This post brought to you by the letter 'P' and the number '3'....

It...has been a trying 24 hours at the Casa de Lange.  In fact, I think that the most appropriate description would be 'clusterf*ck'.  And it was a Wednesday.  I mean, come on now, you expect these things to happen on a Monday.  Which they do.  I have proof.  But no, my beloved Hump Day was beaten to an unrecognizable pulp.  And not by work.  Which is a first in and of itself.

It started out just fine.  Even got a walk in before the rain started.  Made plans with V to meet up with them for dinner at Red Robin, Noelle's favorite restaurant.  And pretty much only restaurant she's been to but eh, it's much better for the story being her favorite.  What a good mommy I was!  Such a special treat in the middle of the week.  Yeahhhh.  Should have quit while I was ahead.  And then...the drive home.  The routine is that I pick Noelle up from school after work seeing as her school is only 5 minutes from the office.  It's kind of 'duh' like that.  I should preface this whole thing by saying that Noelle likes hats.  She is one of the lucky ones who looks good in hats and she loves to wear them.  We have cowboy hats and princess hats and baseball hats and witches hats and sun hats and pirate hats and well, you get the picture. 

Walking into her classroom, I was immediately accosted by her friends and got a flying hug from Noelle.  Those?  My favorites.  Then she launched into the broken record of "I want to wear the pirate hat".  Uh, okay honey, we'll get it from your closet when we get home.  No, mommy, I want to wear the pirate hat.  One of her friends had a (really cool actually) pirate hat that she had brought from home.  Noelle, with her super-sensitive hat-dar keyed in on it and WOULD NOT LET IT GO.  Which meant tears.  Of course.  Over someone else's hat.  Which I would not let her wear.  Bad Mommy!  Finally coaxed her out of the classroom with visions of pirate hats and Red Robin dancing in her head.  Guess what we DIDN'T do before we left.  Go on, guess.  So halfway home she has fallen asleep in the car seat.  I fished out her daily sheet from her bag and yep, no nap today.  Well, crap.  So she's exhausted and did not pee before leaving school.  And it's raining.  Because of course it is.  Which means that traffic slows to a crawl because AH MAH GAD Maryland drivers CANNOT drive in the rain. 

Once we get home (finally!) she melts into a puddle inside the door.  Again:  tired.  Dyl and I traipse upstairs to find the blasted pirate hat as she roused herself enough to whine for it.  Dyl gets back down first and remember that puddle of preschooler?  Well, the puddle made a puddle.  Poor thing was so tired and had an accident.  This?  Was my fault.  Should have deposited her butt onto the toilet as soon as we walked in the door.  So, okay, an accident.  Not the end of the world.  Unless you are an exhausted 3 year old girl.  Then?  The end of the world.  She COMPLETELY freaked out over the accident (to which Dyl and I were all like, eh, it happens.)  The ensuing meltdown pretty much ensured that we would not be torturing the paying public with our little freak show that evening.  So 'Max and Ruby' it was. 

Okay, so no chicken bruschetta burger but Dyl came through with Qdoba for us (nuggets for Noelle).  Woo Hoo!  Love me some steak ranchero burritos with guacamole and sour cream.  Again, fine until the battle over the baths commenced and said burrito began disagreeing with me.  While arguing with Noelle over getting into the bath, getting out of the bath, getting dressed after the bath.  Poor Noah, who needed a bath, got shafted with all the drama and just was put to bed. 

I'd go into more detail but you get the picture and hey!  Noah decided it would be fun to NOT SLEEP.  Which was great.  So Dyl and I are punchy and tired and are very glad that the day is over.  And I had a cute video to end with but it won't load so now it's personal and I'm going to bed.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

It's time to get random!  A small sample of what has been percolating in my head recently:

Noah's combination scooch/army-crawl is something out of a nightmare.  "He's coming right for us!"

Yes, 8 ounces of milk IS too much for one little tummy to handle.

Frozen peaches make AWESOME popsicles.  Until they've been sucked, um, not frozen.  I believe that I have a 'Bunnicula' on my hands....

I secretly want to yell "Wonderpets, Hooooooo!" whenever Noelle is watching it.  Yes, I'm forever stuck in second grade.  So?

My friend Stacey does a 'Guess that tune Tuesday' on Facebook.  Which I can't access from work.  So I can't play.  Which makes me sad.  And wanting a smartphone so I can play.  This is all her fault.

With apologies to Simion Glover, bring in the pain, bring on the shame.  It's softball time again.  Feeling has finally returned to my legs from last week's debacle.

I'm doing an 'Eat Well, Live Well' challenge at work sponsored by Wegman's.  Did you know that 1 cup of vegetables is a HELL of a lot of veggies?  And we are supposed to target 5 cups a day?  Um, ack?

If waiting impatiently for Iron Man 2 to get here is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Noelle's bed has been taken over by the ever-multiplying stuffed friend collection.  And yeah, it's our fault.  Mostly her dad's.  Stupid collecting habit.

Noah is stalking the cat.  She tolerates it now but sooner or later she is going to turn around and smack the bejesus out of him.

Noah is also trying to give us a collective heart attack.  Just last night he did a real actual crawl.  Yay!  Followed up with almost immediately with a pulling to standing stunt on me.  Um, yay?  Followed by a pulling to standing stunt in his crib.  Which hasn't been lowered yet.  Oh crap.

I'm glad that Noelle shares so nicely with her friends.  I just wish it wasn't her whistle she was sharing.....

You should head over the Keely the Unmom for even more randomness!  Have a random day everyone!

Quotables: The Spin Cycle Edition

So this is my first attempt at spinning for the 'Spin Cycle' over at Sprite's Keeper.  The topic this week is Quotables, lines from music/movies/books that you tend to use frequently.  And woo boy, do I.  I shamelessly borrow from movies when you just need that perfect observation or response.  Let's look at the top ones, shall we?
First up:  You are so odd. Ghostbusters
A very simple statement, one that can be used in almost any situation but the impact is totally due to the inflection with the emphasis on the 'odd'.  This one is usually directed at Dyl but he knows the reference so he just laughs.  Doesn't mean it's not completely appropriate.  Which it is.  Totally.

Next:  You're weird. The Pirate Movie
Similar to the first one I'll grant you but more of an every day response whereas the previous is best suited to a more 'formal' discussion.  Also, almost no one gets the reference which makes me feel, um, dorky.  So it doesn't get much play....

Flames.  Flames on the sides of my face.  Breaths....heaving breaths....  Clue
Just...perfect.  And delivered by the incomparable Madeline Kahn it's all about the inflection.  And the fingers.  The ultimate utterance when the frustration level for anything has reached it's apex. 

He's not just going to walk in here and say 'Here I am!' Zorro the Gay Blade
This is from a really, really bad movie but one of my favorites.  I used this one when giving the fam updates when we were waiting for my son to done 'cooking' last summer.  To really get the entire experience you have to say it in a really bad Spanish accent.

This, this is ice.  This is what happens to water when it gets too cold.  Real Genius
Great, great movie.  Plus:  Hot Val Kilmer.  Yum.  Also:  a nice change of pace from 'Captain Obvious to the rescue'.

Come to me, gentle friends.  Ace Venture: Pet Detective
One of the ONLY movies with Jim Carrey that I find funny.  So this gets broken out, well, randomly.  Because that's how I roll.

My brains...are going into...my feeeeeeetttttt!  Spaceballs
Heh, it just makes me laugh.

You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.  The Princess Bride
Ha!  Bet you thought I was going to go for the other Inigo Montoya quote.  I love this one since I'm a total grammar/vocab snob use this to lay the smackdown on all who dare to bastardize this fine, fine language of ours. 

There are so many more that it could take all day but this snapshot is enough to prove that we have collectively exhausted our creativity and must now depend on Hollywood's screenwriters to provide us with the perfect retort.  And with that, we'll end this insanity.  Can I interest anyone in fruit, or dessert?

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

After a pregnancy-induced 18 month hiatus from softball, I returned to the field of battle last night.  (And no, I wasn't pregnant for 18 months (though it did feel that way at times); that time also includes the off seasons.)  I expected for my timing to be off a bit, my swings to be, um, girly and my throws to lack their usual zip.  This happened after Noelle was born so I was okay with it. But!  I returned 30 pounds lighter, I've been walking and building stamina and cardiovascular excellence, it surely wouldn't take that long to regain top form.

What I neglected to factor into all of this is that I am now 36 years old.  Now, this is not old by any stretch of the imagination.  HOWEVER, in the arena of competitive sports (though seriously? Are there any non-competitive ones?) this is the equivalent to Brett Favre retiring now and then coming back to football in 10 years.  Which may very well indeed happen but I digress.  I'm strong!  I'm tough!  I'm a catcher! *pounds chest* *then winces in pain because HAI BOOBS*.

First, the good news.  We won both games.  The first game was a total come-from-behind-at-the-bottom-of-the-seventh-inning victory.  We were down 7.  That?  Is impressive.  The even better news: I did not make a complete fool of myself batting.  In fact, I only had 1 swinging strike.  AND went 4-4 with 2 walks.  Or maybe 5-5.  Something like that.  So not too shabby.  Running and squatting?  ENTIRELY different story.

Now when I experience sore muscles (as usual at the beginning of the season), the soreness doesn't show up until 2 days after the activity.  I knew that I was in trouble last night when my shoulder started aching during warm-ups and my quads hurting the FIRST INNING OF THEFIRST GAME.  I played through the discomfort.  Why?  I'm tough, I'm stubborn and there were no other females to sub in.  My other choices would have been second base (never played it before in my life.  Ain't about to start now) and outfield which is never a good idea because even with my glasses/contacts I have about zero depth perception.  Which would explain my penchant for walking into walls, corners, anything really.  My legs alternately felt like jello and lead.  Jello when trying to stand up from the crouch and like lead when I had to run.  In my mind I was sprinting but thank god no one was videotaping it since I have NO desire to see how slow my lame-ass ran last night. 

Did I mention we play double headers?  Oh yes!  We do.  And I did.  I know that I was wobbling walking back to the car at the end of the game.  Also:  grateful that I wasn't not driving the Wrangler as the constant shifting would have reduced me to tears very quickly.  I had to physically PICK UP my leg with my hands to be able to release the emergency brake as there was no way I was able to lift my leg high enough (3 inches.  Max.) to step on the pedal to release it.  Not without some help.  Scratch that:  a lot of help. 

It was fun and felt good to get out there and start playing again but man am I paying for it today.  And tomorrow.  Quite possible through the weekend.  But I know that it won't be this bad next week.  And will be better the week after that. 

What I could really use right now is nice, hot soaking bath and a 3 hour nap.  Neither one of which I will get but it's nice to dream.

Home improvement in 4 easy steps....

The ghettofication of our bathroom continues!  While turning on the shower last week, something inside the handle snapped.  Because of course it did.  Which meant that turning the water on or off was...difficult.  Unfortunately, we couldn't ignore this one the way we did the kitchen fauct for 4 months.  So after working for 4 hours on Sunday morning (!), off to Home Depot I went with printouts of replacement shower/tub faucets in hand.  After wandering around the store trying to find said faucets (seriously, where the eff are they?), a kindly employee took pity on my smelly, sleep-deprived self (4 am comes awfully early in the morning) and led me to the promised land.  Not of faucets but of REPLACEMENT HANDLES!  Oh happy day!  I could just replace the HANDLE and not the whole contraption.  This was sounding better and better all the while.  No special tools, plumbing equipment, sealers/caulkers, etc. needed.  All the repair required was a screwdriver. WHICH I OWN.  I can DO this.  Watch out Ty Pennington, it is ON.
The 'So Easy a Mommy of Two Can Do It' instructions:
Step 1 - using a flat blade (such as a screwdrive), remove the cap of the handle
Step 2 - unscrew the screw from the handle and remove the rest of the unit
Step 3 - replace with new handle unit, screw into place
Step 4 - replace cap
Step 5 - done!

See, verra easy, only...not.  What actually happened:
Step 1 - removed cap.  It just pops off!  Awesome!
Step 2 - crap, it needs a phillips head, okay, fine. (trudges downstairs to get it).  Okay, now we are ready.  Insert business end of screwdriver, turn and....nothing.  Hm, okay, looks like it's slipping a little.  Try some more force.  And....nothing.  Uh, is the hole getting bigger?  No, just my imagination.  Okay, more force and leverage....nope, still not - wait, it's turning.  It's turning!  With more force and wrist action and yeah, now we're turning...but why is the screw not coming out?  And why is the screw head hole getting more round and less '+-y'?  And why is the water turning on...oh crap!  Forgot to turn off the water first. (Note to all home improvement peoples out there:  when working with plumbing TURN OFF THE WATER.) Run backdownstairs, turn off water to ENTIRE house, back upstairs, back to work with FORCE and LEVERAGE.  Which isn't doing anything except 1) turning the entire apparatus and 2) completely destroying the '+'.  What the hell is this screw made of?  Cotton candy?  *Grits teeth* Why. Won't. You. LOOSEN?  Screwdriver is now COMPLETELY USELESS as the screw head now resembles a BELLY BUTTON.  To hell with this, let's break out the big guns.  C'mere my little adjustable wrench.  Just grab hold like a good little tool and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU WON'T WORK?  FINE. I'LL GO BACK TO MY FAVORITE FIX-IT DEVICE: needle-nosed pliers (hey, worked for the kitchen faucet....). Go find needle nose pliers.  Keep in mind that THIS whole part of the adventure has taken about 15 minutes now.  And counting.  Grab the rusty pliers (see:  kitchen faucet) and try to force open.  Since it won't.  (see:  rust).  Okay, now we are ready.  Grab hold of that screw head and turn and...the whole thing continues to turn.  Repeatedly.  Adjust position.  Nothing.  Adjust grip. Nothing.  Climb INTO bathtub to get a better angle.  Nothing.  At this point it's a matter of pride. 

While this is going on, Dyl is trying to get Noah down for a nap (so not happening) and Noelle is running around being...3.  She keeps coming into the bathroom "What you doing Mommy?"  "Why you in bathtub?"  Mommy, meanwhile is trying very hard not to start yelling at the handle with words not meant for little ears.  I'm tired, I'm hungry, I desperately need to pump because boobs = full.  And the stupid screw will not loosen.  At this point I'm kneeling in the bathtub, tearing up in frustration and begging the screw to loosen.  Which always works, right?  It doesn't?  Well, crap.

Even the manic energy brought on by pride has given out.  FINE.  I 'll call a plumber.  I give up.  No mas.  'Uncle'.  This was not for lack of trying.  Though I have a suspicion that I just made things worse.  This whole time, Dylan has been wrangling the children and most likely wondering if he will ever be able to take a shower again.  And he brought up the Home Depot Repair Book (or something like that) which he was smart enough NOT to bring to me in the bathroom surrounded by tools from our toolbox flung haphazardly around said bathroom in the desperate hope that something would work.  Which it did not.  Of course.

I did end up leafing through the book later because, ya know, masochistic and all that, and think that I figured out why the screw would NOT loosen:  Because it most likely has some plumber's gunk on it to keep it from leaking.  There can be no other reason and I was in danger of going into a paroxysm of manic laughter since if that is indeed the case, there is NO WAY this would be an easy project.  I can't get the handle off to get to the screw to remove the gunk to allow the screw to come out which will allow me to change the handle to turn it for water. 

I am so not looking forward to making this phone call to the plumber.

When Silly met Goofy

It's been a strange week around here.  Dyl and I were both home with the boy a day this week, I caught an 8-hour stomach bug (I'll spare you my ruminations on vomit), Noah has either seasonal allergies or a nasty cold and Noelle is, well, 3.  So this pretty much summed it all up....

Friday.  Pizza night (no cooking! huzzah!)  Let the battle of the silly faces begin!

What's the perfect pizza chaser?  Blueberry yogurt of course.

White boy does the 'Thriller'

Noelle goes for the cute

 You are helpless before the power of pink

The itsy-bitsy spider got stuck in Dylan's hair....

Are you scared yet?  My face may freeze this way

It doesn't matter what you do Daddy, I'm still cuter

And...the grand finale

I am a sexay bitch.
I have no words.
What does our audience think?

Am I seriously related to these lunatics?

Please?  (Not me but a fitting photo nonetheless.)

Apropos of nothing

To paraphrase Goldie Hawn's character Elise from the movie The First Wives Club, I get my best ideas/thoughts/brainstorms while exercising.  Which in this case means taking a walk around the beautiful Hunt Valley industrial park in the broiling early-April sunshine.  Seriously, it is going up to 90 F today.  Welcome to the Mid-Atlantic's version of spring.  To be followed shortly by weeks of cool and rainy weather.  Damn your eyes, shifting weather patterns! 

*Shakes fist at heavens*

My point?  Right!  So I was walking today and the comparison of this year versus last year jumped into my head which I felt compelled to share.  Hey, it's better than ruminating on wormy suicides.  AMIRITE?

A year ago today:
I was pregnant.
I knew that I was having a boy.
I was scared to death.
Now I have a little boy whom I just adore. And I think that he likes me pretty well too.

A year ago today:
I had an office mate.
I had a confidant.
I had a friend.
Now I have a reason to go out and do things and a new group to do them with..

A year ago today I had three living grandparents.
Now I only have one.  But Grandma and Grandpa at at peace so I'm slowly becoming okay with it.

A year ago today:
Noelle was still in pull-ups.
Noelle was sleeping in a crib.
Now I have a daughter who is no longer a baby but well on her way to becoming a beautiful, sweet and wonderful little girl.

A year ago today we were a family of three.
Now we are a family of four.
And I can't imagine it any other way.

Not a bad year after all.