Everything I need to know in life I learned from my Grandma

In loving memory of my grandma, the lessons she imparted to us:

• Whether you think you can or you think that you can't, you're right
• Orange juice is the miracle cure
• If you leave hungry or sober it's your own fault
• Keep your faith in God; with His help, you can do anything
• Your health and your family are your greatest riches in life
• Never stop learning
• Age is a state of mind
• It's not dessert without ice cream
• Which is much better mushed
• Sparkling cider, noisemakers, pots and pans are all that you need to celebrate New Year's Eve
• It's hard work staying young but oh so worth it
• Put on your earrings and pearls everyday
• Make the effort every day to look nice; you'll feel so much more confident
• Your education is the greatest investment you can make in yourself
• It's 5 o'clock somewhere
• You only get one shot at life so make sure to have fun
• Stand up straight, put your shoulders back and be proud of your height
• Enjoying opera, the theater and Two and a Half Men are not mutually exclusive
• The gift of education is the second greatest gift you can give your children
• Family is the first
• You are never too old to ride in a Jeep
• Flowers make the whole room look nicer
• Have your everyday dishes match your china.  No one will ever know
• Always apply to more than 3 colleges so they know how awesome you are
• Every day deserves flowers

Grandma - forever in our hearts

You are so loved

How to lose 50 pounds in 7 months

Yup, that's right.  I've lot 54 pounds in 7 months.  Which just so happens to coincide directly with when Noah was born.  Not that I gained 50 pounds with him, lordy no but still, almost 30.  Which means that I STARTED my pregnancy with him roughly 20 pounds overweight.  Betcha didn't notice!  Or if you did, you were kind enough not to tell me. I hide weight very well (most likely in my feet).  I'm  crafty like that.  And yes, birthing a 10-and-a-half pounder will do WONDERS for the scale.  But how, pray tell, did you manage to lose the rest of it and then some?  I'm so glad that you asked for lo!  I am here to share my earthshatteringly complicated method for profound and sustainable weight loss.  For women though. Guys, you are on your own. 

Step 1.  Have a large baby.  A VAIR large baby.  Or two of them.  Not only are they more nommable and magickally delicious, they make the numbers on the scale go down vair vair quickly.

Step 2.  Be absolutely psycho about establishing your milk supply.  I was sustaining this baby with the fruits of my own labors if it killed me!  And holy hand grenades of Antioch, it was labor.  That poor tissue will NEVER be the same.

Step 2A: Water. Lots and lots of water.  Drink 8 ounces before pumping/nursing and after pumping/nursing.  Then one more glass.  Just for good measure for I would not have supply issues again!  I shall thwart you with my awesome water consumption.  Supply issues, you are all wet!

Step 3.  Eating regularly.  Sounds counterintuitive but hear me out!  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks at reasonable intervals and hours?  Made tummy VAIR happy.  And not binge-y.  Also:  not dropping crumbs on child's head since that?  Equals bath.  And AH MAH GAH bathing infants is not for the faint of heart.

Step 3A: Regularly scheduled mealtimes.  IE.  Dinner.  Over many objections, Dinner Hour was instituted.  She who cooks gets to make the rules after all.  By eating dinner at an early enough hour, I eat less overall and better food then when I'm trying desperately to come up with a brilliant dinner idea at 8:30 pm once childrens are abed and my brain hurts and I can't think and WAH my life is so hard and man does pizza or Qdoba sound good right now....  The point?  Oh, right!  Eating earlier and as a family = VAIR VAIR happy scale results.

Step 3B.  Bore your tastebuds to tears.  A snapshot of my diet, as it were: 

• Breakfast - bowl of cereal, glass of orange juice, vitamin
• Lunch - PB&J sandwich, bag of any crunchy thing, yogurt, quart of water, fruit snacks
• Snack - several heaping spoonfuls of peanut butter.  Yum. Just...yum.
• Dinner - meat, starch, vegetable, glass of milk
• Dessert - small piece of cheesecake.  DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!  It was leftover from my birthday and since Dyl gave up sweets for Lent, it wasn't going to eat itself
• Water.  Lots and lots of water

Step 4.  Sleep.  Enough of it.  Sleep is way better than almost anything.  Except Diet Coke.  Which leads me to Step 5...

Step 5:  Diet Coke.  Or not.  The point?  Cutting out soda cut the pounds.  Since I was not thirsty in the slightest.  See:  Step 2A.

Step 6.  Exercise.  Which would give even more awesome results.  Not doing great at this since hey!  Shiny, sparkly innerwebs!  But still.  Today I spent at least a half an hour traipsing up and down the stairs at work eleventy billion  times carrying heavy bins of bottles.  So that totally counts, right?  And this summer I'll actually be playing softball and not patrolling the sidelines 9 months pregnant giving the opposing team the stinkeye while everyone says 'for the love of all that is holy DO NOT go into labor here!'

By following these simple steps you too can achieve weightloss nirvana.  Still not ever going to wear a bikini again.  The sharpei residing on my abdomen likes things dark and quiet.

And voila!  The results -

I should totally patent this....

My hero

How do you define a hero?  Is a hero someone who wins the game in the last seconds?  Is a hero the person who devotes his or her time helping others?  Or is a hero simply a person who has lived her life to the fullest, been the foundation rock of a family and set an example that you will try to live up to but know that in the end you will fall short? 

I know a woman, a very special woman, who has always lived life by her own rules.  She is highly educated, growing up during a time when highly educated women were anathema.  She wanted to study and teach chemistry but was told that there was no future in that for women so she did the next best thing.  She taught math and science to high school students.  She married late in life for those times and raised three children.  She was hard-working and fiercely independent which helped her when her husband died early.  She continued to work and cultivate interests and relationships.  She remained strong in her faith showing it as her rock.  She traveled all over the world, always learning, always experiencing.  She loved her family; sharing in our triumphs and offering unqualified support when we struggled.  She worked hard to stay 'young' for her children and grandchildren.  She gave us the opportunity to experience things varying from theater to horseback riding to tennis lessons.  She loved nothing more than to be surrounded by her family even as her hearing failed her.  She could always be counted on for a snack and a drink (of any type).  She demonstrated day in and day out that the only limitations you have are the ones you impose on yourself.  She was always impeccably dressed, taking pride in her appearance and house.  In her house you could never help but to feel happy and safe and loved, as if nothing bad could ever happen to you within those walls.  She adored her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren.  And now, as she weakens, we surround her hoping to give back a tiny bit what she has given to us all of these years:  love and peace and comfort.

She is my role model and mentor.  She is my biggest and loudest cheerleader.  She is my Grandma.  And I love her so very much. 

Unanswered prayers

When we decided to have a second child, I for the most part really didn't have a preference for a boy or a girl.  Mostly because you can't control that part.  But if I were to be completely honest with myself, I was a tiny bit hoping for another girl. We had the clothes and the toys.  It wouldn't be that much of a change, just going back to square one.  I knew girls.  I have two sisters so I have had two built in best friends since the beginning.  There is a closeness in the relationship of sisters that can't be duplicated anywhere else.  So when the sonogram tech confirmed we were having a boy, a little piece of my heart cried.  It mourned the loss of the possibility of a sister-sister relationship for Noelle.  It panicked over what to do with a boy, how do we raise one and the worst specter of all:  could I possibly love a little boy as much as I love Noelle? 

And then, this

How could I have ever been worried?  He was here, he was perfect...and huge.

He captured our hearts right away; how foolish I was to doubt the love I would feel for him.

He is just who he needed to be and who this family needed.  He's a happy, smiling baby who lights up when you come into the room.   He is more active than his sister was; can't wait to get into trouble.  He gives big sloppy kisses and tries desperately to get to you.  He much prefers being held to sitting on the floor.  And he brings so much joy to us that its almost impossible to describe.  He is Noah.

I love you, Boo Boo.  Always and forever.

Paul Revere of the toilet

We are celebrating in a big way over here and not because its St. Patrick's Day!  We have declared Noelle as officially potty-trained!  She still has occasional accidents mostly because she goes from zero to oh-my-god-I-have-to-pee in the smallest increment of time ever measured.  And to mark this special occasion, she received her potty present:  her very own BlaBla.  She has been coveting this since we got Noah one for Christmas.  They are TEH AWESUM. 

How do we know that she is potty trained?  I'm so glad that you asked.  She tells you.  She tells you that 'the poopy is coming' and that she has 'a poopy in my butt'.  These are important things to know people!  And we couldn't be more proud.  And thankful to stop buying pull ups.   Because OMG those things are expensive.  Now we can put that money towards more important things.  Like apple slices for Noah since the boy loves him some apples.  And sweet potatoes.  Carrots and squash, not so much.  But they all pale in comparison to the delicious ice cubes.  He will roll over anything in his path to get to his ice cubes.  NOM NOM NOM.

Nothing pithy or witty to say to wrap this up so instead we'll just say good night and don't let the leprechauns bite!

Scenes from a weekend

Girls' Night Out.  What image does this conjure up for you?  Clubbing, bar hopping, pillow fights....?  Nope, it means seeing RPattz in a totally non-Twilight role.  Except for the hair.  And smoldering glances.  And being all angsty broody brooderson. So yeah, Team Edward went to see 'Remember Me' (which is apparently based on a book.  Who knew?)  And while it was not quite 2 hours of my life that I will never get back, it wasn't terrible.  See:  Girls' Night Out.  Meaning out.  With the girls.  And no kids.  Its just about as good as it gets around here.  We went in knowing nothing about it other than RPattz was in it and that it would probably be a weepie.  Stacey even made us commemorative tissues for the occasion.  Which I didn't use because holy hell was the screenplay, editing AND acting just...bad.  Even the major twist at the end elicted no emotional response from me other than 'Is it over? I hope so because my ass is asleep.'  Then we went for drinks and munchies so everything was better.  Team Edward reconvenes in June for Eclipse but before then we have 'Clash of the Titans' (sans stop motion skeletons. Boo!) and 'Iron Man 2:  Ironner and Manner'. 

Until you are a parent there is no way to be able to understand the draw that is a 1-year old's birthday party.  Or in this case 2 1-year olds since my twin nephews just turned 1!  The best part?  Franken-walking.  Is much awesome.  And hysterical.  My sister's MIL was holding Noah and I guess completely forgot that he is only 6 months old because she set him on his feet and tried to 'walk' with him holding her fingers.  Um, yeah, that's not gonna work Janet.  He's just 6 months.  But he is a huge 6 months.  The older kids were just as adorable as ever and for some reason Noelle decided to try...broccoli.  Not generally a party food preschoolers go for but we'll roll with it.  She does what she always does with a 'new' food:  she licked it.  Wasn't sure if she liked it, was pretty sure she didn't but had to be certain.  So she licked it again.  A PSA for you:  NEVER eat anything that has been on her plate. 

Adult Evening Out!  Also with the 'no kid' theme.  And it was...awesome.  Being able to sit and talk to V and Frank without following Noelle around stalking the Red Robin and feeding Noah and giving Dylan dirty looks for inhaling his food while I can't eat my burger that is sitting there taunting me because I'm feeding Noah who has decided that now is a great time to really draw out the meal and oh look!  There goes Noelle so off Dyl goes to follow her and I'm still feeding Noah and my stomach has decided to just jump out of my body because there is a BURGER sitting there and good lord woman are you going to feed me or not?  But I'm not bitter (my stomach though might still be holding a bit of a grudge).  Another hurdle has been jumped as we went to Don Pablo's since:  fajitas!  And Dyl found out that carnitas with fresh avocado slices is some of the best stuff out there.  Yes, yes it is.  Plus:  margarita!  For me.  YUM.  Wow was it nice to pretend that we still have a life outside of Dora and diapers.  You know, for kicks. 

Not only is it Monday, its raining and also the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time which means that everyone's internal clocks are still all screwed up.  I say that you really can't judge the effect of the time change on your circadian rhythms until you are back in the workweek.  Noelle would like to call shenanigans on the whole thing by staying in bed.  Which she did.  With extreme prejudice.  Back to real life.  It was nice while it lasted.

One crisis managed...

...and a new one begins.  First, the good news:  we have water again.  Lovely, flowing, clear water that comes out of our taps and doesn't stain the toilets brown.  It only took 5 days to come back but apparently repairs are easy to make WHEN YOU HAVE THE PARTS.  And not have to order them from OHIO.  I have nothing against Ohio, its a fine state but really?  The state of Maryland cannot be bothered to keep parts on hand to be able to fix little things like raging water main breaks?  All in the name of controlling inventory costs but that is an entirely different rant altogether.

What? Oh, right.  The new crisis.  Well, not crisis perhaps but definite wrinkle.  Noah has a cold.  Which under most circumstances isn't that big a deal (the kid is a frickin' snot machine) but the poor little guy couldn't sleep last night with all the snerfling and snuffling.  And poor Dyl volunteered to stay up with him until he got comfortable.  At 2:30.  This morning.  We put Baby Vaporub on his chest, used the snot sucker, rocked him, fed him, anything that could be thought of was tried.  But its damn hard to sleep when you can't breathe.  I owe Dyl big time for this as he let me sleep since I had to get up at 4 am this morning to be at work by 6 for a staff meeting that didn't happen.  I'm not as tired as he is but tired enough to be stabby.  So its been a rough week for the Langes but we'll survive.  But onto the good news!

Hurdles that have been attempted/jumped:  Noelle is doing VERY well with using the potty.  In fact as I was getting her ready for her bath (!) last night, she told me that I needed to take her clothes to her hamper since she needed to poop!  And she did!  In the potty!  I am so PROUD of her.

Hurdles that have been attempted/jumped 2:  Noelle has begun using 'Please' when asking for something on a pretty consistent basis.  What used to be "I want craisins and juice" is slowly becoming "I want craisins and juice please".  Yes, you can teach your preschooler manners!  Sort of.  We are still working on all the social cues but hey, its a start.

I'm waiting for Dyl to call with the day care update and as its almost 8:30 and I haven't heard from him yet I hope that he is okay.  And/or sleeping in a bit because damn, 3 1/2 hours of sleep is rough during the best of times.

Guess what?

No really, go on, guess.  WE STILL HAVE NO WATER.  And I am waaay past the point of amusement or even perspective.  To "bathe" Noelle last night we had to heat water in a tea kettle (yes, we have a tea kettle and no, we don't drink tea.  It matched the rest of the kitchen set.  Shut up.), plop her in the bathtub and pour warm water over her in an attempt to remove the last of the green icing from her face/hair (thanks Mom!).  She was...less than pleased with the whole thing.  In fact she announced her displeasure by achieving heretofore unreached decibel levels that were only magnified by being IN THE BATHROOM.  Holy hell, my ears are still ringing.

Noah, eh, he's a boy.  He doesn't care that he needs a bath.  He would like to point out that he would be very happy to make the ultimate sacrifice and forego baths entirely for the sake of Mommy and Daddy's remaining shreds of sanity.  Or he would if he could talk.  Which he can't.  Yet.  But!  We've reached the land of 'da-da-da-da-da-da-da bbbbblllllpppptttthhhh'.  Its pretty profound when you think about it.

I at least have the opportunity to shower at work; poor Dylan doesn't even have that to look forward to.  So if you see him, give him a hug.  On second thought, don't.  He hasn't showered in 2 days. But watch P&G stock since sales of Old Spice will send that bad boy through the roof!

My mother-in-law has graciously allowed us to stay with her and Roger tonight in the event that the water still hasn't returned.  We will be taking her up on that offer.  And abusing the hell out of it as well because hey!  Showers!

Isn't it ironic?

My apologies to Alanis but oh! the irony of the water situation.  There is currently upteen thousands of gallons of water in the form of melting snow outside our house but not a bit of it in our pipes!  Or in our new, deghettofied kitchen faucet!  I'm as tired of writing about this as you are of reading it but OH MY GOD.  We are reduced to melting snow to add to the toilet tanks to be able to flush them.  And thank goodness for Baltimore County; they are dispersing water to residents affected by the water outage at a location only 5 minutes from our house.  The catch?  You have to bring your own containers.  Um, yeah. 

Other things baby wipes are good for:  sponge baths for adults when you have NO WATER. 
Other usages for seafood steamers:  melting snow into water so you can flush the toilets.

My biggest take away from this whole clusterf*ck?  I will never again take for granted the simple joy of turning on the faucet and having water come out. 

On a happy note, only 4 more days until Friday when the girls and I will be going to see RPattz's new film!  The title?  Unimportant!  (Its 'Remember Me' or something)  There will be much ogling of a non-sparkly RPattz with a decidedly un-crazy Claire.  Because yes, we are delusional stalker people.  Plus, you know, drinks.

Day 3 without water....

Argh.  Just....argh.  This is so incredibly inconvenient not having running water since we are not camels.  And are potty-training a preschooler.  Nothing like giving her mixed signals:  Let's go potty, do you have to go potty? Time to go potty.....whoops.  Can't flush the toilet, here's a pull-up.  Though I had a dream last night that we had water.  And it was beautiful.  We could do fun stuff like flush toilets and shower and maybe even the dishes!  You know, cuz we live dangerously.

But!  Noah is the toothless wonder no more!  He is cutting his first tooth on the bottom and isn't particularly jazzed about it since he didn't go to sleep last night until 12:30.  Though it could also have been the 5 hours worth of naps he took yesterday.  However, last evening for kicks I stuck my finger in his mouth to check for imminent toothage and lo! there was a tiny sharp point.  When you are a parent you do dumb stuff like that.  Don't you?  (Crickets....)

I'm home with the kids this morning since my mother-in-law has an appointment with the Social Security Administration.  I'm not sure who gets the short end of the stick in this scenario....  It wouldn't be so bad except that I can't make coffee.  Since we have no water.  And we've come full circle!  That's how you wrap up a blog post people!

You never know how much you need something until its gone....

I was going to do a introspective, heart-wrenching post about why I have been so unhappy at work recently (yeah, total armchair psychologist here) but then others things intruded so I'll save that for another day....

So yesterday a water main broke in Pikesville.  Which affected businesses and residences all the way up to Butler Road. Which is roughly 1/2 mile north of here.  Our water pressure has slowly been dying all day and now the only water left to be had in the house is in the basement.  Where we have the 4th bathroom.  In all its nastiness.  Because really, if the basement is generally used for storage why would I clean the bathroom.  Damn it, theres the karma again whupping me upside the head.   And since we are at the very end of the line, we will be the last to have water restored.  Oh joy.  Thank god I bathed the kids last night. 

But my folks came up to see us today to celebrate my birthday.  It was a nice visit, Mom and Noelle played Candyland, Noah was cute and they gave me a plunger.  Because you never know when you might need it....

So I've been drinking wine and playing around on my new laptop in the hopes that I might actually not completely adhere to the couch cushions in the evening.  I might do useful stuff like work or facebook or update the blog.  Its a tough job but someone has to do it.  The only good thing about the no water is that we can't give the kids baths tonight which means we'll be able to watch the Oscars that much sooner.  I'll be honest here, we haven't seen any of the nominated films for best....anything.  Because we are losers parents who are poor lazy. 

Uh oh, naptime is over.  Must mean its time for another thrilling session of Candyland!  You can't defeat the power of the candy cards so don't even try.  Mmmm.  Chocolate.  And wine.  Maybe its not as bad as I think.  Though I'd still like to have water back.  For, you known, thrills.

Tales from the potty

Allow me to go old school for a minute:  potty training is 'one step forward, two steps back'.  How true Paula Abdul, how true.  Just as I was saying to Dylan the other night that I think we have turned the corner in Noelle's potty training, MC Scat Cat/karma/whatever comes along and smacks me upside the head.  To wit:

Monday - Went all day at school without an accident!  Made it through the car ride home without an accident!  Made it through the dinner hour without an accident!  Made it to bedtime...and that's when the train derailed.  But tomororw is another day!  We're almost there!  Tis but a flesh wound....

Tuesday - Not quite as good as Monday.  She had one accident at school and another one in car on the way home (but that one I blame on a ridiculous amount of traffic due to the rain.  WTF? Rain? We survive 4 feet of snow in 5 days and traffic slows to a crawl because of some rain?  I so do NOT get drivers in the Mid-Atlantic.)  So we jam her butt into a pull-up for the rest of the evening.  (Pull-Ups:  the greatest invention ever or the bane of your existance?  Discuss.)  Get through bed-time without any more impromptu laundry sessions or toilet declogging heroics (for which my arm heartily thanks you Noelle.)  But we'll soldier on tomorrow....

Wednesday - And the great underwear switch continues.  She again goes all day dry at school...until I get there at a little after 5 to pick her up.  She is cowering slightly behind the bookshelf and my spider-potty-sense starts tingling.  Yup, she peed.  She looks a little upset and says 'Mommy, I peed in my pants.'  Points for grammar though....  Off to get dry clothes and to the potty to change her all the while with her doing the duck hobble-waddle as the pee leaks down into her NEW SHOES.  But of course it does.  With changed clothes, sits on the potty.  Nothing.  Because its all in her NEW SHOES now.  So homeward bound we are!  Dry on the way home.  Hooray!  Dry after the first 'movie'; potty time!  She sits but doesn't go.  That's okay since its still in her SHOES.  She then proceed to play in the bathroom making funny faces and generally admiring the cuteness that is Noelle in the mirror.  And then...disaster struck.  She pooped in her pants.  STANDING IN THE BATHROOM.  FINE, I'll clean you up.  I then proceed to dig poop nuggets out of her butt since she hadn't pooped in 2 days.  This has not been my finest week for the bathroom you guys.  Happy Birthday to me!  Back into the pull ups with the THIRD pair of pants today.  And no socks.  Because I am done.  Call the grandma police on me, I don't care.  Not 15 MINUTES LATER she pooped AGAIN.  In the pull up.  And of course this one was the gooey mess.  Dylan got this one because, as I said, I was DONE. 

Okay universe, I get it.  Potty training is not fun, easy or quick but could you PLEASE get up off my head now?  M'kay?  Thanks.

Taking stock

Today I am 36 years old.  I don't know if I ever thought about where I would be at 36; it was always nebulous, "when I'm grown up/older".  I always assumed that I would get married, have children, buy a house...all of which has come to pass.  If I were to think of it in terms of a 'bucket list' then everything is crossed off.  But its so much more than that.  Its a deep and profound joy that I have such wonderful family and friends.  While the day to day minutiae can wear me down its the little things that make everything worthwhile:  making up silly songs with Noelle in the car, seeing Noah's smile when I go into his room to kiss him good-bye for the day, a sleepy Noelle first thing in the morning wanting to just cuddle for a few minutes before the rush of the day starts in earnest.  Knowing that each night I will drift off to sleep in Dylan's arms and the gratitude that he has taken over the tasks of preparing the bottles and lunches in the mornings.  Its knowing that I can count on my family for anything - an ear, a bad joke, laughing until tears are running down our faces.  The good luck in having my grandmothers still alive and that Noelle will not only remember them but also have a relationship with them tempered with the knowledge that the time with them is limited and that I have to do more to be with them.  Its being able to count my mother and sisters as my best friends; its having in-laws who are so much more than a cliche or stereotype.  More generous and loving people you would be hard-pressed to find anywhere.  Its my dad being there for Noah's birth and always doing whatever he can to help us.  Its knowing that whatever I decide to do, all of these people will have my back.  They may make fun of me for years afterwards for those decisions but when the chips are down, they are there. 

Its been a great 36 years and I can't wait to see what the next 36 will bring.

An identity crisis at 3 years old

I keep reading and hearing about the imaginative play of preschoolers but had yet to see it manifest in Noelle. Well, I wait no longer. A list, from the past week, of all the things that she has pretended to be:

Police Officer Noelle
Princess Dora Noelle
Spider Noelle
Purple Spider Noelle
Apple Noelle
Vacuum Cleaner Noelle

Vacuum Cleaner Noelle could be happy and could be bad. And sometimes, both at the same time. Usually this just means she runs around the house yelling "I Vacuum Cleaner Noelle!" I usually wind up as 'Bad Vacuum Cleaner Mommy' though I have no idea how I'm supposed to play the game.

We also have an obession with 'Candyland'. She LOVES it. Might possibly play it all day long if given the chance. But because she is her father's daughter, certain routines must be followed before play commences. Like all of the candy cards must first be laid out on their corresponding positions on the gameboard before they can go into the general card stack. And once played, they have to be separate from the general discard pile. Oddly enough, she doesn't have a favorite color player but the 'peoples' have been found all over the house. Life with a preschooler is fun, its aggravating, its heart-overflowing-with-love but its never boring.

Back in the saddle again

So its only been 3 months since the last post. Well, first post technically. So lots of stuff has happened, children grew, blah blah blah. And then, Monday happened....

Let's run down the various ways that Monday sucked (as if we really needed more reasons to hate this day):
1) Noelle gave me a bloody lip. Okay, not on purpose and she felt really bad but man did it hurt. Who knew that kissing your kid on the top of the head was so fraught with peril? Note to self: keep face away from all children when they are jumping. No good can come of it.

2) The MVA is really the anteroom to hell. This one is kind of my fault since I had forgotten to renew my driver's license via the mail as the notice was buried under a lot of crap on my dining room table. What? You eat there? Its not where paper and junk mail go to breed? Surely you jest. So I take off early from work to renew it bring my social security card since I need to update my name to reflect my legal name from getting married...6 years ago. SHUT UP. This was all that was needed I figured so off I went on my merry way. To reach the parking lot where OH MY GOD there was no parking. Of course. But! I persevered and found a spot and joined the end of the license renewal line. This is just to get to the info desk where they will assign you a number to wait in another line. Finally! Its my turn. But do you have your marriage license? Whaaaa? I have my card! With my married name! No, not good enough. Need PROOF. So back home to get the stupid license then back to the MVA to do the parking lot circle dance to get back in the info line to get a number to wait for a spot to open. Thank God I brought a book.

3 & 4) They are cliches for a reason. Got smug with the whole Noelle is doing so well with the potty training. She went all day dry and was playing on our bed making a train while I ran her bath. Decided that she wanted Daddy to do it so we switched off. He comes down the stairs after a few minutes asks if pillows are washable. Hunh? Yes, she peed on the pillows and comforter. Lovely. Strips the bed, takes it down to wash. I'm sitting on the couch with Noah when it occurs to me to check on her. We get upstairs just as the toilet bowl has completely filled with water. Noelle is next to the toilet jiggling the handle saying "Mommy it not working!". Oh crap. Throw Noah into the bassinet which is really really too small for him run back into the bathroom and somehow calmly tell Noelle to GET OUT! There is a huge wad of toilet paper jammed in there. Because of course there is. And we have no plunger. That would be smart. Hah! I prefer to live dangerously. So at this point Dylan appears in the doorway as I'm rolling up my sleeve to plunge my arm into the toilet to unstick the wad of paper. Good lord how much paper did she stuff in there? With my arm submerged up past my elbow, I'm finally rewarded with the sucking power of the toilet emptying barely averting disaster. Dyl's brilliant comment: Don't we have a plunger? Um, no. No we do not. Must I think of everything around here. Me and my mighty arm will solve all of your clogs woes.

Wanted to crawl into a bottle of wine but its downstairs behind a ton of junk that I just don't feel like crawling through so eff it. Solved a crossword puzzle instead. With pen. Finite! So at least the day ended on an upnote....

The children update

Yes, that's right our 'little' man is 6 months old today. I am pleased to report that in conjunction with Logan and Mason we have the makings of a stellar front court. Because the boy is HUGE. Drum roll if you please:

Length: 29.25 inches. Yes you read that correctly. 29.25 inches. For those playing along at home, he was 22.5" at birth. So in 6 months he has grown just about 7 inches. There is on the chart, above the chart and not in the same zip code as the chart. Guess which one he falls into. Go on, guess. We are currently accepting donations for his clothing and shoe budget because GOOD LORD.

Weight: 19.2 pounds. Impressive, no? But! Still on the chart. Not even in the 90th percentile. So, my medium-sized chunk. A MARKED difference from the roly-polyness that was Noelle at this age. But still quite yummy.

Head circumference: 45 cm. Again, above average but not at the tops of the chart. Which is a good thing because you all remember the size of Noelle's noggin. YES! I finally have a proportionate-sized kid. A very LONG one to be sure but proportionate. (I am really not picking on Noelle but come on, she was the epitome of cute baby chub and was the possessor of the largest head I have ever seen on an infant.)

His doctor was very happy and impressed with how he is doing: sitting on his own, bearing all his weight on his legs (we just steady him) and being thisclose to getting into the crawling position. He's such a happy baby and a total ladies' man. He loooooves the ladies. He has also discovered the joys of the jumperoo. Child could spend HOURS in that thing. And Noelle will jump right along with him. Which he loves. Again see: ladies' man. He's eating rice cereal and we just started him on carrots. I've decided to try my hand at making his baby food because I've gotten spoiled in not having to buy formula for him as I'm still keeping up with his demands for milk. Speaking of milk (did you notice that awesome segue? I so rock at this writing thing) I am giddy over the fact that not only have I lost all of my Noah baby weight but also all of my lingering Noelle baby weight. And then some. Yay for imitating a cow!

Today is Noelle's picture day at school. We are crossing all fingers and toes that she will allow the photographer to actually take her picture this year. For the first time in 2 YEARS. WTH? She begs for us to take her pic at home but elsewhere? Hell to the no. She is doing pretty well with her potty training. Next week we are starting in the big leagues and going pull-up free. The solution might be to just duct tape her to the potty between the hours of 4 and 7 pm as those seem to be the prime 'piddling' hours.

That's it for this dispatch so from muddy beautiful Baltimore, Maryland: