I'm Here

Have you ever felt like you were a ghost, just drifting along, observing the world but not really a part of it? You see in rich, vibrant color, feel the pulse of activity around you, catch the voices raised in anger, frustration or high spirits but float amongst them, yearning for contact but knowing that no matter how much you scream, you will never be heard, left, unacknowledged until the fog lifts from their minds that you are needed until once fulfilled, settle again into the blanketing, muffling cloud.

To be constantly forgotten, marginalized, ignored, hurts.  To be seen in a narrowly defined capacity only is stifling; stifling to the body, the mind and the spirit.  It is exhausting reminding people that you are here, that you have things worth saying and sharing, that you are worth their time but as long as you fill your place in the machine of industry, hit your mark in the dark comedy of business, you can be brushed off, filed with the 'extras'. To speak your mind, to dare to step out of the carefully designed dead end trap of a role is to invite ridicule and scorn at your audacious intrusion.

Well you know what? I'm not invisible. Not anymore.  You do not get to define me, only I can do that and I've coasted long enough, handing that power off to others.  I'm here. I have value and worth, I am a strong contributor and so much more than you think. Enough feeling sorry for myself; it's time rip the blankets off, blow away the clouds and smog and shine like the bright star I know that I am. I'm here. I'm done with you making decisions for me, giving me a hollow consultation before doing what you want anyway.  I'm here. All  I want is what everyone wants: to be valued and heard.  You know what I do for this company, it affects the bottom line every day; you don't want to deal with the real me. You don't want a woman who has her own way of seeing the world, who finds the humor and absurdity in the mundane; you want someone who will keep her head down and just do the job.  I've done that long enough and it's time to take a stand.

Get used to it.

I'm here.