Why giving your children a vote is rarely a good idea

We may have inadvertently set the bar a bit high last year with our having things to do, places to go, people to see weekend extravaganzas of rarely being home. So much so that the kids have come to expect that every weekend and now Noah has taken to asking, 'Where are we going today?' as apparently 'Sunday School' and 'Noelle's dance class' don't count. It should though, it's out of the house, dammit! But! Experiences! Enrichment! Not bugging each other! So we put it to a vote: either go to the World of Pets Expo or Germs R Us. This is why we bundled up yesterday, grabbed the mound of tokens and headed to...Chuck E. Cheese.

They have dead eyes, like sharks eyes.

As we already had a slew of leftover tokens from a previous visit and everyone had already eaten lunch, this was fixing to be a very low-cost outing (good thing there is no 'pizza' purchase required though they ostensibly serve beer so it would be a win-win.) (Full disclosure: I've never actually discovered the magic beer fountain there. I feel kind of betrayed.) Games, rides, climbing...how could this be a bad idea? LET ME TELL YOU THE WAYS.

Firstly, we made the rookie of mistake of heading there after 11 am. Seriously, if you want a lord-of-the-flies free experience, go before noon. We arrived at 3:15. Into absolute madness. Every table was reserved for parties or in use by other families who had the exact same idea we did. No place to stash our coats, Dyl and I carried/wore them while the kids ran around. Or tried to because every possible path was choked full of bodies. No one was unruly or mean; there were some older kids who refused to doff their shoes before climbing in the playground but overall, no one was bad. There were just a LOT of people having a LOT of birthday parties.

Second, they were pretty close to being understaffed. We had decided that we would get drinks (playing and running is thirsty work after all) and Dylan stood in line for a long time to get two kid-sized cups. Then when it came time for the kids to trade in their tickets for (cheap-ass) prizes, it took another 20 minutes for them to get a turn. Incidentally, Noah cleaned up on tickets - he favors the games where you can win a lot at once as he has inherited the lucky parking horseshoe from his father. Noelle likes Skeeball (as do I) and trap the hamster, even emptying the game of tickets at one point. Tired, hot, jostled, and frazzled was not a fun ending to the afternoon.

The thing with being in public? You have to see them and their sartorial choices. I really can't believe that a *lot* of pregnant women (that's so redundant but there you go - sounds weird otherwise. Pregnant people? Pregnant folks? See what I mean?) put on leggings and non-tunic sweaters/shirts and thought, 'Damn, I look good'. It was pretty traumatizing. For me at least. It's very judgy, I admit it but Leggings Are Not Pants. Not ever. So say we all.

But in the end the kids had fun, ran off some energy and even brought home a toy that provided minutes of fun and excitement.

Next time though, I'm rigging the vote for the Lego Movie.

Thursdays are the new Saturdays

Well, according to the SyFy channel they are. In a move that has greatly pissed off the legion of Tweeters known as the Snarkalecs, for the summer SyFy will not air movies - original or otherwise - on Saturday nights. Instead they will offer scripted shows that lasted one season each (Sinbad, Primeval: New World) at the snarking hour (9 EST, 8 CST) and show the movies on Thursday. In a bizarre bit of marketing, the genius who runs the @SyFyMovies twitter account tweeted:

1. SyfyMovies ‏@SyfyMovies21 May

   Our next original movie is June 27 - #IndependenceDaySaster! I think I'm going to call this Syfy Saturday Movies On Thursday! ;)

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   • 3RETWEETS
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   1:59 PM - 21 May 13 · Details

Dafuq?

So why? Why would you move original movies to Thursday nights but brand it as the SyFy Saturday movie? We already have Saturdays...on Saturdays. Making Thursdays into Saturdays rips a hole in the space/time continuum and leads to zombieism. Now, college kids can make Thursdays into Fridays but only if they don't their first class until after noon or have managed to give themselves Fridays off altogether. For the rest of us? Saturdays need to remain on Saturdays.

Have the Snarkalecs demonstrated such incredible twitter trending power that those in charge think that we'll live tweet the scripted shows that the network has already declared they will not produce more seasons of? Do they want to go up against prime time shows, even the reruns? Did a junior purchasing exec have too much Kool-Aid at the holiday party and now they need to quietly run out the clusterfuck?

We are good but on a work night? Everyone knows that snarking is lubed by booze. The worse the movie, the greater the booze consumed and the funnier the snarks.

You could have owned Saturday nights SyFy; we had it gift-wrapped for you but now you've gotten too big for your britches. We'll take our snark and go elsewhere.

Good day sir. I said GOOD DAY!