Monday, February 23, 2015

I'm sorry Monday but I just don't think this is going to work out

I've never been one to blame stuff on the day of the week or to accuse anyone of having a 'case of the Mondays' but I could be persuaded to come around to this way of thinking. It began this morning with the news that our school system was on yet another two-hour delay and since Dylan had a big project at his work that he couldn't be late for, I was going to have to go in late. Again. My boss has been extremely understanding but you never want to push goodwill too far or have it seem like you're taking advantage (I'm not, even if they were in before-school care, someone would have have to stay with them - since the program is based in the school, if school start time is delayed then they're not open. It's a trade-off for the ease of not running all over the place.) I had a back-to-back panel and meeting scheduled for this afternoon but I should be able to prepare for both. Thus resigned, I got up and went through my usual morning routine: work out, shower, remote in to be available, pot of coffee, eat breakfast blah blah blah.  Noelle was up first and requested a viewing of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (good girl.) Noah got up soon after and we were all set for a slow morning albeit one punctuated by blasters and lightsabers.

About 8:45 I decided to begin prepping my lunch and tonight's dinner but before I could start that, had to finish primping (which means brushing my teeth and waving mascara at my non-existent eyelashes.) Okay, good, start making my lunch. Whoops, Noah wants his breakfast. Sure sweetheart , here's your breakfast. Oops Mommy, I spilled my milk. Like all of it. A full glass. Which is now aiming right for the new computer as I still had it up since I committed to being available until 10 because responsible. Quickly sop up the milk and rescue the computer. Comfort Noah that no, I'm not going to throw you out of the house for spilling your milk. Discover puddle of milk on the floor, bite back an oath. Get it cleaned up, new milk poured, back to my lunch.

Crap, I've still got to dice the chicken, saute it and make the peanut sauce as well as clean out the pan since it will be needed for Step 2 this evening. Find the rice, measuring cup and saucepan, line them up for ease of application. The chicken is still partially frozen so chopping is taking a while as I have to blow on my fingers to warm them up. Whip up sauce, start dishes, dammit, where are the frozen vegetables? Right, in the downstairs freezer. Get package of stir fry veggies and seeing the laundry room reminds me that I need to do a load of laundry. Back upstairs, grab the basket, down to the basement. Okay, now time to saute. All browned? Excellent, let's drain it. Wash more dishes, pack up sauce and chicken for later. Run back upstairs to get Noah's library book, remember that I haven't written out the menu and instructions, run back down the stairs to do that. Realized that my forearms are sore and cramping from shoveling so writing looks more like Black Speech than anything else. Good luck tonight honey. Mommy, can you bring my AT-AT up here? Sure Noah. Runs back down to basement, grabs giant AT-AT, runs back upstairs. Movie is finally over (good god that was long), get Noelle breakfast. No spillage. Huzzah! Okay, let's get dressed.

Phew! Okay, we're back on track now...until it's time to get shoes and coats on. Sorry Noah, you can't wear your boots; they're still damp (dafuq?) Get your jackets...what do you mean they're not in the closet? Oh right, they're drying in the downstairs bathroom. Run back down, grab jackets, remember that the clothes need to go in the dryer. Take jackets upstairs, pretty much throwing them at the kids, back downstairs to load dryer, back upstairs to get out the door. It's Hat Day, don't forget your hats! Okay, everyone out, it's time to go. What do you mean the doors won't open...oh FFS, they're frozen shut again. Finally get doors open, everyone in. Shit, where are the keys? I can't find the keys, I JUST HAD THE GODDAMN KEYS! Search next to kids, under car, by front door, trying not to slip and slide into the storm drain, still no keys. I'm panicking now as the time cushion to get to the bus stop before the bus is shrinking rapidly. Still no keys. Check the front seat - aha! Down the side where dropped things go to die. Fire up the engine, pray to God we haven't missed the bus.

Whew! Bus isn't here yet, let's go....shit! Shit! Shit! Here comes the bus. Let's move, move, MOVE! Noelle, your door is stuck, get out Noah's side, I'll grab the backpacks just goooo....whoa the sidewalk is icy! Down goes Noelle. You okay honey? Yes, Mommy, I'm fine. Good, let me help you up....whoa! Slide down the the sidewalk into her, get us both across the street, get Noah his backpack and everyone on the bus. Almost fall into slush waving good-bye. Duck-walk back to car, realize my sunglasses are in my backpack which is in the trunk and say fuck it. Off to work and a semblance of sanity.

I picked a helluva season to give up drinking.


  1. I calculated all that out, it wasn't possible. Here's what really happened- You used your time turner to go back three hours, repeatedly bumping into yourself running up and down staircases to pull off what is essentially the Mom of the Year maneuver AFTER an previous evening of both 1- The Oscars and 2- The Walking Dead, and how you still haven't yet destroyed a brand new laptop after losing both keys and sunglasses is a mystery that will never truly be solved. You are pandimensional. I am on to you.

  2. Monday's just suck. Where do you get you energy from, I'm exhausted just reading your Monday adventure.


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