her bed.

Basically at that point I said 'fuck it, we'll distract her in the morning', dispensed the glitter and got the hell out of Dodge. Only thing left to do was concoct an elaborate tale of 'Mommy must have come up to bed just when the tooth fairy arrived and scared her so she forgot to take the tooth but no worries, we'll just mail it to her' in the event she noticed the tooth on her bed in the morning. Then Dyl found the tooth in her pile of stuffed animals this morning so really, this whole post that I almost killed the tooth fairy is kind of pointless.

The end.