Weird and Wild Wednesday

Okay, so technically this stuff all happened yesterday and I was too busy playing on Facebook and Twitter last night to do real work which is why it's neatly fitting into today's little slice of heaven.  Behold the glory of suburban existence!

No, your car is NOT the open audition for the next American Idol 
Driving home from work with Noelle in the back seat last night, I looked in my rear view mirror as I am wont to do when sitting in bumper to bumper traffic.  Because people watching? Is the BEST spectator sport ever.  And on this glorious afternoon, the lady in the big-ass truck behind me (seriously, it was like a 4-runner on steroids) was giving her rendition of something (Copacabana?  Paparazzi?) her ALL.  To the point where it really looked like her head was growing out of the steering wheel and the veins in her neck were trying to escape the what I'm sure was divine caterwauling.  It kind of reminded me of the 2-headed podrace announce in Episode I.  Since I was already in a bad mood, being reminded of that little piece of cinematic travesty did not help matters at all.  Thank God for the Backyardigans Born to Play CD. 

Why?  Why would someone think this is a good idea?
A bit later on the drive home (yeah, we were still in the car), I glanced out of my window in a vain attempt to alleviate the boredom from the view of the lovely car that had been in front of me the past 13 miles and guess what I saw in someone's yard?  No, really, guess.  You'll never get it.  The oddest lawn ornament I've ever seen.  And I've seen some odd ones. We have some odd ones.  This proud Raven fan displayed purple...flamingos.  Because the flaming pink actually FOUND IN NATURE isn't hideous enough, no, some store somewhere decided to improve on this by making it purple.  And not like wearing a jersey, no.  This was your regular (isn't that sad that we can identify these things are 'regular') garden variety plastic flamingo.  In purple.  In their front yard. Grazing in the flower bed.  I...give up.

The paso dobee
While still in the car (because of course we still were), I make the turn onto the main road to get to our development and BAM!  Sudden standstill.  Still have no idea what caused the back up but whatever.  So we are inching (and I do mean inching) along when out of nowhere a bee lands on my windshield, right in my line of vision and starts....spinning.  In a circle. Round and round and round and I'm just watching absolutely fascinated by this random display of bee-ness.  It kind of was like Noelle dancing - spinning round and round.  Then it slowly got tired and staggered off to the side of the windshield (still spinning but much slower) before finally falling off and I hope making it home safely because that was comedy GOLD there people.  So in a much better frame of mind we whip through a no-thru parking lot to get home where we are greeted with...

Snakes!  Snakes under a porch!
Only 1 snake really, a long black snake apparently likes under our stoop.  And our neighbor's stoop.  Little ingrate.  Anyway, Mom and Noah were sitting outside and saw the snake yesterday (Mom is really into gardening so isn't fazed by something like that.  Neither am I as long as it 1) stays out of my house and 2) gets rid of the spiders before they get into my house.  As long as we have an understanding....)  But it's NOT poisonous as our neighbor Steve bravely volunteered to test this by PICKING THE DAMN THING UP.  And got bit.  This is where being a big giant wuss is a good thing.  I would never get bit because I would never be tempted to pick up a snake in the first place.

Introducing Captain Chaos
It's not a post without some relation of the asinine doings of my children so Noah was glad to oblige.  He's a very busy little man.  Lots to explore, doors to open and close, things to put into his mouth, cats to torment (this time with a spoon.  He was...petting her.)  Anyway, we have these door locks that loop over the handles and tighten so you can't open the doors.  (Well, duh, that is what they do, you idiot).  The ones that we have look like a bow when you use them properly.  Or just use them.  Which we have to be better about since he crawled to the cabinet under the sink which wasn't latched (one side hanging off), you know, the one that houses the trashcan, carpet cleaner, kitchen cleaner, dish washing detergent-you get the idea- pulled it off the knob and handed it to Mom.  Oh dear lord in heaven are we in trouble now.

So thanks to Captain Chaos and Boris the Dancing Bee, I ended the day with jellybeans and my sanity intact.